how to poop at work...

[CucumberJohnson]

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
> >
> > We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
> > We've all kicked back
> > in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
> > down below. As much
> > as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK
> > POOP is inevitable.
> > For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
> > Survival Guide for
> > taking a dump at work.
> >
> >
> > CROP DUSTING
> > When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
> > the smell is not in
> > your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
> > know where it came
> > from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
> > the full fart has
> > been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure
> > the smell has left
> > your pants.
> >
> >
> > FLY BY
> > The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
> > Walk in and check for
> > other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,
> > leave and come back
> > again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.
> > People may become
> > suspicious if they catch you constantly going into
> > the bathroom.
> >
> >
> > ESCAPEE
> > A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the
> > urinal or forcing a
> > poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
> > sudden wave of
> > embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
> > acknowledge it. Pretend
> > it did not happen. If you are standing next to the
> > farter in the urinal,
> > pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
> > escapee. It is
> > uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
> > laughing makes both
> > parties feel uneasy.
> >
> >
> > JAILBREAK
> > When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
> > machine gun pace. This
> > is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.
> > If this should
> > happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until
> > everyone has left the
> > bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
> > just occurred.
> >
> >
> > COURTESY FLUSH
> > The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
> > hits the water. This
> > reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink
> > up the bathroom.
> > This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
> > OF SHAME.
> >
> >
> > WALK OF SHAME
> > Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
> > after you have just
> > stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
> > uncomfortable moment if
> > someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is
> > best to pretend
> > that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with
> > the use of the
> > COURTESY FLUSH.
> >
> >
> > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> > A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of
> > it. You will often
> > see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
> > with a newspaper or
> > magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
> > the office for the Out
> > Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
> >
> >
> > THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> > A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> > emergency pooping goes
> > off without incident. This group can help you to
> > monitor the whereabouts
> > of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
> > HAVENS.
> >
> >
> > SAFE HAVENS
> > A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
> > where you can least
> > expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly
> > of the opposite sex.
> > This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
> > entering the bathroom.
> >
> >
> > TURD BURGLAR
> > Someone who does not realize that you are in the
> > stall and tries to
> > force the door open. This is one of the most
> > shocking and vulnerable
> > moments that can occur when taking a poop at work.
> > If this occurs,
> > remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
> > This way you will
> > avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
> >
> >
> > CAMO-COUGH
> > A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
> > bathroom that you
> > are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
> > WATERMELON, or to alert
> > potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
> > conjunction with an
> > ASTAIRE.
> >
> >
> > ASTAIRE
> > A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
> > Turd Burglars that you
> > are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
> > that the stall is
> > occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
> > immediately so the
> > pooper can poop in peace.
> >
> >
> > WATERMELON
> > A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
> > toilet water. This is
> > also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
> > Watermelon coming on,
> > create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

[Drio]

hahahahahahha nice.

hmph.. apparently you and I are the only ones pooping around here..

[gogators]

sorry, i was in the bathroom taking a dump

[Drio]

Originally posted by gogators
sorry, i was in the bathroom taking a dump

Everything come out ok? -sorry I love that line.. couldn't resist.

[Sassan]

hell no...I leave work and either go to my home or make a quick visit to my parents....glad I still have a key!

[adams135]

When you gotta go ... mention my name and you'll get a good seat.

[CucumberJohnson]

we just recently moved into a brand new branch at work, so all the toilets are new , plus the people i work with arent too bad in terms of benig clean, plus plus i am a paper quilt guy around the lid...

[thegoalie]

I used to have a big problem with doing my business at work until I realized,

"Hey, why should i wait until I go home and use up my precious free time?"

If I go at work, not only do I work less but I have more free time after work to spend doing whatever I want. AND I don't have to buy toilet paper anymore. Seriously, I haven't bought toilet paper in 6 months.

I usually stay at work an hour later than everyone else, so I'll go when the building is pretty empty and I don't have to worry about anyone walking in on me. And I ALWAYS courtesy flush.

[Jockable]

I agree with goalie. Also I'd like to add to that, doesn't it give you an extra satisfaction that you're getting paid while taking a #2? When you're doing it at home you're not getting paid.

[Mavtech]

Anyone ever stuffed a newspaper or magazine down your pants to take in there to read? I can't sit there with nothing to read. If I'm desperate, I'll read labels on cleaning bottles or play Wheel of Fortune on my cell phone.

[kmac]

That is funny. My boyfriend is always talking about hating to poop at work. Normally he gets home and goes straight to the bathroom though. I think it is a guy thing. It takes you all like 30 min!?! Uh, if not longer.

[Drio]

Mesmerized by dancing cat...........

What the? It was a cat 5 minutes ago.. I swear. I'm not crazy.. I'm not!! Kmac is just trying to make me appear that way!

[Mavtech]

My girlfriend always stands there and talks to me while I'm reading my Maxim, PC Mag, Maximum PC, or Stuff Magazine. I can't figure out a way to tell her to leave me alone without hurting her feelings. I tried, "Get away, the Browns want to go to the Superbowl in peace."

[Agent420]

Surprised ElDorito hasn't responded yet...if he's still around...

...pooping is his specialty

[Jockable]

Originally posted by Mavtech
Anyone ever stuffed a newspaper or magazine down your pants to take in there to read? I can't sit there with nothing to read. If I'm desperate, I'll read labels on cleaning bottles or play Wheel of Fortune on my cell phone.

At times I play Tetris on my cell phone. But once I get started I waste more time in there lol.

[El Chupacabra]

Originally posted by thegoalie
If I go at work, not only do I work less but I have more free time after work to spend doing whatever I want. AND I don't have to buy toilet paper anymore. Seriously, I haven't bought toilet paper in 6 months.

El Chupacabra thinks this is a Slick Deal to be posted on the front page. Just think: "Lifetime supply of toilet paper ! Free !"

[.DC.]

My old work had magazines, and that was cool. The new palce does not. So I bust out my nextel and read up on CNN.
:)

[ShowMeTheDeals]

Haha, this post is brilliant!!! I have IBS, so I know what its like.

[thegoalie]

Everyone! I just took a deuce at work! Everything went very smoothly, no one interrupted.

[CucumberJohnson]

ive got to take a duece so bad right as we speak that i got an uno hangin out. we only have 45 minutes until we leave so im tryin to make it a while longer...

be strong Cucumber......

