Forum Thread

splitting bills with your partner?

201 37 January 23, 2018 at 10:32 AM
Deal
Score
0
1,693 Views

Thread Details

0 Deal Score
1,693 Views
splitting bills with your partner?
Not sure if this is the right forum .. but just wanted to see how is everyone splitting their finances/ bills with their SOs.

here is my situation:
I have been with my GF for around 6 years. We have been living together for about 4 years and have a 1.5 y old son. Bill split has always been a sore subject for us and i am looking for some feedback on how others are doing it.

We live in my house where I cover all the mortgage. Prior to the baby she used to chip in for food and covered her own expenses. Once she stopped working I covered all her expenses and minor spending money even though she has significant savings.

Now that she's ready to go back to work we need to re access our bill split. i make roughly a 3rd more than she does.

22 Comments

1 2

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Nov 2006
L5: Journeyman
566 Posts
185 Reputation
#2
My wife and I had 2 kids together prior to being married. She took sometime off after the first kid. When she went back to work I covered the mortgage and all utilities (including cell, cable, elec, gas, internet) and she covered our household food and all necessary baby items.

I know that may not work for some but it worked for us. She was not an extravagant spender, really its me who dusts off all our money on vacations and random junk.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Nov 2005
L10: Grand Master
28,147 Posts
3,714 Reputation
#3
My method might sound complicated but it works very well for us. We each have checking accounts that our pay DD's into. Then we have a joint account. I have a budget (XLS) setup where reliable expenses are tallied. Based on who earns what (e.g. if there is a huge pay disparity) and who pays for benefits (in our case DW pays for them all), the XLS sheet gives $ values that each person should contribute to the joint account (I use automated transfers) each month. (It also gives a number to transfer to a savings account). There are a couple variables I can play with to give bigger monthly "buffers". IT works well.

To answer your question, since DW pays for all our benefits (pretax), I have to basically calculate what difference the pretax deductions make in her pay such that the "family" (our joint account) "pays" for them by reducing what she "owes" the joint account monthly.

Then, all household bills - mortgage, insurances, utilities, food, healthcare, kid expenses, etc etc - come out of the joint account, and all personal bills like - car payments, clothes, lunches, whatever, come out of the personal accounts. To accommodate this, we also have "joint" and "personal" CC's which auto debit out of the respective accounts.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Feb 2004
L10: Grand Master
6,960 Posts
968 Reputation
#4
There's three main schools of thought when splitting expenses:
  1. each pays their pro rata share (i.e., split equally)
  2. each pays proportional to their income or their benefits in the house (e.g., larger bedroom)
  3. all money goes into one pot and all expenses are taken from that pot

All have upsides and downsides, although a proportional split based on income is probably the most difficult of them to figure out (especially if you take into account benefits as Dr. J mentions).

Splitting equally leaves those with higher incomes more "personal" money, which may be seen as unfair to those with lower incomes. Splitting proportionally may leave those with higher incomes feeling like they contribute more but get nothing extra in return, but does give each person roughly equal "personal" money. Putting all money into one pot may have the same effect on those with higher incomes.

If you're not married, I wouldn't suggest everything going in to one pot; that's more for married couples.

Figure out which way you want to split things, writing down all the pros and cons of each for your situation. There's no wrong way to do it, as long as you're both happy with the arrangement. Maybe pick some method now, and reassess in 3 or 6 months, making adjustments as needed.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
Marshall: Have the rest of you guys figured out by now that mmathis is the smartest guy on SlickDeals?
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Oct 2010
L9: Master
4,219 Posts
993 Reputation
#5
Quote from mmathis
:


