Official Political Humor Thread

A man was sentenced by the judge to 20 years in prison for calling Obama a moron.
The man's wife asks the judge, "How can he get 20 years for that?"
The judge replies, "The 20 years isn't for that. It's for revealing state secrets."

Saturday Night Live - Dress Rehearsal C-Span Chuck Hagel Hearings
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feat...ynby-0kkTg

UPDATE: ADL (The Anti-Defamation League), pro-Israel censorship group/gatekeeper on the Israel-Palestine issue, attacks SNL for parodying the confirmation hearings of Senator Chuck Hagel.

House Science Committee Questions Existence of Meteors


The chairman of the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology said today that the committee would hold hearings next week “to settle the question, once and for all, of whether meteors exist.”

“The media has been in something of a frenzy recently on this whole topic of meteors,” said chairman Lamar Smith (R-Texas). “I think it’s irresponsible of them to frighten the public about something that, at the end of the day, may be about as real as unicorns.”

The Texas congressman said that he and other meteor doubters are worried that scientists had “a vested interest” in convincing people that meteors are real: “They want the government to spend more money on science, and, let me tell you, that is the last thing the Science Committee is going to do.”

As for the scientific theory that meteors may have killed the dinosaurs, Rep. Smith chuckled, “That theory would also have us believe that there were dinosaurs.” Read more at http://www.newyorker.com/online/b...teors.html

Quote from DJPlayer :

Sarah Palin at CPAC:
“More background checks? Dandy idea, Mr. President — should have started with yours.”

hahaha

"A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. … How would the government try to enforce something like that? It's not like Obama's got a secret fleet of robotic aircraft circling over, watching everything people do with little cameras." -- Craig Ferguson, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

^ On the note of Kim Jong-un, Jimmy Fallon had Kim Kardashian (KK) vs. Kim Jong-un (KJ).

KK is expecting a baby.
KJ looks like a baby.

KK's life is like a roller coaster.
KJ isn't tall enough to ride one.

KK's fav. movie is called "Failure to Launch".
KJ's nuclear program is called "Failure to Launch".

KK used to date a basketball player. (Kris Humphries)
KJ currently dates a basketball player. (Dennis Rodman)

"The average American works six months a year for the government. Think about that. Government employees don't even work six months a year for the government." -- David Letterman

"The U.S. Senate is now fighting to keep open the Senate barber shop. It loses $350,000 a year. Do you know what that makes it? The most successful government program ever. It's losing only $350,000 a year." -- Jay Leno

"The island nation of Cyprus is now considering a 10 percent tax on every individual savings account in that country. They'll take 10 percent of your money right out of the bank. To which President Obama said: 'You can do that?'" -- Jay Leno

“And in a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news gathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term ‘illegal immigrant.’ That is out. They will now use the phrase ‘undocumented Democrat.’ -- Jay Leno

Yeah, that last one is new for Leno but old for everyone else.

Obama Declares "National Financial Capability Month" -- Gov't To Teach Americans Responsible Budgeting

Quote : A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear bare arms, shall not be infringed.

This was supposed to be about wearing Hawaiian shirts on casual Fridays! I'm not sure where I was going with that whole "well regulated militia" thing...

Sincerely,

Thomas Jefferson, et al

Quote from Deusxmachina : "The average American works six months a year for the government. Think about that. Government employees don't even work six months a year for the government." -- David Letterman "The U.S. Senate is now fighting to keep open the Senate barber shop. It loses $350,000 a year. Do you know what that makes it? The most successful government program ever. It's losing only $350,000 a year." -- Jay Leno "The island nation of Cyprus is now considering a 10 percent tax on every individual savings account in that country. They'll take 10 percent of your money right out of the bank. To which President Obama said: 'You can do that?'" -- Jay Leno “And in a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news gathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term ‘illegal immigrant.’ That is out. They will now use the phrase ‘undocumented Democrat.’ -- Jay Leno Yeah, that last one is new for Leno but old for everyone else.

Those were pretty good.