[HeyLookItsMe]

Originally posted by thegoalie

If I go at work, not only do I work less but I have more free time after work to spend doing whatever I want. AND I don't have to buy toilet paper anymore. Seriously, I haven't bought toilet paper in 6 months.


when i moved out of my college dorm 5 or so years ago i noticed that the supply closet door wasnt closed... I jumped in there and grabbed tons of toilet paper... mind you its not the best quality paper but it lasted me and my roommates 2 years.....without having to recycle it

[CucumberJohnson]

too late...couldnt hold it...but everything went well...all better now

[thriftyguy]

Originally posted by Mavtech
Anyone ever stuffed a newspaper or magazine down your pants to take in there to read? I can't sit there with nothing to read. If I'm desperate, I'll read labels on cleaning bottles or play Wheel of Fortune on my cell phone.

Ha.......I can so relate

[tightwad]

So nice to work in a place with private bathrooms....

[Drio]

Originally posted by tightwad
So nice to work in a place with private bathrooms....

Ditto tightwad... makes going to the restroom a nice way to waste a bit of the day.

[Baskins]

Ya know, I didn't have to go until I started reading this thread, honestly. Dammit...brb. :OMG:

[eggplant]

Heh, this is one of the perks of working from home. That, and getting to work naked. There's nothing like talking to your boss on the phone when you're naked.

[HeyLookItsMe]

Originally posted by eggplant
Heh, this is one of the perks of working from home. That, and getting to work naked. There's nothing like talking to your boss on the phone when you're naked.

TMI

[Jockable]

Can any of you guess what I just did before returning to my desk just now? What a relief!

[golden13]

I just returned from catching a co-worker taking the Walk Of Shame. I had to go to another floor to use the bathroom since it made me gag. This may have been avoided with a courtesy flush (or 4 of them). All I could say to him is 'What the hell did you eat for lunch?'. All he could do is laugh, completely redfaces.

[justme]

Originally posted by Jockable
Can any of you guess what I just did before returning to my desk just now? What a relief!

doesnt it feel like you can take on the world???? :lol:

[Jockable]

Originally posted by justme
doesnt it feel like you can take on the world???? :lol:

Hell yeah! I actually feel like talking like those women in tampon commercials talking about how "I can now go horseback riding, swimming, running, etc."

[golden13]

Although we have not yet found out the culprit, we have a 'Hover Dumper' here. We are assuming that is the case since the smear starts just below the seat, above where the water comes out. That is nasty. Once the 'Hover Dumper' is finished, so is the stall for the remainder of the day.

[justme]

:lmao:

[thrasher]

Originally posted by golden13
Although we have not yet found out the culprit, we have a 'Hover Dumper' here. We are assuming that is the case since the smear starts just below the seat, above where the water comes out. That is nasty. Once the 'Hover Dumper' is finished, so is the stall for the remainder of the day.

Actually, it may not be someone hovering. When a long Lincoln Log gets stood upright and is sticking out above the seat, and the flushing spins it around and around, it can cause some major smearing.

[golden13]

Actually, it may not be someone hovering. When a long Lincoln Log gets stood upright and is sticking out above the seat, and the flushing spins it around and around, it can cause some major smearing.

Could be, but it's only a racing stripe straight down. Either way, disgusting.

[thrasher]

golden13, do you happen to have a pic? you could let everyone here look at the evidence and come to a stronger conclusion.

[golden13]

golden13, do you happen to have a pic? you could let everyone here look at the evidence and come to a stronger conclusion.

No pic, sorry. I don't think I really want to go there anyway.

[Xantus]

That was hilarious! Thanks I needed a laugh!

[cosmic_kid]

Best. Thread. Ever. :lmao:

my dad is great at this.. he'll even pop in the office on the weekends to poop! I don't blame him.. just think about it: free TP and water, usually cleaned by a trained professional, and YOU'RE GETTING PAID TO POOP!!! :D

I've smuggled magazines. Now I keep my Palm Pilot in my pocket and play dopewars (new high score today!) also, a certain medication gave me chronic diarrhea, so I have a whole routine now.. certain bathroom, certain stall, grab a paper towel, wipe down the seat, put paper towel in water to suppress splash (maybe that's where it came from?)

The worst is sitting there and like 3 guys, one after another, take the stall next to mine, and you name it, they do it.. one guy was chewin tobacco today.. :rolleyes:

thanks for the thread! :D

[CucumberJohnson]

yeah what up, you like the ole poop at work instructions huh...very nice.

yeah, i frequent the pool myself at the ole tarbajo.

[Jockable]

I know I'm bringing up an old thread but I just went to the restroom (#1 btw) and I heard someone commit an "Escapee"....I finished up quickly and evacuated immediately.

[CucumberJohnson]

my assistant manager is scared to poop at work, she holds it until she goes home, ive seen her go all day before...

[briang]

Actually, it may not be someone hovering. When a long Lincoln Log gets stood upright and is sticking out above the seat, and the flushing spins it around and around, it can cause some major smearing.

is this possible? sticking out above the seat? that would only happen if you were hovering, hadn't taken a dump in a while, and you didn't drink much water.

[Jockable]

I just read thru this whole thread again after couple months and man it almost made me LOL (literally). It has to be one of the funniest threads of all time in the lounge...we shouldn't let this thread go past the 1st page so keep posting your stories :lmao:.

[CucumberJohnson]

I just read thru this whole thread again after couple months and man it almost made me LOL (literally). It has to be one of the funniest threads of all time in the lounge...we shouldn't let this thread go past the 1st page so keep posting your stories :lmao:.


and i thank you

[brbubba]

my assistant manager is scared to poop at work, she holds it until she goes home, ive seen her go all day before...

I was once on a week long program on an oyster boat. The only place you could dump was in a barrel in the back of the boat. Needless to say I only took one dump the whole week, and that was when we went to some museum on shore. Never have I appreciated a public bathroom as much as I did then.

Seriously though, why the hell don't they make more private bathrooms. It's not like people would die waiting for an open bathroom at work.

In college we had coed bathrooms and they were the old type, like the type where your head sticks over the top if you are over 6'. So anyway my very first day I get there and have to run in there to take a load off. I thought it would be ok since everyone was still getting there. Well anyway everything was in the clear I get up, grab some TP, and right as I am whiping someones mom walks in and I am face to face with her. She looks completely shocked and asks, "Is this a coed bathroom?" I respond with a quick yes, she goes into one of the stalls, and I finished whiping real quick. That was the last time I took a #2 in that bathroom, had to walk across the whole building to get a good bathroom.

