If you really really really want to lose weight fast follow one of these fast diet plans:
Get food poisoning - this one really works. You'll be erupting from both ends and you'll drop pounds super quick.
Throw up. It's that simple. Throw up as much as you can as often as you can.
Become a nymphomaniac. You can burn 300 calories at a "go".
Steroids and weight lifting? I don't see how this could fail. Win-win.
Amputation, permanent weight loss. You will not gain this weight back EVER.
These are just some of my ideas, I think I need to start my own weight loss center.