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Official Political Humor Thread

rayzac 26,507 2,084 October 20, 2006 at 09:38 AM
Since politics and humor do not always mix, yet the lounge is a little touchy about such topics, this will be the official thread in the Podium to post humor items (jokes, cartoons, blogs, etc). Anything that is overly offensive will still be moderated according to the rules and we will enforce the "No complaining about politics" rule more closely here.

Because of the volitile nature of the Podium, this thread will be limited to posts on humor content and debating will not be allowed in this thread. We will use the spamming and/or trolling if you choose to debate in here.

System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.

July 12, 2010, 3:55 pm: System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.


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This is too true to be funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.

A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

A billion dollars ago was only
8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government
is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain...
let's take a look at New Orleans ...
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)
was asking Congress for
To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number...
What does it mean?

Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman and child)
You each get$516,528

Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

Or... If you are a family of four...
Your family gets$2,066,012.

Washington , D.C

Are all your calculators broken??

Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax (Fed)
Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurringCharges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage ChargeTax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Caca Tax created by State and Local Surcharge Tax
(And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)


Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?
Can you spell

And I still have to
Press '1'
For English.

What the heck happened?????
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Just the facts ma'am: Obama Meets Sgt. Friday and Officer Gannon on Dragnet (2 min video)
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CARTOONS: America Is Losing Control In The Middle East
From Iran to Afghanistan.
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Quote from JOHNLAW View Post :
This is too true to be funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

What the heck happened?????
Most Americans understand your anger and agree.. Good post..
Very thought provoking.. I sent your post as an email to my friends and they are forwarding it to their friends..
No telling how many times it has crossed the country by now.. nod ..
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Procrastination is the thief of time.
-- Edward Young

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a
little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

-- Benjamin Franklin

You shouldn't mix meditation with management.
The mind gets too empty.

-- Scott Adams, "Dilbert"
·  03-20-2012 at 11:26 PM
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AP headline: Dems, GOP woo unmarried women voters

The difference is Dems are wooing them to their side while Republicans are wooing them to intravaginal ultrasound clinics.
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Nothing like a Ford Truck. New Truck built by a company we didn't bail out...
I bought a new 2012 Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned to the dealer yesterday, because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light And nearly creamed my new truck , But I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, '@ss Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with,

Ladies and gentlemen, The President of The United States

Damn I love this truck...
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"The media's the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that's power. Because they control the minds of the masses." -Malcolm X-
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Good Plan

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!

They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin.

And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win- win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush or Obama think of this?

Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Bill Clinton
Subject: Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson

"When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt
as Europe." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and
give to those who would not." -- Thomas Jefferson

"It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if
acted on would save one-half the wars of the world." -- Thomas Jefferson

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." -- Thomas Jefferson

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
-- Thomas Jefferson

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson

"To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical." -- Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802: "I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.

If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first
by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property - until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."

Subj: Re: Where are Jim, Tim, and Franklin?

On 04/06/12, Dennis K<> wrote:

Here's a quick look into the three former Fannie Mae executives who
brought down Wall Street.

Franklin Raines - was a Chairman and Chief Executive Officer at Fannie Mae.? Raines was forced to retire from his position with Fannie Mae when auditing discovered severe irregularities in Fannie Mae's accounting activities. Raines left with a "golden parachute valued at $240 Million in benefits. The Government filed suit against Raines when the depth of the accounting scandal became clear.

Tim Howard - was the Chief Financial Officer of Fannie Mae. Howard "was a strong internal proponent of using accounting strategies that would ensure a "stable pattern of earnings" at Fannie. Investigations by federal regulators and the company's board of directors since concluded that management did manipulate 1998 earnings to trigger bonuses. Raines and Howard resigned under pressure in late 2004. Howard's Golden Parachute was estimated at $20 Million!

Jim Johnson - A former executive at Lehman Brothers and who was later forced from his position as Fannie Mae CEO. Investigators found that Fannie Mae had hidden a substantial amount of Johnson's 1998 compensation from the public, reporting that it was between $6 million and $7 million when it fact it was $21 million." Johnson is currently under investigation for taking illegal loans from Countrywide while serving as CEO of Fannie Mae. Johnson's Golden Parachute was estimated at $28 Million.

FRANKLIN RAINES , Raines works for the Obama Campaign as his Chief Economic Advisor.

TIM HOWARD Howard is a Chief Economic Advisor to Obama under Franklin Raines.

JIM JOHNSON Johnson was hired as a Senior Obama Finance Advisor and was selected to run Obama's Vice Presidential Search Committee.

Kinda makes you sick to your stomach.
Our government seems to be rotten to the core!
Are we stupid or what?

Vote in is the most important election of our lives...


This is so sad but true.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on. An unbelievably messed up country are we!
You know you live in Upside-down Land if...

A Muslim officer crying "Allah Akbar" while shooting up an army base is considered to have committed "Workplace Violence" while an American citizen boasting a Ron Paul bumper sticker is classified as a "Domestic Terrorist" .

You know you live in Upside-down Land if...

Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend more money.

AND if...
A seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for calling his teacher "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration class on a college campus is perfectly acceptable,
OR if...
The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.
And if ...
Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately discipline them while children of "underprivileged" drug addicts are left to rot in filth infested cesspools.
OR IF...
Working class Americans pay for their own health care (and the health care of everyone else) while unmarried women are free to have child after child on the "State's" dime while never being held responsible for their own choices.