[CucumberJohnson]

now that i think about it, i have to poop pretty bad, i can hold out til i go home though

[Lpham3]

i dont know what the problem is. I poop at work all the time. Sometimes 2 or 3 a day but I do work in a small office and everybody else is older than me so i don't really care. But u gotta do what u gotta do. They all shit, so don't be embarrass and do it with pride brother!

[Kristyn921]

They forgot to mention the all-important MASKING FLUSH, when you time a flush to coincide with the inevitable fart that comes with making a #2. Not to be confused with the CAMO COUGH. :lmao:

[rayzac]

ewwww you guys poop? nasty. i am a superior being therefore i have no waste.

[tomaste]

I am definately an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Who cares? Everyone poops.

[eternal sunshine]

What is wrong with you people?

[mrlaugh]

man, I need a job where I can read slick deals at work, that'd be a great way to waste time, just hard to get away with.

And a building with better stalls, that'd be good to. Some moron designed it so that no matter how you sit, the metal toilet paper holder digs into your knee (maybe it's a ploy to make people work more?)

[Nsx_racing2004]

this was too funny hahaha

[Kapitalist]

I take $hits at work all the time. In fact, I took a big huge dump my second day of work for the company i still work for. I figure, damn, its a natural thing that even the hottest of hottest chicks has to do. So when I come out and everyone sees that I have taken a dump, i come out with a big grin and joke around like i just lost 5 pounds.

[teencraft]

uhhmm...

[Boogerhead]

oh this thread is hilarious.....

I NEVER go at work or any public restroom.

[cookiemonster]

when i moved out of my college dorm 5 or so years ago i noticed that the supply closet door wasnt closed... I jumped in there and grabbed tons of toilet paper... mind you its not the best quality paper but it lasted me and my roommates 2 years.....without having to recycle it
In college, they used to come around and clean our bathrooms every week, and stock up to 4 rolls lf TP under the sink. I have no idea who uses 4 rolls of TP in one week, but I would just move them to my closet. After two years there, I had amassed enough toilet paper to last my family for several years.


But, MarkBett, what's this about "having to recycle it"?????

[Nsx_racing2004]

pooop

[luxuryoils]

I take $hits at work all the time. In fact, I took a big huge dump my second day of work for the company i still work for. I figure, damn, its a natural thing that even the hottest of hottest chicks has to do. So when I come out and everyone sees that I have taken a dump, i come out with a big grin and joke around like i just lost 5 pounds.
http://www.slickdeals.net/gallery/albums/slickdealers/Kapitalist.thumb.jpg
I'm trying to picture this... Why? I'm not even sure.

[Nsx_racing2004]

http://www.slickdeals.net/gallery/albums/slickdealers/Kapitalist.thumb.jpg
I'm trying to picture this... Why? I'm not even sure.

i am not saying a word now

[luxuryoils]

i am not saying a word now
Thanks. :lol:

I went to bed 5 am this morning because of the stupid election. I was addicted.

[Nsx_racing2004]

Thanks. :lol:

I went to bed 5 am this morning because of the stupid election. I was addicted.

Went to sleep at 2am watching it too..
Go Kerry

[luxuryoils]

Went to sleep at 2am watching it too..
Go home Kerry
Agreed.

[Nsx_racing2004]

Agreed.
Yea yea keep editing my post on here..
One day it will backfire

[luxuryoils]

Yea yea keep editing my post on here..
One day it will backfire
Someone needs a group hug. :hug:

[Schooby]

bump... I'm sorry really I am but I have tears streaming out of my eyes from laughing so hard... I wish these guys posted in here still...

[Optimus Prime]

Wow, now I'm happy I don't poop at work! :lmao:

[IAMSLICK]

OMG, this is hilarious!

I pulled up to the stall next to a coworker the other day and he was holding his breath because someone was on the can just killing it. My coworker's face was purple from holding his breath so long. I started to laugh, and then he exploded in laughter, and then the guy on the can started laughing and farted.

The men's room is a very scary place...

[Optimus Prime]

The men's room is a very scary place...
The womans' isn't any better at times. I've seen tampon that didn't make it down the toilet, what happens when you try to flush a pad, and I still don't know how pee gets on the wall.

[Schooby]

OMG, this is hilarious!

I pulled up to the stall next to a coworker the other day and he was holding his breath because someone was on the can just killing it. My coworker's face was purple from holding his breath so long. I started to laugh, and then he exploded in laughter, and then the guy on the can started laughing and farted.

The men's room is a very scary place...
I can't see th ekeyboard very well I'm laughing and crying...
when my sisiter and I went to Hawaii a couple of summers ago we shared a room. She made me leave the friggin hotel before she could go... it's not like there wasn't a bathroom door or something.... geesh.. the balcony wasn't even good enough. she says she can't go in a public restroom... she'd rather explode. :lmao:

[kevlupo1121]

OMG, this is hilarious!

I pulled up to the stall next to a coworker the other day and he was holding his breath because someone was on the can just killing it. My coworker's face was purple from holding his breath so long. I started to laugh, and then he exploded in laughter, and then the guy on the can started laughing and farted.

The men's room is a very scary place...
:lmao:

[the. glock]

The womans' isn't any better at times. I've seen tampon that didn't make it down the toilet, what happens when you try to flush a pad, and I still don't know how pee gets on the wall.
:lmao: pee on wall? is that EVEN possible?

[Optimus Prime]

:lmao: pee on wall? is that EVEN possible?
Dunno, but I've seen it!

[the. glock]

Dunno, but I've seen it!
:omg: maybe im too young to know this but, HOW!?

[Optimus Prime]

:omg: maybe im too young to know this but, HOW!?
I'm almost 23 & I can't answer that. if it was the guys room, I'd know, but the girls. :seedoc:

[kevlupo1121]

^I think this needs to be submitted to unsolved mysteries. :)

[Schooby]

ummm not to sound too gross but(t) this needs to be a sticky lol

[the. glock]

I'm almost 23 & I can't answer that. if it was the guys room, I'd know, but the girls. :seedoc:
the girls, take their tempratures????????????????

[Schooby]

maybe a hermaphrodite? not sure how to spell... ok off topic!

[kevlupo1121]

the girls, take their tempratures????????????????
:lmao:

[Mike...]

