Well this is just great. Your old corsair companion Crapbeard has scattered pieces of his treasure maps across the face of this Woot-Off. Help me piece together my maps, and I'll give ye a share of me ample booty!
Y'harrr. Such a stereotype of a pirate be I. As if the peg leg, eyepatch, and emblematic exclamations weren't enough, now I've gone and scattered my treasure maps across the Seven Seas like some kind of caricature of piracy. Shiver me hackneyed timbers!
Here's how you can help: Scour the horizon for sails. Y'harrr, I mean "sales." If you see the word TREASURE, dig! A piece of my map is buried somewhere underneath, or my name isn't Crapbeard.
There be two maps, each leading to stashes of my namesake treasure; one fer Tuesday, one fer Wednesday. Find them, and ye'll be rich beyond your wildest dreams! (If yer wildest dreams be extremely underwhelming.)
Tuesday's Map Points: First! Cape Worst Cove Ever Captain Kiddfoot Mortimer's Folly Ominously Named Pirate Town Dead-Meme Isle Port Whitespace Acquisition Atoll Cheapskate Bay Flying Monkey Island 2
The Great Wet Sea
Wednesday's Map Points: Ramy Beach Honduran Shirt Factory Rapacity Region Noticeable-Lack-of-Treasure Island
The Barbara Coast Shirt.Woot Virgin Islands The Pirate Bay (Not That One) Port Hygeine
The Slow Shipping Route Bermuda Rhombus Antipathy Archipelagogo Romantic Representation of Caribbean Piracy
Search for Crapbeard's Treasure Next Week on Woot
Scarcely will the crap-dust have settled from those two extravaganzas before we move on to The Search for Crapbeard's Treasure! On Tuesday, Sept. 18, and Wednesday, Sept. 19, we'll run a Woot-Off with a very special difference. Clues sprinkled throughout the Woot-Off will lead you to a hidden cache of lost pirate loot. Or something. That's about all we can tell you right now without angering Crapbeard's ghost. And none of us wants that. He's really disgusting when he's angry.
So there you go. A couple of weeks' worth of crap, in a variety of flavors. Enjoy every filthy minute of it. But please, as always: crap responsibly
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