You know you live in Upside-down Land if...

Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes on earned income (unless, of course, you work in a Wall Street Buyout Firm), while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid and subsidized housing.
The government's plan for getting people back to work is to provide 99 weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).
And if
Being self-sufficient is considered a threat to the government.
Or if
Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.

Or if...
The rights of the State come before the rights of the individual.

You know you live in Upside-down Land if...

Parents believe the State, and their school system, is responsible for providing for their children.
OR if..
You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying iphones, TV's and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).

Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you "safe".

You know you live in Upside-down Land if...

You have to get your parents signature to go on a field trip, but not to get an abortion.

You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.

And if
An 80 year old woman can be strip searched by the TSA but a Muslim woman in a burqa is only subject to having her neck and head searched.

You know you live in Upside-down Land if

. Using the "N" word isconsidered "hate speech" but writing and singing songs about raping women and killing cops is considered "art".

Who needs enemies when we have the political leadership we have?"

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth..
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when
the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.
Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too
embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."

Airport Screenings

January Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3

Subject: FW: I hate it when something like this (true) comes along!!!!!

New Medicare Program for old people

An option - not a great one but an option none the less

 New Medicare Program for old people
  You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no
nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives
anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.

You are allowed to shoot four politicians.

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get
three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air
conditioning and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No
problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney,
lungs or heart? They're all covered.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do
now..( they pay for the children's transportation, a large chauffeured
AC van and motel room for each visit if distance is involved to your
new home.)

And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that
just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income
taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?
 You can always enter this country  as a visitor ,with your seriousÂ
health problem   go to the emergency room at a hospital of choice   Â
be admitted and get all of the above for
Gray-Haired Brigade

They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs. Some of us are "Baby Boomers" getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were. We have worked hard, raised our children, worshipped our God and grown old together. Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration.
In school we studied English, history, math, and science which enabled us to lead America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don't know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started with a crank. Yes, we lived those days.
We are probably considered old fashioned and out-dated by many. But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off. We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam . We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, and know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield. We didn't fight for the Socialist States of America ; we fought for the "Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave." We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled Banner, America ,and America the Beautiful by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing. We have lived what many of you have only read in history books and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America .
Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us. We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it. It is our country and nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.

It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama and the Democratic Congress. You fell for the "Hope and Change" which in reality was nothing but "Hype and Lies." You have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face, and have found you don't like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or "Climbing the Social Ladder" to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting. Many of those who fell for the "Great Lie" in 2008 are now having buyer's remorse. With all the education we gave you, you didn't have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the 'Kool-Aid.' Now you're paying the price and complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes, and less freedom. This is what you voted for and this is what you got. We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house.

Well, don't worry youngsters, the Gray-Haired Brigade is here, and in 2012 we are going to take back our nation. We may drive a little slower than you would like but we get where we're going, and in 2012 we're going to the polls by the millions. This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. It belongs to "We the People" and "We the People" plan to reclaim our land and our freedom. We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the "Gray-Haired Brigade."
Author, Anon. Gray-Haired Brigade Member


This is spot on. I am another Gray-Haired Geezer signing on. I will circulate this to other Gray-Haired Geezers all over this once great county. Can you feel the ground shaking??? It's not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE.
"Turn Tail and Run" Law Proposed
by Evan F. Nappen

Washington, D.C. Senator Lousenburg (D. NJ) has filed the "Turn Tail and Run" (TTR) bill in the U.S. Senate which, if passed, would preempt ALL State "Stand Your Ground" (SYG) laws. The new bill would impose a national duty to retreat at all times when one encounters a criminal threat or is about to become a victim of violent crime. New York City Mayor Bloomingidiot has made passage of the "TTR" a centerpiece of his national "Second Chance at Shoot First" campaign. The mayor heartily approved of TTR, especially since bodyguards of celebrities, VIP's, and political figures were exempted.

When the President was asked about TTR at a recent press conference he expressed his eager support. He said " Great Britain has long banned self defense" and "Americans need to be brave, like Sir Robin." The President then quoted a passage from the classic British tale of Sir Robin:

"Brave Sir Robin ran away. Bravely ran away, away. When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about. And gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet. He beat a very brave retreat. Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!"

He further pointed out four simple rules of how TTR would apply:

1) You are criminally attacked, run away!
2) You see others being criminally attacked, run away!
3) You are threatened with violent crime, run away!
4) You see others being threatened with violent crime, run away!

The President illustrated these simple rules as follows, "So for example, if you are mugged in the street, attacked by a rapist, threatened with a deadly weapon, or confronted by a burglar in your home, be brave and run away! If you see others facing such threats, be brave and run away!

He further commented that TTR is a proud American tradition that helped us win our independence, "We, as Americans, need to remember the example set by Captain Parker at Lexington Green in 1775 when he bravely said to his fellow Minutemen, "Turn tail and run. Don 't fire even if fired upon. If they mean to have a war, let it begin somewhere else."


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Last edited by JOHNLAW April 24, 2012 at 10:59 PM.
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^ laugh out loud (And sad at the same time.)
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