WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)‚ÄĒFormer Vice-President Dick Cheney on Tuesday called upon the nations of the world to ‚Äúonce and for all ban the despicable and heinous practice of publishing torture reports.‚ÄĚ
‚ÄúLike many Americans, I was shocked and disgusted by the Senate Intelligence Committee‚Äôs publication of a torture report today,‚ÄĚ Cheney said in a prepared statement. ‚ÄúThe transparency and honesty found in this report represent a gross violation of our nation‚Äôs values.‚ÄĚ
‚ÄúThe publication of torture reports is a crime against all of us,‚ÄĚ he added. ‚ÄúNot just those of us who have tortured in the past, but every one of us who might want to torture in the future.‚ÄĚ
Saying that the Senate‚Äôs ‚Äúhorrifying publication‚ÄĚ had inspired him to act, he vowed, ‚ÄúAs long as I have air to breathe, I will do everything in my power to wipe out the scourge of torture reports from the face of the Earth.‚ÄĚ
Cheney concluded his statement by calling for an international conference on the issue of torture reports. ‚ÄúI ask all the great nations of the world to stand up, expose the horrible practice of publishing torture reports, and say, ‚ÄėThis is not who we are,‚Äô ‚ÄĚ Cheney said.
Last edited by kharvel; 12-15-2014 at 04:44 PM..
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)‚ÄĒIn an appearance on NBC‚Äôs ‚ÄúMeet the Press,‚ÄĚ on Sunday, former Vice-President Dick Cheney told host Chuck Todd that he was ‚Äúsick and tired of Americans being ashamed of our beautiful legacy of torture‚ÄĚ and that he was organizing the first ‚ÄúNational Torture-Pride March‚ÄĚ to take place in Washington in January.
‚ÄúThis is a chance for all of us torturers to say, ‚ÄėLook at us, this is who we are,‚Äô‚ÄĚ Cheney, who will be the Grand Marshall of the parade, said.
The former Vice-President said that he was organizing the march to inspire ‚Äúthe millions of American kids who want to be torturers when they grow up but are afraid they‚Äôll catch hell for it.‚ÄĚ
‚ÄúWe‚Äôll be there to say, ‚ÄėWe‚Äôre torturers and we‚Äôre damn proud of it‚ÄĒjoin us,‚Äô‚ÄĚ Cheney said.
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