Splitting equally leaves those with higher incomes more "personal" money, which may be seen as unfair to those with lower incomes. Splitting proportionally may leave those with higher incomes feeling like they contribute more but get nothing extra in return, but does give each person roughly equal "personal" money. Putting all money into one pot may have the same effect on those with higher incomes.
I should be the last one to offer advice here, but anyone who complains about paying their equal share of expenses to run the home they are living in rent free and thinks they are entitled to a subsidy from a higher earner (esp if that higher earner owns the home and is essentially paying the cost of such ownership themselves (taxes, mortgage, insurance, etc.)) is being very selfish imo. It is one thing if they can not afford it, but quite another if they can and think the higher earner should subsidize them just because they make more. My 2 cents.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Nov 2004
L3: Novice
201 Posts
37 Reputation
Original Poster
#6
i am familiar with the different methods to split costs.. in my case though, my GF feels that she should not be responsible for any of the mortgage on the house since "i would still be paying it even if she was not living there" her quote. I am totally fine paying 66% of all bills incl mortgage due to earning difference but she feels that she should be paying 33% of all bills not including mortgage.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Oct 2010
L9: Master
4,219 Posts
993 Reputation
#7
Quote from oraphus
:
i am familiar with the different methods to split costs.. in my case though, my GF feels that she should not be responsible for any of the mortgage on the house since "i would still be paying it even if she was not living there" her quote. I am totally fine paying 66% of all bills incl mortgage due to earning difference but she feels that she should be paying 33% of all bills not including mortgage.

Wrt the home, I would tend to agree, but not for the reason she states. The home is under your name and your property\asset. As such, you should pay for its taxes, mortgage, insurance, etc. since she has no ownership in the property.

Wrt to the expenses, I would suggest you bring up her point of what she would be paying if she rented an apartment and had to pay for rent, utils, food, etc. She is essentially living rent free in the home and asking someone to split equally the util costs and other general expenses is not unreasonable unless she can not afford it (which it sounds like she is more than capable of paying). How she comes up with 1/3 instead of 1/2 is beyond me, unless she is somehow counting the child, which is kind of ridiculous imo. My 2 cents for what it is worth.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Mar 2010
L3: Novice
248 Posts
84 Reputation
#8
you guys are full of it and don't love your SO enough

what good is money when you are dead

obviously splitting this and that means this woman isn't your soul mate so move on cause u gus just using each other for fake company

when i made more all our money went into one pot

now she makes more with really good benefits and all our money is in one pot

i really don't care about money as long as my SO stays true to the game
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 1

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Nov 2005
L10: Grand Master
28,147 Posts
3,714 Reputation
#9
Quote from oraphi
:
i am familiar with the different methods to split costs.. in my case though, my GF feels that she should not be responsible for any of the mortgage on the house since "i would still be paying it even if she was not living there" her quote. I am totally fine paying 66% of all bills incl mortgage due to earning difference but she feels that she should be paying 33% of all bills not including mortgage.
Quote from YanksIn2009
:
Wrt the home, I would tend to agree, but not for the reason she states. The home is under your name and your property\asset. As such, you should pay for its taxes, mortgage, insurance, etc. since she has no ownership in the property.

Wrt to the expenses, I would suggest you bring up her point of what she would be paying if she rented an apartment and had to pay for rent, utils, food, etc. She is essentially living rent free in the home and asking someone to split equally the util costs and other general expenses is not unreasonable unless she can not afford it (which it sounds like she is more than capable of paying). How she comes up with 1/3 instead of 1/2 is beyond me, unless she is somehow counting the child, which is kind of ridiculous imo. My 2 cents for what it is worth.
That's the thing - fine if the home is in your name, you pay for it - I get that idea - but on the same token, then she should be paying rent. It's absurd to think that an earner (and by the sounds of it you are practically common-lawed anyway) could use the excuse of home ownership to get out of paying anything for a living space. She can either pay a % of the mortgage, or not pay a % and then pay rent. I'd bet she'd be better off the % of mortgage route, if you were to find rent comps in the area.
Reply Helpful Comment? 1 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Nov 2006
L5: Journeyman
566 Posts
185 Reputation
#10
Quote from bimmerboy
:
you guys are full of it and don't love your SO enough
Quote from bimmerboy
:
and that means this woman isn't your soul mate so move on
Quote from bimmerboy
:
as long as my SO stays true to the game
Lol, this post is gold
Reply Helpful Comment? 1 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Mar 2012
L3: Novice
167 Posts
24 Reputation
#11
We keep completely separate accounts, and we have a google doc spreadsheet that keeps a running total of who has paid what and tallies up who's ahead or behind...

Rent/groceries/bills/eating out/etc we post on there once a month or so, takes about 5 mins. When someone gets more than a couple thousand ahead the other cuts a check and zeroes out the balance.

Dealing with DD and joint accounts and all that is such a headache, not worth.