It's cuz many guys(even the sick ones) know that the womans bathroom is always cleaner than the mens...........and I don't even want to imagine a woman trying to pee on the walls.
:nod:

[Schooby]

It's cuz many guys(even the sick ones) know that the womans bathroom is always cleaner than the mens...........and I don't even want to imagine a woman trying to pee on the walls.
:nod:
me either... I didn't even know we peed lol

[the. glock]

It's cuz many guys(even the sick ones) know that the womans bathroom is always cleaner than the mens...........and I don't even want to imagine a woman trying to pee on the walls.
:nod:
i want to, .....................ewwwwwww..........ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[IAMSLICK]

Relax. Moms bring their little boys into the ladies room, and they hose down the walls for ya. :lol:

(either that or it's chicks with dicks)

[Schooby]

eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[steaksauce]

http://www.slickdeals.net/gallery/albums/slickdealers/Kapitalist.thumb.jpg
I'm trying to picture this... Why? I'm not even sure.

So, this is what happens when you post your pic on SD. :P :lmao: Poor Kapitalist.

[rtalber1]

If you fart at someone else's desk and leave for them to die in it. This is called an ass-ass-ination.

If you fart in your own chair and sit there to die in its aroma. It's called su-ass-cide.

[Drio]

Yes! One of my favorite threads is back!! :woot:

[golden13]

Yes! One of my favorite threads is back!! :woot:
I agree. A classic by the Cucumber.

[Final Quest]

I had the ultimate walk of shame a couple of weeks ago. Our employee toilet is an area where most of the work activity with customers occurs. Imagine standing around and hearing a toilet flush a couple of times. The poo wasn't going down. Walk of shame 1 walking out with poop still afloat. Walk of shame 2 finding a plunger in another area, then taking said plunger across the room with customers watching. Plunging with another couple flushes, poop finally goes down. Then walking back out for my final walk of shame.

[DenMan]

I hate going into a stall and seeing poop splattered on the back of the bowl. Lots of times its all the way up to and even on the rim under the seat. I think this would be called an A$$PLOSION...

[IAMSLICK]

Has anyone ever attempted a courtesy flush and had one of those Tsunami Bowls spray a load of crap up on you? You know, those turbo bowls that could suck down a 27lb turd no problem. It's never happened me, but one in an airport came close once. I thought that would have probably ended my business trip early.

[Final Quest]

I don't get the courtesy flush. It's fine that you want to flush after each plop, but who wants to risk moistening the vulnerable areas?

[Homefrrie]

:lmao: :lmao:

I'm so glad this thread "pooped" back up again, i crack up everytime i hear these stories..

Especially this one about the walks of shame with the plunger :lmao:

AND the one about the turbo flushing toilets that spray the poo back up at you.. :lmao:

[Drio]

Has anyone ever attempted a courtesy flush and had one of those Tsunami Bowls spray a load of crap up on you? You know, those turbo bowls that could suck down a 27lb turd no problem. It's never happened me, but one in an airport came close once. I thought that would have probably ended my business trip early.
I had one of those in my college dorm room one year.. I used to joke that it would just suck the poop right out of you. :lmao: (I never attempted it though)

[postmodfan]

I too used to not to like to poop at work. The whole non-privacy thing bothered me, as well as the "am I going to sit on the seat that the guy before me sat on or pissed on?" So I would do the toilet paper on the seat thing....

Then as luck would have it, they moved us to a new location, and the 4th floor bathroom is a thing of wonder! It has windows, bright light, a beautiful view of the city, and most importantly it seems as though no one knows about this bathroom! So, I go into the stall, close the door and glory to my eyes there's one of those dispensers that have the paper seat cover things!

This is good. I'm happy.

One question though.

What is the proper use of these paper seat covers? There is a section at the front that is slightly cut, but not all the way! Am I supposed to tear this off so I have easier "access" for cleaning up? Or is it there to somehow protect me?

[priceprince]

Geez, all this poop at work talk is making me have to take a poop at work. I think my record is like 4 work poops in one day. Thats what happens when I drink too much beer the night before. :()

[steaksauce]

I too used to not to like to poop at work. The whole non-privacy thing bothered me, as well as the "am I going to sit on the seat that the guy before me sat on or pissed on?" So I would do the toilet paper on the seat thing....

Then as luck would have it, they moved us to a new location, and the 4th floor bathroom is a thing of wonder! It has windows, bright light, a beautiful view of the city, and most importantly it seems as though no one knows about this bathroom! So, I go into the stall, close the door and glory to my eyes there's one of those dispensers that have the paper seat cover things!

This is good. I'm happy.

One question though.

What is the proper use of these paper seat covers? There is a section at the front that is slightly cut, but not all the way! Am I supposed to tear this off so I have easier "access" for cleaning up? Or is it there to somehow protect me?


Don't cut the seat cover all the way, I think the portion is supposed to hang there so that the poo poo slides down it gently so it doesn't splash all the water back up to the butt. The water looks clean, but is it really?

[Mike...]

Maybe this will help with those of you who have poop issues. I work from my house so no shy-sh***ing for me. This is just too funny to keep to myself.
Read the "procedure" page and the "FAQ".
http://buttcandle.com/index.html

:rofl2:

[briang]

Don't cut the seat cover all the way, I think the portion is supposed to hang there so that the poo poo slides down it gently so it doesn't splash all the water back up to the butt. The water looks clean, but is it really?

actually, i think it's the other way, so the almost cut end hangs over the lip of the bowl, so there's no inadvertant contact between the bowl and mr. winky.

[postmodfan]

actually, i think it's the other way, so the almost cut end hangs over the lip of the bowl, so there's no inadvertant contact between the bowl and mr. winky.

now people understand what I mean.

3 people posting and three different opinions....

There should be some instructions on these things! :ranting:

[briang]

if it helps, i didn't post an opinion :)

[postmodfan]

if it helps, i didn't post an opinion :)

Hey briang,

what was it then? Instructions?

btw, like your user caption... not too many people know who Frank Black is! :cool:

[briang]

i don't have a link, but i'm fairly certain that the almost cut part hangs inside the bowl in front of you, so you are peeing on it, rather that crapping on it. that way there will be NO contact between skin and porcelain/seat.

[briang]

what are the rules when you are working from home and your desk is 5 feet from the toilet and the fan is out of order? also, i'm home sick with a cold, so i can't smell it :)

[ToddziLLa]

I love doing the numero dos at work. I get paid for it!

Getting paid for something you love to do? C'mon guys...that's a close second next to porn... :woot:

The turd burglar one cracked my arse up!!! :lol: :lol:

[.DC.]

actually, i think it's the other way, so the almost cut end hangs over the lip of the bowl, so there's no inadvertant contact between the bowl and mr. winky.

I used to let the "center" cut out tab hang down into the water in the back...but saw on time the guy before me had left the tab hanging over the front of the bowl (was gross that it had been left, but gave me the idea to turn it around)

So I tried it.

