Oh shit!!

Didn't you do this once before TR? Or maybe it was your DW's birthday?

Buy her a vacuum. She's guaranteed to return the suction, trust me.

Do yourself a favor dude. Every time you go shopping with her (and make it a point to do this at least a few times a year, no matter how much you hate it - it scores points with her & advances the scheme presented here), take her to a LOT of stores like Macy's, Best Buy, those weird stores in the mall with all the African masks and other "imported" bullshit, jewelry stores (of course) and even the As Seen on TV store.

If she lingers over something or takes her time with it ask some questions (or even make fun of her) and see if you can tell whether she's just curious or actually would like to own the thing. You know your wife so you'll be able to figure it out.

Then, come back later, buy a bunch of that shit, and shove it in the back of your man cave or a closet or someplace she never goes like the basement or your work room.

When you fark up, you have it covered. If you want to surprise her for no reason, you've got it covered. If you want to get laid and she's not in the mood - you've got it covered.

Then you never have to post a thread like this again.

ETA: even better tip: if she has a regular hairdresser tip the guy/gal $10 to call you every time she comes in and briefly describe what she had done. Then you never get that "I got my hair done & you didn't notice!" routine. AND you look like a boss always being able to spot when she had her hair done.

VQ that's too funny...and yet genius!

Quote from veritableqndry : Do yourself a favor dude. Every time you go shopping with her (and make it a point to do this at least a few times a year, no matter how much you hate it - it scores points with her & advances the scheme presented here), take her to a LOT of stores like Macy's, Best Buy, those weird stores in the mall with all the African masks and other "imported" bullshit, jewelry stores (of course) and even the As Seen on TV store. If she lingers over something or takes her time with it ask some questions (or even make fun of her) and see if you can tell whether she's just curious or actually would like to own the thing. You know your wife so you'll be able to figure it out. Then, come back later, buy a bunch of that shit, and shove it in the back of your man cave or a closet or someplace she never goes like the basement or your work room. When you fark up, you have it covered. If you want to surprise her for no reason, you've got it covered. If you want to get laid and she's not in the mood - you've got it covered. Then you never have to post a thread like this again. ETA: even better tip: if she has a regular hairdresser tip the guy/gal $10 to call you every time she comes in and briefly describe what she had done. Then you never get that "I got my hair done & you didn't notice!" routine. AND you look like a boss always being able to spot when she had her hair done.

Quote from Schooby : VQ that's too funny...and yet genius!

Evil genius!

Quote from veritableqndry : Do yourself a favor dude. Every time you go shopping with her (and make it a point to do this at least a few times a year, no matter how much you hate it - it scores points with her & advances the scheme presented here), take her to a LOT of stores like Macy's, Best Buy, those weird stores in the mall with all the African masks and other "imported" bullshit, jewelry stores (of course) and even the As Seen on TV store. If she lingers over something or takes her time with it ask some questions (or even make fun of her) and see if you can tell whether she's just curious or actually would like to own the thing. You know your wife so you'll be able to figure it out. Then, come back later, buy a bunch of that shit, and shove it in the back of your man cave or a closet or someplace she never goes like the basement or your work room. When you fark up, you have it covered. If you want to surprise her for no reason, you've got it covered. If you want to get laid and she's not in the mood - you've got it covered. Then you never have to post a thread like this again. ETA: even better tip: if she has a regular hairdresser tip the guy/gal $10 to call you every time she comes in and briefly describe what she had done. Then you never get that "I got my hair done & you didn't notice!" routine. AND you look like a boss always being able to spot when she had her hair done.

Why aren't you married?

Quote from marg_fan : Have you considered pre-planning for your funeral?

Quote from veritableqndry : Do yourself a favor dude. Every time you go shopping with her (and make it a point to do this at least a few times a year, no matter how much you hate it - it scores points with her & advances the scheme presented here), take her to a LOT of stores like Macy's, Best Buy, those weird stores in the mall with all the African masks and other "imported" bullshit, jewelry stores (of course) and even the As Seen on TV store. If she lingers over something or takes her time with it ask some questions (or even make fun of her) and see if you can tell whether she's just curious or actually would like to own the thing. You know your wife so you'll be able to figure it out. Then, come back later, buy a bunch of that shit, and shove it in the back of your man cave or a closet or someplace she never goes like the basement or your work room. When you fark up, you have it covered. If you want to surprise her for no reason, you've got it covered. If you want to get laid and she's not in the mood - you've got it covered. Then you never have to post a thread like this again. ETA: even better tip: if she has a regular hairdresser tip the guy/gal $10 to call you every time she comes in and briefly describe what she had done. Then you never get that "I got my hair done & you didn't notice!" routine. AND you look like a boss always being able to spot when she had her hair done.

You actually think that would work on EVERY woman

Never would work on me

First I'd find everything "hidden" - so that blows that idea pfffffffffffffftttttttttttttt !!!!
Nothing get's hidden away in my home, that I'm unaware of

Secondly, my hairdresser for the past 35 years would never, ever tell my husband crappolla about what she has done with my hair That is between her and myself, and also what we talk about Why do you think we tip our hairdressers so much

I say when it comes to Anniversary's - KISS - keep it simple - why the excess I guess that comes with time, with couples

Though your effort and post was

Quote from TigerStar : Why aren't you married?

Years of crippling alcoholism & an inability for either party to forgive & move on?

wait--this isn't the anti-joke thread is it.

Quote from Piccaboo : Never would work on me

Lucky for me I didn't marry you then.

Quote from veritableqndry : Years of crippling alcoholism & an inability for either party to forgive & move on? wait--this isn't the anti-joke thread is it. Lucky for me I didn't marry you then.

Yes, I'm meticulous when it comes to keeping the house, hiding stuff just doesn't work with me; I'll find it I know where everything is here, including hubby's stuff that even he can't find himself

But I do forgive and move on Life is far too short for BS

We got plans now for tomorrow. Gonna spend it with wife and kids and keep it low key, then put kids to bed early. Then its all bow-chica-bow-wow!

Quote from the raddish : then its all brown chicken brown cow!

FTFY

Quote from Maleficent : FTFY

Don't get jealous now...

@ VQ's posts