A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife, and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people….'
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and started his talk:
'I'll never forget the first day our Parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Never, Never, Never Be Late
I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.....kill her!!!"
The man said “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife”. The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife." The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
“This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to kill him with the chair.”
I'm not the sharpest tool in the thread.
If I give you $5 for a hooker, will you go away? ~ Mal
*Medical problems affecting my words are back. Sometimes may not use the right word or may not make sense at all.
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