Works good protecting "Mr. Happy".

The only thing though is that casue the tab does not hang down into the water, you have to make sure to knock the "A$$ gasket" into the bowl so it flushes down.

two cents about #2...lol

[antijack]

actually, i think it's the other way, so the almost cut end hangs over the lip of the bowl, so there's no inadvertant contact between the bowl and mr. winky.

I think briang is right, it's to avoid unnecessary contact and, if you place that front piece just right, it gets sucked down with the flush with having to even touch it.

BTW: What about the NINJA. Goes in undetected, does his job in silence, then escapes unnoticed, leaving only the faint scent of jasmine behind...

[steaksauce]

I can't believe I did it, but I've contacted the folks at Kimberly-Clark and asked for the directions on how to use one of those "Ass Gaskets". We need an opinion from the engineers of that product. I'll let ya'll know.

[Geeke19]

All I got to say is freaking ROFL :lmao: hahahahahah this is the funniest thread I have read this year. HAHAHAHAHAH

[postmodfan]

I can't believe I did it, but I've contacted the folks at Kimberly-Clark and asked for the directions on how to use one of those "Ass Gaskets". We need an opinion from the engineers of that product. I'll let ya'll know.

Have you heard from them yet??!! :bigeye:

I really need to know... soon...

[Sham]

Wonder if anyone mentioned the term, thread crapper (or thread crapping). LOL, thought that would be funny. :lol:

[the. glock]

Wonder if anyone mentioned the term, thread crapper (or thread crapping). LOL, thought that would be funny. :lol:
when thread crapping be sure to whip your mouth......:lmao:

[thenewguy]

Brown is the color of poo. Ha ha ha!

[the. glock]

Brown is the color of poo. Ha ha ha!
all of your posts are just family guy quotes

[thenewguy]

all of your posts are just family guy quotes


Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.

the. glock: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

I drift in and out.

[the. glock]

Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.

the. glock: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

I drift in and out.
:lol: you will run out of quotes eventually

[thenewguy]

:lol: you will run out of quotes eventually


Oh no. I gotta fart, but I don't know which way to lean.

[the. glock]

Oh no. I gotta fart, but I don't know which way to lean.
one of these days, you will run out and i will laugh

[thenewguy]

one of these days, you will run out and i will laugh


I didn't even fart until I was 30.

(Flash back, thenewguy hears a farting sound)

What the hell was that?

[the. glock]

I didn't even fart until I was 30.

(Flash back, thenewguy hears a farting sound)

What the hell was that?
do the one when he didnt pass the fourth grade

[thenewguy]

do the one when he didnt pass the fourth grade



Lois, I cant find my favorite pair of underwear.

Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?

No, I'm looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend God so I let it rip in the vestibule after service?

Lois: Top drawer.

[steaksauce]

Have you heard from them yet??!! :bigeye:

I really need to know... soon...


I haven't heard from them yet about the correct way to use a seat cover. I bet that they took it as a joke and ignored it. Sorry I made you go improperly. I'll try some other company that makes them. :P

[steaksauce]

I think I have found the answer, guys.

http://www.hospeco.com/instit/TSC3.asp

The bottom pic looks like the flap is in the front, but I've emailed them to make sure. All this time I've been putting it in the back. haha

[the. glock]

I think I have found the answer, guys.

http://www.hospeco.com/instit/TSC3.asp

The bottom pic looks like the flap is in the front, but I've emailed them to make sure. All this time I've been putting it in the back. haha
ohhhhhhh so thats what they are for, i thought they were for like shaving....

[thenewguy]

ohhhhhhh so thats what they are for, i thought they were for like shaving....



slickdealers: What's a library, thenewguy?

thenewguy: Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM.

[120 Minute Man]

Come on... pooping at work isn't too bad. They key is to take as long as you can without making people wonder where you are. It's like an extra break in the day.

:woot:

[the. glock]

slickdealers: What's a library, thenewguy?

thenewguy: Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM.
more! :woot: what about a chrismas episode for a change!

[thenewguy]

more! :woot: what about a chrismas episode for a change!


thenewguy: As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.

the. glock: Outrageous, How dare he say such blasphemy. I've got to do something.

Man #1: the. glock, there's nothing you can do.

the. glock: Well, I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor

[postmodfan]

I think I have found the answer, guys.

http://www.hospeco.com/instit/TSC3.asp

The bottom pic looks like the flap is in the front, but I've emailed them to make sure. All this time I've been putting it in the back. haha

Well done Steaksauce! :worship:

Those pics crack me up. Notice in the first two where toilet paper or paper towels are used that the floor has muddy footprints on it, and then when you use the toilet seat cover the floor is sparkling clean?

:lmao:

[mariusz106]

From http://www.smellypoop.com/poop.html

This is just too funny.


"What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the.........

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. "

[maxiscool]

i am a pooper snooper

[Brock Landers]

***

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done pooping, have pulled your underwear up to your knees and you realize you have to poopie some more.
POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so hard you practically have a stroke.
UPPER CLASS POOPIE: The kind of poopie that does not smell.
SUPRISE POOPIE: You are not even at the toilet because you are positive you will only fart, but...(oops!) a poopie.
DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop even though you know you are done pooping. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
ATOMIC POOPIE: The kind that burns on the way out and it still burns hours after you poopie.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: This kind of poopie is so huge, you are afraid to flush without breaking it up with your pencil.
GASSEY POOPIE: It is so noisy that everyone within earshot is giggling.
DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks at the bottom of the toilet bowl.
CORN POOPIE: (self explanatory)
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you could do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: This kind hurts so bad coming out, you swear it is leaving sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOPIE (aka POWER DUMP): The kind that comes out so fast, your behind is splashed with toilet water.
LIQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out and splashes all over the toilet bowl and you.Top

[Aluvus]

From my buds at Beyond.Ca (and hope it's not a "we-post").
Hope is no competitor to search (http://forums.slickdeals.net/showthread.php?t=18714&highlight=poop+work).

[Brock Landers]

Well...the 2nd part ISN'T a repost.

[odysseyelite]

Anyone ever stuffed a newspaper or magazine down your pants to take in there to read? I can't sit there with nothing to read. If I'm desperate, I'll read labels on cleaning bottles or play Wheel of Fortune on my cell phone.

I play football on the cell phone.