ETA: regarding housing, if we bought a house it would probably be under one person's name, and the other person would likely pay half of mortgage + half of upkeep costs, or else could pay what market rent would be for a similar place, whichever is less. In either case, said person would not have access to equity in house (either to the upside or the downside)
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
Last edited by jd2010 January 24, 2018 at 12:34 PM.
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Oct 2008
L8: Grand Teacher
3,342 Posts
326 Reputation
#12
Quote from oraphi
:
i am familiar with the different methods to split costs.. in my case though, my GF feels that she should not be responsible for any of the mortgage on the house since "i would still be paying it even if she was not living there" her quote. I am totally fine paying 66% of all bills incl mortgage due to earning difference but she feels that she should be paying 33% of all bills not including mortgage.
I think its fair if she says it that way you pay the mortgage you pay the taxes than the home is at full ownership of OP if you tell me. He has been the one making the payment not OPs girl so I think its fair that if you agree on those terms the house is fully yours when its paid off.

I only find it fair at that point, now if in the future say OP wants to sell his home all the money he makes from sell it should be his since he was the one making the payments. Things have changed its not where the man pays everything and the woman stays at home taking care of the house. Life has gotten more expensive its just how overall things have changed.

If you make more OP than you can cover more cost, but she should also give her fair share and be fair to you. Clear things up with her I think its unfair that OP is paying the whole house and she isn't helping, but in the end of the day it would pay off better on OP's side because as I mentioned when the house is fully paid OP can do what he wants with the house its his investment since she decided not to help him out. You can try to discuss with her, but seems shes stubborn about helping you pay on the mortgage and overall just expects more out of you.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
just being slick
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Oct 2010
L9: Master
4,219 Posts
993 Reputation
#13
Quote from Dr. J
:
That's the thing - fine if the home is in your name, you pay for it - I get that idea - but on the same token, then she should be paying rent. It's absurd to think that an earner (and by the sounds of it you are practically common-lawed anyway) could use the excuse of home ownership to get out of paying anything for a living space. She can either pay a % of the mortgage, or not pay a % and then pay rent. I'd bet she'd be better off the % of mortgage route, if you were to find rent comps in the area.

I completely agree that in theory, she should be paying rent and 1/2 utils\expenses. That said, if it were me in this situation, I would want to retain full ownership of the property and give her no equity in the home either directly or indirectly via a % mortgage payment. Not sure what the law is on such, but in the event of a break up on hostile terms, you really do not want to be in court arguing before a judge defending why she should not get a percentage of the equity or some lump sum payment if she paid a % of the mortgage over an extended period of time or other nonsense like that. I have no idea what the law is on such, but it is just best to be avoided and keep the house and all payments for its mortgage, taxes, insurance on the Ops bank roll.

As to charging her rent, I completely agree, but from the sound of it it looks like it is well past that point and arguing that is likely to go nowhere good lol. Something that should have been ironed out and agreed to prior to her moving in. However, expecting her to pay 1/2 of all operational and util expenses for the home while she is living there is completely reasonable imo. Anything less is ridiculous imo.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Jun 2005
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
6,339 Posts
2,491 Reputation
#14
Quote from oraphi
:
i am familiar with the different methods to split costs.. in my case though, my GF feels that she should not be responsible for any of the mortgage on the house since "i would still be paying it even if she was not living there" her quote. I am totally fine paying 66% of all bills incl mortgage due to earning difference but she feels that she should be paying 33% of all bills not including mortgage.
So if you broke up she would not ask for 1/2 of the value of the house?

I think you need a prenup type financial agreement done by a 3rd party.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
This comment has been rated as unhelpful by Slickdeals users
Joined Nov 2004
L3: Novice
201 Posts
37 Reputation
Original Poster
#15
Quote from komondor
:
So if you broke up she would not ask for 1/2 of the value of the house?

I think you need a prenup type financial agreement done by a 3rd party.
there is no common law marriage in my state.. so she would not have a claim on the house. But yes, to save myself the hassle i am fine covering the mortgage fully.

Trying to convince her that she should be helping with the bills, utilities, food and child care is the battle currently. Honestly its mind numbing to me that I even have to bring it up with her.
Reply Helpful Comment? 0 0
Page 1 of 2
1 2
Join the Conversation
Add a Comment
 
Copyright 1999 - 2018. Slickdeals, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Copyright / Infringement Policy  •  Privacy Policy  •  Terms of Service  •  Acceptable Use Policy (Rules)  •  Interest-Based Ads
Link Copied to Clipboard