[postmodfan]

According to ask Yahoo, the only benefit toilet seat covers delivers is peace of mind.


http://ask.yahoo.com/20060217.html

[teamneon]

That is funny. My boyfriend is always talking about hating to poop at work. Normally he gets home and goes straight to the bathroom though. I think it is a guy thing. It takes you all like 30 min!?! Uh, if not longer.
does he have a Maxim subscription? :D
i leave work and come home to poop whenever i need to. But im still on the clock so its cool. I have to have my Maxim.

[Lovely]

does he have a Maxim subscription? :D
i leave work and come home to poop whenever i need to. But im still on the clock so its cool. I have to have my Maxim.
Ill bet the Maxim ladies are happy to know they are being appreciated by millions of men around the world while they are taking a #2:lmao: :heart:

[Harleygurl]

I didn't even fart until I was 30.

(Flash back, thenewguy hears a farting sound)

What the hell was that?
This makes me laugh. My boyfriend didn't fart till more than a year into our relationship. One day, he accidentally did it and it was so funny when I had asked him what had he done for the last year or so--he got really red and said "suffered!". It was so cute.

[appleyum]

This makes me laugh. My boyfriend didn't fart till more than a year into our relationship. One day, he accidentally did it and it was so funny when I had asked him what had he done for the last year or so--he got really red and said "suffered!". It was so cute.
:crylol:

What guys had to do for women :P

[Harleygurl]

:crylol:

What guys had to do for women :P
I know it!! It really was cute; I am attaching a pic, then you will know what I mean! Tattooed biker guy, afraid to fart in front of his girl. I guess you just had to be there! 12747

[rks]

..........

[ElectroWolf]

Sometimes I take a dump on the floor at work and later on people walk in it and drag it around the whole place. Makes me laugh like hell.
Freaky.....

[Landers]

Sometimes I take a dump on the floor at work and later on people walk in it and drag it around the whole place. Makes me laugh like hell.
Thank you for the disturbing post and bringing up a month old thread. :rolleyes:


jk.. well not about the disturbing part.. i could care less about you bringing the thread back up.

[bobbyfk]

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the work dump is inevitable. For those who hate 'taking the boys to the pool' at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and dumping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poo in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the log hits the water and it is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who dumps at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency dumping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS. Definition: Seldom-used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a dumpe rof your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE. Definition: A load of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a…

FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. :)

[fatwallet187]

:lmao: omfg

[PiratesSayARRR]

give me an R

[bobbyfk]

give me an R
i know repost. from when?

[Autumn]

Turd Burglar :lmao:

[Geeke19]

hey if you gotta go you gotta go.

[Brock Landers]

i know repost. from when?
I reposted it a year or so ago.

[bolonny]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very Funny :lmao: :lmao:

[briang]

i want to say cucumber johnson posted this like 3 years ago.

[Harleygurl]

Well, thanks bobby, it is still funny! :heart:

[Benno123]

Sometimes I sit and hesitate
should I shit or masturbate :monkey:

[Ram|bunc|tious]

This list is all wrong, are we teaching children to be embarassed of something natural and beautiful? Be proud of your efforts and glorify the results. Walk out of that stall with your head high in the air with an attitude that tells the world loudly "look what I did!"

[gsuhr03]

This list is all wrong, are we teaching children to be embarassed of something natural and beautiful? Be proud of your efforts and glorify the results. Walk out of that stall with your head high in the air with an attitude that tells the world loudly "look what I did!"

your awesome

I feel so much better after a great poop! Enjoy it! Im a frequent flyer just to get my fix haha. nice post.

[cav]

How to take a dump at work:
get a job for starters

[Benno123]

This list is all wrong, are we teaching children to be embarassed of something natural and beautiful? Be proud of your efforts and glorify the results. Walk out of that stall with your head high in the air with an attitude that tells the world loudly "look what I did!"

and don't flush before you walk out :woot:

[Ram|bunc|tious]

your awesome

I feel so much better after a great poop! Enjoy it! Im a frequent flyer just to get my fix haha. nice post.

Frequent Flyer? Then you know about the joys of dropping a deuce in the small confines of an airplane stall and leaving the door open to let others appreciate your efforts as the aroma wafts through the fuselage.

[The Wolverine]

i want to say cucumber johnson posted this like 3 years ago.

what the hell happened to him .

[~Kimber~]

I said it last time and I'll say it again..I would never poop at work. :nono2:

[Caydensmom]

I said it last time and I'll say it again..I would never poop at work. :nono2:

I bet your co workers do though :coverlaf:

[~Kimber~]

I bet your co workers do though :coverlaf:

Oh hell ya..men can poop anywhere!!!

[emelvee]

i want to say cucumber johnson posted this like 3 years ago.go ahead and say it then!
from 2004 (http://forums.slickdeals.net/showthread.php?sduid=62283&t=18714&highlight=how+to+poop+at+work)

[yotafan]

SAFE HAVENS. Definition: Seldom-used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a dumpe rof your sex entering the bathroom.



At work we call this " Secret Squirrel "

[Drio]

Best.Thread.Ever.

[Benno123]

Best.Thread.Ever.

nope.that.is.this.one
http://forums.slickdeals.net/showthread.php?sduid=1177&t=65497

[Texazz]

My boyfriend is always talking about hating to poop at work.

WHAT?!?! Does he realize that at work, he's on the clock?? In other words, he is being paid to poop at work. At home, he poops pro bono. Sure the surroudings arent ideal, but my doodie has gots to get paid.

[JeepMomSavings]

I can't believe such a shitty thread is this long. I hope it's healthy and has a slight curve to it.

[Reneek]

Sink or float, this has been an interesting thread.

[.DC.]

I just dropped the kiddies off at the pool...I keep threatning to send DD a pix one of these days..but my cell phone does not have a camera on it...:lol:

[JimDav50]

I just read this post for the first time and I laughed so hard my room mates came out to see what I was laughing at. I told them it was 12 of the funniest pages I have ever read On a forum. Then they found out it was about "pooping at work" and about died. Thanks for all the laughs. It will be hard to top this thread I am sure.

[hathor]

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I just finished reading this entire thread. I am laughing so hard I am crying. :crylol: :rofl2:

[random.]

Why am I not surprised that a thread about pooping has 9.2k views?

[LoriAnn715]

I dont think I have ever laughed so loud and so hard in my life...this is hilarious!

[silcam]

This list is all wrong, are we teaching children to be embarassed of something natural and beautiful? Be proud of your efforts and glorify the results. Walk out of that stall with your head high in the air with an attitude that tells the world loudly "look what I did!"

:lol: Beautiful?

[greatvyper]

First of all my poop smells like a new car.. second I love to POOP!!! Farting, pooping and taking a nice long whiz are the little pleasures of life... Mmmmmmm... love that new car smell!

[celjla212]

OMG everyone has at least two funny poop stories

[TMNT25]

Anyone ever stuffed a newspaper or magazine down your pants to take in there to read? I can't sit there with nothing to read. If I'm desperate, I'll read labels on cleaning bottles or play Wheel of Fortune on my cell phone.

I go to any news or financial advice website and print out a nice size article or two. The magazine or newspaper is too big/obvious. The articles fit nicely in my pockets

[colleend]

This was too much information.:lol:

[Shucksgirl]

I miss CucumberJohnson. :sadwalk:

Did he marry that girl in Florida? The one he drove through the tornado to visit?

[Ram|bunc|tious]

Dunno ... anyone see CJ around? :dontknow:

[vec]

OK, Rammy. We got the point. You cannot come up with your own ideas so you bump a 347 year old thread with the word poop in the title. :whee:

[Ram|bunc|tious]

OK, Rammy. We got the point. You cannot come up with your own ideas so you bump a 347 year old thread with the word poop in the title. :whee:

Ok ... would you prefer:

(a) another poll thread
(b) another mock-the-NE-Pats-fans thread
(c) bump an ancient thread?

:dontknow:

[Momto2pooches]

347 years old? :huh:

[blo0op]

sorry to be bumping a 350 year old thread but i just read this thread and i love it! i have a few interesting stories of my own

*warning* do not read when you are about to eat or eating

1.) i used to work in a department store and one day, one of the maintenance guys came over and told us not to use the upstairs lady restroom for awhile. Details may be blurry but it was like CSI in there. we had to piece together the story by the crime scene. So a lady walks in with a real bad need to poop. she goes in the first stall she chooses. she must have ripped her pants down real fast and didn't even get a chance to sit on the seat when explosive diarrhea come blasting out. it covered the seat, the floor, the toilet stall partitions, the back wall, i think even a bit of the ceiling. so stall one is soiled and too gross for her to sit in anymore. needing to poop more, she waddles, with pants still down (and soiled i would assumed) into the next stall. as the poop was so explosive and covered all surfaces of the stall, it covered her butt surface too. she sits said butt surface down on toilet in stall two and finishes her business. in doing so, she smears poop all over the second toilet seat. and then vanishes. well i don't know if she vanishes, but i know i didn't see anyone walking around the store covered in poo. /end of story 1.

2.) for about six months, i had to fly down from seattle to santa barbara once a month for work. this was a pretty easy trip. 2.5 hour flight. small airport in santa barbara so it was fast security. relatively no problems. one day, our flight was delayed. we didn't find out why until one of my coworkers, who had checked in online, tried to get a boarding pass at the airport since she left hers at work. though she had checked in online fine, at the airport they said she didn't and assigned her a seat. this prompted me and another coworker to check ours. we had the same problem. apparently they closed half the plane so that no one was sitting in the back half of the plane. it was a small plane, only four seats across about 17 rows. we found out that someone had a major "accident" on the plane and it was so bad, they closed half the plane. all i could imagine was someone had projectile vomiting or something. but half the plane? more information came later. it was an "accident" in the one bathroom they have on board. the delay was because, to clean it, a hazmat team had to come in. it was a contamination site. yes a hazmat team! we finally boarded after a 2 hour delay and they ended up closing off only the last two rows to somewhat "control" the smell. however, the bathroom was closed off too. federal regulations stated you cannot fly more than 90 minutes or something without an operable bathroom. so for a normal 2.5 hour direct flight from santa barbara to seattle, we had to land in portland for half an hour so everyone can take a potty break! needless to say, i was very happy to get home that night.

[saxxlane]

:teehee:

Lost it at Camo-Cough! :lol:

[Qaid]

sorry to be bumping a 350 year old thread but i just read this thread and i love it! i have a few interesting stories of my own

*warning* do not read when you are about to eat or eating

1.) i used to work in a department store and one day, one of the maintenance guys came over and told us not to use the upstairs lady restroom for awhile. Details may be blurry but it was like CSI in there. we had to piece together the story by the crime scene. So a lady walks in with a real bad need to poop. she goes in the first stall she chooses. she must have ripped her pants down real fast and didn't even get a chance to sit on the seat when explosive diarrhea come blasting out. it covered the seat, the floor, the toilet stall partitions, the back wall, i think even a bit of the ceiling. so stall one is soiled and too gross for her to sit in anymore. needing to poop more, she waddles, with pants still down (and soiled i would assumed) into the next stall. as the poop was so explosive and covered all surfaces of the stall, it covered her butt surface too. she sits said butt surface down on toilet in stall two and finishes her business. in doing so, she smears poop all over the second toilet seat. and then vanishes. well i don't know if she vanishes, but i know i didn't see anyone walking around the store covered in poo. /end of story 1.


:eat:

[Drio]

:rock: Thank god this got saved from archiving. :lol:

[luckykitti]

the worst pooping story i have is by the mpls airport i had to go sooo badly and i went into the bathroom and there was a pile of poo and toilet paper like it was a biffy! but above the seat! in a gas station! re you kidding me!!?!

these are hilarious by the way thanks for bumping this thread!! :lol:

[Reneek]

Wow...this has popped up again, huh? It's still funny too! lol

[DNC]

THE original lounge poop thread.

[fibonaccisquare]

Ok so I realize this thread is older than the poop it references, but it was thoroughly entertaining and I'm just wandering around the forums trying to learn my way around things other than hot deals and cvs...

So some questions/additions... I work at a dance studio but our bathrooms are shared with like 8 or 10 other shops/businesses in the building...

In this bathroom there are 3 urinals and 2 poopers (a tiny one and the king's throne aka handicap accessible.)


Several problems with these bathrooms...
1) Someone in the building has explosive poops like at least once a week... I have yet to figure out who it is but I'm going to nickname them the pooper nuker... seriously it doesn't matter how much the toilet gets flushed it looks like someone dropped a brown paint bomb inside the toilet

2) Someone in the building uses a roll and a half of toilet paper to cover the seat and does one of two things... a) leaves the tp on the seat as though someone else wants to sit on their makeshift seat cover... (as a side note it always seems to have been peed on when I get there dammit... bad enough to have to kick it off as is) OR b) they manage to knock it into the toilet after their flush and then there is so much tp in the toilet that if you are the unfortunate pooper to follow you leave a surprise for the next occupant.

3) One of the guys I work with and I are apparently on the same bathroom schedule because every time I seem to need to use it, either he's already in there or he's shortly behind me. What do you do when your coworker tries to have a conversation with you when you're in the bathroom...

[iconian]

Ok so I realize this thread is older than the poop it references, but it was thoroughly entertaining and I'm just wandering around the forums trying to learn my way around things other than hot deals and cvs...

So some questions/additions... I work at a dance studio but our bathrooms are shared with like 8 or 10 other shops/businesses in the building...

In this bathroom there are 3 urinals and 2 poopers (a tiny one and the king's throne aka handicap accessible.)


Several problems with these bathrooms...
1) Someone in the building has explosive poops like at least once a week... I have yet to figure out who it is but I'm going to nickname them the pooper nuker... seriously it doesn't matter how much the toilet gets flushed it looks like someone dropped a brown paint bomb inside the toilet

2) Someone in the building uses a roll and a half of toilet paper to cover the seat and does one of two things... a) leaves the tp on the seat as though someone else wants to sit on their makeshift seat cover... (as a side note it always seems to have been peed on when I get there dammit... bad enough to have to kick it off as is) OR b) they manage to knock it into the toilet after their flush and then there is so much tp in the toilet that if you are the unfortunate pooper to follow you leave a surprise for the next occupant.

3) One of the guys I work with and I are apparently on the same bathroom schedule because every time I seem to need to use it, either he's already in there or he's shortly behind me. What do you do when your coworker tries to have a conversation with you when you're in the bathroom...

install a cam there and share the link with drio :)

[snwbdr94]

3) One of the guys I work with and I are apparently on the same bathroom schedule because every time I seem to need to use it, either he's already in there or he's shortly behind me. What do you do when your coworker tries to have a conversation with you when you're in the bathroom...

What do I do? I would talk back. I take at least 1 - 2 craps a day and every one knows it. Why be ashamed of taking that big crap when it stirrs up? I love the fact I get paid to do it and not get yelled at. Ah the few joys of the world that no matter how bad of a day i'm having, it always makes me feel better!

[FreebiesRGreat]

Mr Freebies crop dusts while we grocery shop. Yuck.

[Derek22]

cucumberjohnson no comment !!!!(cucumber)

[Catsanova]

when i worked security the funniest work story i ever heard on the first job at a warehouse was one my supervisor told me.the guy i was replaceing was fired for self pleasuring himself in the bathroom.my supervisor had went into the bathroom and heard him.the guy tryed to say he was just pooping :lmao: my supervisor warned me do not do that or ill be fired too.the warning wasnt needed :lol:

[snwbdr94]

when i worked security the funniest work story i ever heard on the first job at a warehouse was one my supervisor told me.the guy i was replaceing was fired for self pleasuring himself in the bathroom.my supervisor had went into the bathroom and heard him.the guy tryed to say he was just pooping :lmao: my supervisor warned me do not do that or ill be fired too.the warning wasnt needed :lol:

Did he like, look in the stall? :vomit:

[aliadam]

OMG!!! I'd never seen this thread. I have been sitting here laughing out loud for the last 1/2 hour:lol:

[Catsanova]

Did he like, look in the stall? :vomit:
no he heard sounds more of pleasuring not pooping he said.dont ask me the difference,for some it is a pleasure to poop but i guess my supervisor could tell the difference :lol:

[snwbdr94]

I know it's more often then not that its a pleasure to poop. Oh the goodness to lose some easy weight!

[DNC]

I'm not a fan of taking a shit at work. Between the explosive diarrhea, and their piss poor aim. I'm scared to let my ass touch the seat.

[TigerStar]

Great thread :thumbup:

[contaction]

oh, i LOVE the paid poop!

[KTMay]

Great thread :thumbup:
A classic!

[Drio]

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff223/Drio4000/moon2.jpg

[KTMay]

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff223/Drio4000/moon2.jpg
Ouch. :(

[TigerStar]

They recently moved us to another building. There are about 110 of us on this floor in one area with 2 restrooms. Close quarters. I am worried that if I let it go in the restroom then the whole floor will know it.

[KTMay]

They recently moved us to another building. There are about 110 of us on this floor in one area with 2 restrooms. Close quarters. I am worried that if I let it go in the restroom then the whole floor will know it.I say LET EM KNOW IT! Then, when they see you go in there, they'll run far, far away, and you can have the crapper all to yourself. :cool:

[TigerStar]

:scratch: not a bad idea.

... and I did eat Taco Bell for lunch today.....

[KTMay]

:scratch: not a bad idea.

... and I did eat Taco Bell for lunch today.....Ohhhhh buddy! Eat some hard boiled eggs, and head in there!! :woot:

[TigerStar]

hmm, I need to leave at 2:15 for a doc appt, so if I timed it right, I could do the duty and be out before anyone catches drift of it.

[KTMay]

hmm, I need to leave at 2:15 for a doc appt, so if I timed it right, I could do the duty and be out before anyone catches drift of it.:highfive: Make it so!

[Shucksgirl]

CucumberJohnson...good times...good times :lol:

Wonder if he ever married that girl from Florida :scratch:


On a more recent note...

Tiger I am so glad we don't work in the same office. :shocking:

[Ram|bunc|tious]

OMG!!! I'd never seen this thread. I have been sitting here laughing out loud for the last 1/2 hour:lol:

Might be a good time for others to enjoy a Lounge classic :rofl2:

[handyguy]

There are vid's on Youtube with this exact title. lol
HOW TO POOP AT WORK

[NCSU2008]

i use to love pooping at work. i mean whats not to like. away from work, taking a dump and getting paid. now for me its like mfing pulling teeth. =/

[TigerStar]

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff223/Drio4000/moon2.jpg
Where did drio go?

[noungning]

:roll: omg, the stories in this thread is priceless. :crylol:

I especially loved the walk of shame x3 w/ plunger in hand. :rofl2:

I stickied this thread for future amusement.

[Drio]

Where did drio go?

Started a new job about a year ago... less slacking. Another kid too.... so zero time.

[TigerStar]

Started a new job about a year ago... less slacking. Another kid too.... so zero time.
Well ladeeda! Mention him and he appears...

Glad things are working out for ya.

[.DC.]

Started a new job about a year ago... less slacking. Another kid too.... so zero time.
zero time also helps with not making another kid...:lol:

[VorlonFrog]

Has nobody here ever read ForeverDecember's posts about her ridiculously rancid boss?

[iconian]

I got a story about pooping but it would be so unMODlike to post it.

[llskankzll]

I got a story about pooping but it would be so unMODlike to post it.

PM me and will post it :lmao:



TURD BURGLAR :lmao: