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lol this was from 2009.. voting ended a long time ago -Story time in the lounge! These are the entries for the Contest Encore!

70,084 5,351 October 23, 2009 at 05:19 PM
One vote per member...poll will be private. You have 2 days to vote. Polls close at 8:21PM EST Sunday. Oct.25th, 2009. (time reflects time needed to set this up and still allow 2 full days.)



The rules are listed in the contest thread. here


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Story #1


My non-fictional, fictional story.

It was a cold and snowy Halloween night, but I didn't give a fark because I could smell Schooby's cookies baking. I know 95% of the Lounger's LOVE HATE snow but zmarko, Rugrats Wink and I love it. I guess zmarko loves it because he always screams "OMG, I have an AWD WRX and I don't get stuck". Whee Ok, enough about him, back to the cookies! These cookies have such a great smell, that some weird chick named BG who is in Montana can smell them too. As I am drooling over the smell of fresh baked cookies, I get a call from Icon and he asks, "Hey, dou wants 2 comee ovar, im havina midenightt paarty?" I told him sure; I will be over in 15 minutes. Arriving at his house, I see many cars parked outside, and I was praying this was going to be a good party. Just as I got out of my car, I see a little punk ass kid throwing eggs at Icon's house. He was dressed up as pedobear and seemed like he was mad at someone. I screamed at him, but he drove off in a stolen VW Beetle. Icon came out to see what all the commotion was about. He sees the eggs splattered everywhere and grabs a plate from inside. He starts cooking the farkin eggs like he's on Iron Chef America!

I finally get inside his house and I see a few buddies including Schooby and her fresh baked cookies! Drio was pigging out on them like there was no tomorrow. Most had nuts but some didn't because Serra was there with Kristin trying to get her a BOC. Arj was also there watching the WSOP with Rammy and I asked him how the fark he was doing? He said OK, and gave me a farkin warning for swearing and told me to go in timeout!!! I think he was just pissed off that the Dodgers lost. While we were all chatting, Icon was in the kitchen cooking up a storm which included some pork chops and frog legs. He was acting like a robot! Speaking of robots, Selma could not make it because she was on a Front Page posting spree on Slickdeals competing against yuugotserved. The omelets that Icon made from the thrown eggs were finished and he had to post pics of them on Slickdeals. Jex & DNC decided to give them a try, but they spit them out because they were NASTY. Even TR's River didn't want that crap because she said the peppers in the omelet looked like a large zit that needed medical help. Just TS liked them, but after 10 minutes he was farting fire and smoke. Hesitant to try any more of Icon's food, Shuri arrives. He just so happens to have 500 $10 gift cards for free pizza, so he went ahead and ordered some. He always has some kind of epic and random gift cards which I love about him. The doorbell rings and there is the pizza man all covered in snow and shivering. I asked what his name was before we tipped him with 25 Dale and Thomas Popcorn gift cards, and he replies in a quiet tone, "Ray Nagin". Confused He tells us that he got impeached. Even though he's an asshat, we asked him to join the party, but he declined.

Consuming too much alcohol after we ate the pizza, some of us recall critical moments. Arj was talking to Icon both orally and online, and tells us that he was talking and typing PERFECTLY! Rayzac called Serra and told her that he was getting married to Brynn. Serra, Arj & Icon tell us that Mr. Slickdeals made Autumn a mod. Kramer actually won VS a vending machine and VQ & MLV dont pun anymore. As wasted as I was, I decided to jump on Icons computer and I logged into Slickdeals. Things were pretty out of place. Loribear was being mean to everyone, while Max was being lovable to everyone, balloon boy was actually in the balloon, there were no more spoofs, reposts or chat threads, luckykitti quit partying, 20 lbs was actually the weight like 30 lbs when a guy lifts, and Zoe didnt post any threads about people dying. There was even a hot new girl that entered The Lounge. She made her first post with a rant icon (not a noob after all) ranting about school, and some lab partner she had to work with. Apparently her lab partner likes to egg houses. Just as I was about to reply to her thread.I woke up.




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Story #2


District: Slickville
State: Dreamland
It was a warm and sunny Monday at Slickville, though it was winter. The best school in the district was known as ''the Lounge High school (LHS)'', with consistent high grades across many years. Halloween was fast
approaching and everyone and their uncle were preparing for the best Halloween party the coming Friday. .The principal of LHS wanted a theme for the Halloween party, but he was very confused what to go with.
So he decided to do an impromtu contest at the Parent Teacher Association meeting (PTA) . Parents submitting the best theme would win a 7 night cruise on Norwegian cruise Line, from any port they wish to start from, and also return flight tickets to that destination.
After all, this was the state of Dreamland. Slickville was the most booming economy in that state.. It was a win win situation... The LHS had an amazing growth rate, that prompted more
parents to move to that district, that prompted more flow into the economy, and that prompted, an overall booming rate for the economy of the Dreamsland state where Slickville was located.
Nobama, the ruler of that country, had made a deal with the principal that they could help emulate that winning scenario to other schools, other states, and later, to other countries, even to Afghanistan/Iraq and everywhere else.. Since the principal volunteered to help others achieve the same, Nobama promised that he
could easily get a sponsor for their school contest prize....
This was a true cosmopolitan school, there were all kinds of children and families. Some from single parents, some from couples, some from gay couples...
Most parents at the PTA thought it was great idea that their thoughts were asked for! After all, how difficult could that be, they figured. They were used to giving advice to people anyways.
One by one, the principal started reading out the suggestions...
Lloyd. and Serra suggested that the halloween theme should be ''romance based'' and children should know the meaning of true love. It would be like a valentine party combined with a
halloween party.
Zoe Moon decided that reverse halloween trick or treat is the trend and she wanted the school to hand out ''Doors'' to students, who can approach people, dress up as old women/old men, and
when someone opens the door upon knocking, pretend to open the door and then hand them some treats... Then run away and go to another door...
iconian wanted this to be a transformers themed halloween since that was for him the most happening event in the world currently.
TigerStar and RayNagin were busy searching the library for original posts of reposts of tricks on halloween and so missed the deadline for the halloween theme school contest.
XL_jockey and Jex had a lot of ideas for halloween, but they decided those were not really for school age kids, and they decided to keep away from the contest too.
VQ and Justawannabe said that the best theme for halloween would be a Seniors trick or treat..
emelvee said since crusing is the best thing in the world after school.. the theme for the party should be freestyle cruising.
msgal67belle said that recycling and couponing was the trend, so that should be the theme, with partyware made of recycled stuff, halloween event prizes being the best coupons, and so on..
AggieMom wanted a retro halloween party for the LHS. She said that an old fashioned party for halloween would be the best thing for the kids, to let them know how life was in the 80's and '90's.
SonofaBeech and Gossipgirlxoxo said that a beach halloween party is the bestest thing, but since grammarpolice objected to the word ''bestest'', the principal had to agree and withdraw that entry from the contest.
BikerEric said that as long as the halloween party was held, he didnt care what the theme was.
LordRamZ was busy advising newjerseygirl about some perpetual useless information he gleaned from here and there, and so they both could not participate in the contest.
MissyMooMoo and Autumn gave the same suggestion surprisingly. They both felt that a nature theme showing colors of the season (summer, Fall) and animals (frogs, cows and pigs) and such would be great.
Pig, Scampsters, Clivefrog, Loribear and Grizzley agreed with MissyMoo totally, a rare event.
BeeEss, RebateAddict, Wetdream, vec, jenni., shaggy did not attend the PTA because they had other important stuff to do that day. They were reading the ''The Idiot's guide to Saving money and other myths'', the latest bestseller on Barnes and Very Noble fiction category.
Ram[bunc]tious and GeminiGirl said that the best halloween party for a school would be a birthday party, since they had so much fun at their friends ArjunSr's birthday recently. They wanted the halloween party to have a birthday clown, birthday cakes, candles, confetti.. stuff that children enjoy always, they said!
Dr. J and DNC said that since a lot of people were scared of swine flu, H1N1, H2O and what not, the best thing to do would be vaccines instead of a halloween party.
schbusdrvr said that the best party would always have lots of halloween candy, irrespective of the theme. In fact, a theme wasnt even necessary.
Since everyone had such vast differences, they started arguing and a pandemonium ensued.
The security was called upon. TheRaddish and DJ3xclusive helped control the parents, and made them sit down and calm down and showed them some slickyoga poses. Slickyoga was a new branch of meditation where people chanted ''OhSlick'', munched on celery, and thusly achieved mental orgasms.
In such a state of mind of the PTA room, Rayzac entered and fainted. He was late for the PTA and had missed what happened so far. The principal of the school ''Mr SD'' said that the contest was closed for entries and since the Black and White House had texted him a theme for the halloween party, he would have to go with that theme.
What about the prize: Well, the pricipal announced that since Deepak Chopra and Rachel Ray said its all in the mind, they should think that they won the prize, and all the parents enjoyed the cruise in their imagination.
That Friday, the LHS had a minty green themed halloween as instruced by Nobama, and they all lived happily ever after..



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Story #3



Kaco was traveling and she stopped at a hotel and asked the desk clerk if he had a room. The guy said we only have one room left and they say it's haunted. Kaco said I am not afraid of no ghost. I'll take the room. Later that night when was sleeping .... I'm the ghost with the red eye... Louder I'm the ghost with the red eye.....She ran out and went to a different hotel. The desk clerk said sorry we only have one room left and they say it's haunted. Kaco was really tired and she didn't believe it would happen again , so she said that's fine. Quickly she was asleep. Once again I'm the ghost with the red eye... Louder I'm the ghost with the red eye..... This time she got up and drove the rest of the night and the following day. The next night she was exausted and she stopped to get a room and the desk clerk told her I only have one room and they say it's haunted. Kaco said listen I am tired and PMSing so I feel sorry for any ghost in my room tonight. So she took the room and she was fast asleep. I'm the ghost with the red eye... Louder I'm the ghost with the red eye..... Even Louder I'm the ghost with the red eye.....Kaco jumped up and said you better be quite or you'll be the ghost with the black eye.



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Story #4


Mr SD was working in the lab late one night
When his eyes beheld an eerie sight
For his Moderator from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to his surprise


Arj did the mash
Arj did the Moderator mash
The Moderator mash
It was a graveyard smash
Arj did the mash
It caught on in a flash
Arj did the mash
Arj did the Moderator mash


From his laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from Mr Sds electrodes


They did the mash
They did the Moderator mash
The Moderator mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the Moderator mash


The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Rayzac
Raddish and Dr Wu


The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Serra on chains, backed by her baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"


They played the mash
They played the Moderator mash
The Moderator mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the Moderator mash


Out from his coffin, Iconian's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatver hapend 2 my transylvana tvist?"


It's now the mash
It's now the Moderator mash
The Moderator mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the Moderator mash


Now everything's cool, Iconian's a part of the band
And Mr SDs Moderator mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Finzz sent you


Then you can mash
Then you can Moderator mash
The Moderator mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can Moderator mash


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Which story do you like the most???
Story #1 (7)
9%
Story #2 (12)
16%
Story #3 (2)
3%
Story #4 (5)
6%
Story #5 (3)
4%
Story #6 (6)
8%
Story #7 (21)
27%
Story #8 (2)
3%
Story #9 (19)
25%
Return to Poll
About the OP
Joined Dec 2004 Slickdeals Staff Sr. Community Manager
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Joined Dec 2004
Sr. Community Manager
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Original Poster
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Schooby | Staff
10-23-2009 at 05:22 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:22 PM.
Story #5


It was all Hallows' Eve and the lounge porch light was on. My large SD magic pumpkin was full of treats for the tricksters who dared darken my doorstep.

I was adorned in my Princess Leia slave girl costume that was inspired by hawaiiandawn's hula avatar. Surely the sight of my heaving moobs will inspire awe in those fortunate enough to espy my portly man frame. If not, I got a great deal on all-purpose cleaning supplies if the ambiance of the projectile vomiting gets too strong.

Shortly after dusk my first visitor arrives. Rayzac runs away screaming, "What is seen cannot be unseen", claws at his eyes and adds to the ambiance. I barely had the chance to admire his Pinky costume. Not much of a costume if you think about it.

Landers shows up wearing a Red Sox uniform. He reaches into the magic pumpkin and pulls out a card reading "You will be in Boston before the night is over". He happily skips away blissfully unaware as he turns into a pile of kibble. My Great Dane, Boston, devours him. No worries. Landers will be out of Boston in a few hours, a little worse for wear.

msgal67belle shows up dressed as the Mad Hatter. She pulls a card that reads "Alice". Thinking her fervent wish has come true, she giggles in glee as she returns home go get some sleep. She failed to notice that the back of the card said "Hyatt". She is woken up in Mel's Diner by a waitress telling her to "Kiss my grits!". She is oddly excited.

emelvee shows up as a dog catcher. Boston quickly mounts him.

Ray Nagin comes dressed as the mayor of New Orleans. He reaches into the SD magic pumpkin and pulls out a never-ending tube of Preparation H. Horrified, he screams. He realizes he will have to come up with a new catch phrase because his ass ain't going to be twitchin' no more.

Autumn shows up dressed up as a side of bacon carrying a bag of salt. I wonder what that is all about. She reaches into the magic pumpkin and pulls out a card that reads "You have been granted an admin-ship for the day November 1st, 2009". Autumn runs home and eagerly awaits the clock striking midnight.

Autumn basks in the glory of the secret mod lounge while trying to decide whom she should ban first. She finally decides whom to ban and cackles as she clicks to ban arjunsr. She screams "NOOOOOO!!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!" as her browser timed out. Autumn breaks the F5 key trying to refresh the screen but to no avail. Her treat was truly an evil trick. It was arranged for her internet service to be temporarily disconnected at 12:01am and restored at 11:59:59 pm. Autumn slowly goes mad, tries to walk on water as proof her awesomeness and drowns. If only she had removed the bacon costume that absorbed water and weighed her down, she might have swum to shore.

The vacuum created by the absence of the queen post whore soon destroys the lounge with the resulting attention whore wars. Little remains in the smoldering ruins of the lounge, just threads about Ram|bunc|tious' children making him proud, MissyMooMoo in ecstasy because she finally finds a lounge thread that isn't about Autumn and a bunch of noobs wanting free CarFax reports.

Sadly, the ultimate trick was on me. With the collapse of the lounge, I was forced to get a life. Being Lloyd's manservant quickly lost its luster because of the multiple wardrobe changes and the constant reassurances that he "is the fairest metro of them all".

Curse you Mr. SD and your 'free' swag. I wish he had told me the SD pumpkin was from the 'corrupt a wish' thread. Had I not been given the SD pumpkin, I might still be sane.

Relatively sane.

Aw, whom am I kidding? I haven't been sane since discovering the lounge. This should be proof enough of that.


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Story #6



Wiles ,I was walking home one Autumn night

I saw something spooky that gave me a fright

It was a Gulliotine run by General GhoulEEK!

and the was a schbusdrvr taking little ghostiesSheep to school

I turned to my right and then I wreckonized there

was a shhaggy pig with red glowing eyes!

There was a barbed wire finnz2dlft

and to front of me was a sharp Sandspike

so i thought to myself *you betta take a hike*

Then I saw the lordoffire

it was a Grizzely sight!

He said to his demons "wakethewicked ! Let's begin to smite!"

I cried out for a saint. to come and rescue me

and who should appear

but emelvee!


He helped me escapewoot

he is a handyguy

I gave him a hug hug

and unliketherest of the loungers

I am usually Shy Blush2


I know this rap is silly

I am a kind of crazypoet

But i really want a shirt

so I hope I dont blow it Blowup

Thats the end of my story Reading

thats all I have to say

and if I win a shirt

It will make my day!


the end Grin


****************************************



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Story #7


TR sat back in his chair and looked at those in front of him. "I'm glad you were able to come, tonight. I want to inform you of a 'coming storm' " Those around him groaned. "TR, we know all about these "storms", what's this one about? SD is gonna have a new greenish banner instead of blue?" VQ asked. TR growled "No, you fools. We have a mission, a mission of most importance that needs to be taken care of. Lloyd, put down the Abercrombie and Fitch magazine and listen, damn it!"



He looked at the group before him and sighed. Would he really be able to accomplish his mission with them? "I've waited long enough, years in fact, for Autumn to finish her damn demise story. I've been patient. I've gotten DNC's tags fixed. I've given her extra time when she got bitten by the spider. However now she's just pushing me to.damn.far. We're gonna take her down, boys, we are going to take her farking down. Tiger! Did you get her address as I requested?"


Tiger flipped open his notebook. "Oh sure, TR. I've had it for awhile. I've just been holding onto it for...ummm...well just in case...I...uhh..."


"Shut the Hell up Tiger and just give it to me." TR growled. "That's what she said!" piped up Briang. "Briang, where the Hell have you been?" Tiger asked, but as he turned around, Briang was gone again. Weird.


Being that TR didn't live all that far from Autumn they decided to drive. It took them longer than normal because TR felt the need to keep taking pictures and posting them. "This is the view from outside my car at 3:00. This is the view from outside my car at 6:00" "This is the view from the bathroom stall." You get the idea.


Finally they get to Autumn's house. Stimpy shivers in the background, most likely due to the fact that he left his pants off, much to the dismay of most of the other passengers. VQ sat in the back, silently munching on his own poo. "Hey guys, I'm on this diet where I can eat what I'm want until I'm full!!" "So you're saying you're full of shit?" DNC muttered. VQ stared at him for a second and then flung poo at him. "STOP IT!!" TR roared. "NOT.IN.MY.NEW.DAMN.CAR!!!" he stops and takes a breath (which he regrets due to the poop smell)..."Ok, we have arrived." "Yeah, TR, way to state the obvious." one of the guys shouted from the back. TR sighed and got out of the car.


The house was dark. Trees surrounded the home creating a deserted forest like setting. One by one they crept up the stairs leading up to her front door. Tiger looked around 'I'm not sure she's here, TR. Maybe she's out trick or treating with the kids or something." "It's far too late for that." TR growled "I came here for my damn demise story and I'm going to get it if I have to tie her down myself." "Oh kinky!" Lloyd giggled.


They got up to the front door and noticed it was unlocked. Strange. Slowly they opened up the door and peered inside.


"What.The.Fark" VQ said. They all looked around in disbelief. The walls were covered with pictures of Autumn. Most of them she had written "Future Mod" or "Jebus" under them. "Is that seriously a picture of Autumn dressed up like Jesus with a halo over her head holding a baby lamb?" Burn asked. "Oh! A lamb??" DNC said enthusiastically. "That reminds me. You know, it was because of me we have the sheep smiley on SD now!!" Stimpy kicked him in the balls to shut him up. It worked.


One by one (except for DNC who was still rolling around on the porch) they crept inside. Looking around they saw big pictures of Autumn, little pictures of Autumn, mirrors, more mirrors, Autumn for Mod campaign signs. In the corner they found "Autumn for President." "Autumn for World Leader" and "Autumn for God" bumper stickers. "Guys, come over here, you've gotta see this." Tiger whispered. "It looks like some sort of daily affirmation written on the mirror." he read it out loud "Autumn, you are smart and wonderful and beautiful and you will be mod. Autumn you are smart and wonderful and beautiful and everyone likes you. Autumn you are smart and wonderful and beautiful and you will take over the human race, one forum at a time." Good Lord!" TR scrubbed his hand across his face "I knew...I knew she was full of herself but I had no idea she was this far gone, this delusional, this...." "Farked up?" Tiger helpfully contributed. "Exactly."


"Am I really farked up or am I just so sane I blew your farking mind?" They looked up and they saw someone emerging from the shadows, fog all around her. "Omg, are you serious? She has a fog machine?" Seriously?" VQ sighed as he looked up and saw Autumn walking towards them. She was wearing an Elvis type sparkly cape with "I heart Me" written in the back with sequins and a gaudy tiara. In one hand she held a mirror and in the other she held a long rope that was attached to something they couldn't see. She turned on a light. Behind her, they could clearly see a lit up kitchen. AM working furiously to cook dinners to freeze. Iconian was busy frying something on the stove. Schooby was making raisin cookies. Jenni was making lasagna, PC was making chili and MeToday was whipping Rammy while he made everyone sandwiches.


"This is the strangest scene I've ever witnessed." murmured Jex "And I've seen a lot."


TR stood there looking at the odd story before his eyes. There seemed to be a strange shadow hovering above those in Autumn's kitchen. The people looked dazed and their movements were puppet like. The fog machine, which apparently Autumn had turned onto full blast, hid much of what was going on.


TR tore his eyes away and stared at Autumn. "I think you know why I have come." "He said Come!" giggled Lloyd.


"Yes," Autumn said "yes I do. The demise story, am I right?" "Of course!" TR almost exploded "Every night I lay there wondering...wondering what happens next. Who are ABCD and F? Why is there no E? Who is the mysterious person at the door? What are they going to do to Bob?" Do you know how this has TORTURED ME for the past few years?"


"Oh really, TR...has it? Has it been torture for you? I'm just so sorry to hear that. Truly, you have no idea." Autumn said, sarcasm dripping from her mouth. She slowly walked towards him, bumping into the wall a few times due to the fact she kept looking in the mirror. "Don't you see now, TR, what the point of this all has been? Why have I have done this?" He looked at her uneasily. "No, I see no other point to this other than you being a lazy ass procrastinator who can't finish a damn demise story."


Autumn slowly shook her head "Oh TR, I thought you knew by now. I thought you knew me better by now. It's about power. It's always been about power." "She said power!" giggled Lloyd. Stimpy glared at him "WTF does that even MEAN, Lloyd? Seriously." Burn looked around and murmured to TR "Can we hurry this up? It's past 8:00 and I've gotta get to bed."


TR and Autumn both sighed at this point. Maybe he would have been better coming out here and dealing with Autumn by himself. "I'm going to hate myself for this but how, how is this about power?" Autumn smiled. She had been waiting for this very question. "You see, TR, it's not just about the story. It's much bigger than that. Five years ago I decided I wanted more...I wanted to rule the world." 'Oh boy," TR sighed "And how, exactly does the story have anything to do with that?" "TR," Autumn shook her head "It's got everything to do with it. One by one, on SD, I've lulled people into thinking I'm a harmless internet spaz..." "Like Bloo!!" Lloyd piped up. "Sure..like Bloo. Except he's harmless I'm not.


SD is one of the biggest bargain sites out there. Many people come there daily and read it. A lot of money is made. If I wanted to get a message across, SD is a wonderful vehicle for that. However first, I needed to gain the trust of it's members. And those I couldn't gain the trust from, I had to make them want something from me. Something I would never give. However they kept wanting it. Kept begging for it. And you know what? That gave me power over them. I could promise them things in order to get them to do what I want. For you, it's the demise story. You want it, don't you. You want that story finished so badly you made the trip all the way out here just to get me to finish it. In fact, you even gathered several SDers to come out here with you, didn't you? You brought them to me and for that I thank you."


VQ noticed Jenni and AM who, while still cooking, were looking at him with terror in their eyes..as though they were trying to tell him something. However VQ spied a banana on the table and his thoughts drifted. Mmmmm bananas.


"What exactly does us being here have to do with...anything?" TR questioned. "I'm SO glad you asked!' Autumn answered with a smirk. "More and more people visit SD each day. More and more people join the Lounge. Here...here I am starting a sort of base. Here I am gathering and keeping prisoner various members of SD who can help me. Who can post things on my behalf. Who can post subliminal messages using a special program that Bryant designed for me." "WHY would he do anything like that for you? He won't even let you become a mod let alone design something like this." TR sputtered.


"Oh, well let me show you around bit more." Autumn smiled. She took them into another room. A darker room. In the shadows, they could see Bryant and Red Solar working furiously in the shadows. Again, their movements were rather puppet like. They barely looked up before something forced their heads back down. They looked but could see no one behind them. Why would they be working so hard for Autumn?


"Oh...my....God. Look up." Stimpy said in horror. Their eyes adjusting to the darkness, they slowly looked up. There were large shadows in the corners of the ceiling. From those shadows came long, cotton like white strings that were attached to their hands. "Are...are those?" VQ asked "Yes, monkey? Are those what?" she asked innocently "Are those...spider webs?" he almost whispered. "Why monkey! I'm so proud of you. Yes. Yes they are! Though I'm surprised you haven't noticed the rest of it. Stimpy cocked (ha ha, you said cocked, thought Lloyd) his head to the side and peered closer into the shadows. The large dark spots on the ceiling weren't shadows. They were spiders. Some as big as his torso. Some as small as his penis pinky...and millions of them. There were three of the huge spiders in the room. "Autumn...there are spiders here. I thought..." "Yes...I made you think that, didn't I? That I hate spiders. Loath them. Scared of them. You believed me, didn't you? "Autumn walked up to one of the large spiders and made a little clicking noise. It came scurrying down the wall and she nuzzled up to it. "They thought I was afraid of you, baby. How could I ever be afraid of you."


They just stood there in horror, hardly believing what they were seeing. Lloyd heard a noise from the other corner and turned towards it. Huddled over a desk, shivering and held in place by the monstrous spider webs was Serra. Lloyd could barely speak. "Serra....Serra what are you doing?" Serra, hands still typing, barely looked up. "I can't...." "Oh Serra...it's ok. I'll tell them." Autumn said, sweetly. "You see, I'm branching out. Serra is helping me reach the Disney people. She's going to their websites, their message boards, writing them letters, etc...telling them how much she loves them, all the while using the program Bryant and Red Solar are so kindly creating for me." "I'm not even sure that makes sense..." Stimpy started to say "Don't even start, man, she's too far gone to listen to reason." VQ whispered.


Autumn grinned and walked back to the kitchen. "Where is her husband?" TR muttered "MeToday said he's farking Summer." Tiger whispered back. "Do you think that's what sent her over the edge?" Oh who farking knows. She's been a time bomb waiting to erupt. It was bound to happen." VQ said. "Oh Booooooys," Autumn called in a singsong voice "I hope you're not talking about me back there. Now there's something you don't hear me say everyday, hahahahaha. Follow me...... I SAID FOLLOW ME!!!"


They went into the kitchen where several were sitting there still cooking up a storm. "Why are you needing so much food?" VQ asked "Simple, when my army minions arrive, I'll need to feed them to keep them strong, won't I?" Autumn answered . "Army of minions?" Tiger face palmed. It was really the only thing to do. As Autumn walked towards the living room TR said "Wow..she's just completely messed up." "I could have told you that." MeToday said wryly. Autumn turned around and bitch slapped her. "God, I've been wanting to do that for forever."


TR walked up to Autumn and tried to speak calmly to her. "Listen, I know you've got this whole plan, but do you really think that Mr. SD will let this go on? He'll find out and he'll just shut down the website. Worse, you'll never.be.mod." "Oh TR," Autumn laughed "Where are my manners? I haven't shown you the basement, have I?' With that, she started down the steps into the basement, holding on tightly to the rope she had in her hand. They descended into the darkness and heard millions of legs scurrying in the darkness. They saw some snakes hanging from the walls and coiled on the floor. At the end of the rope, was Mr. SD, with the rope wrapped tightly around him. "I've tried untying this rope but it's so farking strong." Mr. SD sighed "That's because it's made out of toe hair." Autumn said proudly "You assholes have been making fun of my toe hair for so long now but little did you know you are the ones who gave me the idea of growing my toe hair long and creating a powerful thread to make the worlds strongest rope. I think I have you to thank for that, VQ, am I correct?" VQ slowly backed away. He didn't really want any part of this. Plus the warm poo in the car was calling to him and he wanted to get the Hell out of there.


Autumn started back up the stairs. "Leave Mr. SD be. If he moves too much, he'll excite the spiders. We don't want that do we?" She walked back to the living room and they saw Arj sitting on the couch. He wasn't tied to anything. He wasn't doing anything either. "Arj! What are you doing? Are you helping her?" TR asked incredulously. "Nah," Arj answered and went back to eating his popcorn. "I thought he could help me," Autumn said "However once he got here I realized he was honestly as lazy as he appeared online. He hasn't budged from this couch since I got him here. He gets the flies out of the jars to feed the spiders for me. That's about all I can get him to do. Lazyass."


Suddenly there was a banging on the door. They all turned towards it and there was a crazy looking girl outside. Autumn moved them all back towards the kitchen while she answered. "No one say A WORD!" Autumn screeched. She opened the door and the girl started crying "Have you seen my mom? I think she was driving to Bumfark Michigan and she stopped to buy a hamster and I haven't seen her since." Autumn's eyes blazed "Seriously? You came here to ask me that. Seriously. Oh my God. Come with me to the basement, I've got your mom there." Crazy ass chick followed Autumn down to the basement and suddenly they heard the screeching of the biggest spiders and crazy ass chick screaming. Then there was silence. Autumn came upstairs with a smile on her face. "They were getting tired of eating flies."


However, while Autumn was dealing with psycho girl, Jenni whispered to them that the knives were kept in the left drawer. They hurried and started cutting the spider webs. Not completely so Autumn would notice but enough for them to pull away. They kept an eye on the spiders on the ceiling who looked hungry...if spiders could look hungry. They looked creepy as Hell anyway and they all wanted out of there. DNC sneaked into the back room and tried to cut some of the webs holding Bryant, Red Solar and Serra in place but Autumn came back up and he ran back into the kitchen. Hopefully they were loose enough they could pull away if the opportunity came up.


While DNC was in the back room, Tiger and VQ saw a few items in the kitchen that might come in handy. They weren't sure if they'd get a chance to use them but they made up a quick plan just in case. Autumn stopped and looked at them all, suspicious, but then shrugged and went back to kissing herself in her mirror. There was a unanimous eye roll among everyone in the room.


VQ slowly stepped forward. "Autumn...I...I know we've had our problems..." "Yeah," she shot back "You're a poo flinging banana stealing motherfarker." VQ took a deep breath. "Ok, I admit, I am that. However I'd like to make things right. Look, look what I have here for you." He reached under his jacket and pulled out the bananas he took from the kitchen. "I've brought them back for you, Autumn. See? They are your bananas I stole. I brought them back to you." She looked at him for a moment, unsure of what to think. However the need to gloat was too strong with Autumn, as it usually is. "I knew it! I KNEW you stole them! Everyone thought I had stolen them from you but they were wrong. WRONG!!" she danced around the room. "TR, quick, take my picture with me holding onto the bananas!" TR gave Tiger a sidelong look and Tiger nodded slightly.


TR took the camera and turned on the flash. As he took the picture, it blinded Autumn momentarily. While she was staggering around Tiger opened up the top of the bacon salt and threw salt in her eyes. She fell to the ground in pain and screaming. "You ASSHOLE! You're going to pay for this! There are spider eggs just waiting to hatch. You'll be their first dinner!" As she was rolling around on the floor Jenni, Iconian, Schooby and AM broke free from the webs that were still slightly attached to them. They grabbed the foods they had been cooking and threw it on top of Autumn.


Jex and Iconian opened the jars of flies, which of courses, gravitated to the food covering Autumn. The spiders, sensing a disturbance scurried out to where Autumn was still clawing at her eyes, covered in food and flies buzzing around her. They descended upon her, to feast upon the flies. Thousands and thousands of small spiders, big spiders, black spiders, brown spiders, poisonous spiders and more all covered her body completely until she was just a lump under the living blanket the spiders created.


They heard her screaming as they started to eat her flesh. "Noooo! Noooo! This wasn't supposed to happen to me! I'm Jebus! I'll resurrect you motherfarkers. I'll go on and become...." However she wasn't able to finish because the spiders filled her mouth, suffocating her and finally doing what nothing else had ever been able to. Shut her the Hell up. Soon they could tell she had stopped moving. The spiders, having had their fill of food scurried off in different directions, back into the corners they came from.


They all stood there, silent, unable to believe what they had just seen. Except for Arj, who was still on the couch eating popcorn. AM was the first to speak. "She...she was my friend. I had no idea what she was capable of, what was going on in her mind." "Oh I could have told you, " MeToday said "I've never liked the bitch." Jenni was silent as she looked at Autumn's still body. She had no idea what to think of this but she was definitely taking Autumn out of the title of her thread. PC stood back, unable to even make sense of her emotions. Autumn was her friend. This monster was not. Mr. SD crawled up from the basement, thinking how glad he was that he had never made Autumn a mod.


TR stood the quietest, a single tear falling down his cheek. "WTF, man." Tiger said 'How can you feel bad for her after all of this?"


"I don't," TR said quietly "I just realized I'm never going to get the end of that damned demise story."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Story #8


Call for Availability

I got the idea from a poll in the Lounge: "How Many Email Addresses Do You Have?"

The tricky part was tracking down the good ones. Being a bit older, they tended to be more secretive, and their information was less available online. The Facebook and Twitter generation shares more than they realize though, and that made them pretty easy to find.

Turns out there's quite a market for email addresses. Popular names can go for thousands of dollars. I'm not sure I understand the mindset but if someone's willing to pay that much who am I to ask questions? I'm just a businessman trying to make a living, same as anybody else.

They say the first one's always the hardest. I'm here to tell you that's just not true. Not only was my first time delicious, but [email protected] paid me very, very well. The new one paid me well, I mean. By the way, have you had lunch yet? I can pull something out of the freezer if you're hungry…

What I'm really grateful for is that the stuff you see on TV doesn't happen in real life. If there was a CSI squad that could come up with DNA test results inside of an hour, or run a fingerprint through a database between commercial breaks, well, let's just say I'd be sitting somewhere else while I told you this story—somewhere decidedly less pleasant!

Getting rid of bodies is always a pain. I found that out early. People freak out when neighborhood cats turn up in somebody's back yard, missing their eyeballs or guts or whatever. But if anybody gives a thought to the kids it's only to keep them from finding out details. If only I could've stayed a kid forever…

Wearing lloyd.'s face doesn't work for that purpose, by the way. Although the skin is mighty smooth—that kid wasn't joking about all the products he used. I've never seen a male's bathroom with so much crap from the drug store. I charged [email protected] an extra $150 because of the smell (although I did also pick up some nice apricot scrub for my face and an amazing pomegranate lotion that took care of this nasty rash… but I digress).

I felt a little bad about schbusdrvr, and I'm sure [email protected] would too, if anyone ever tells her. But the money was just too good to pass up. I do hope everyone enjoyed that batch of cookies. I still giggle when I hear the word "mincemeat."

Here's a bit of irony for you: the same 'site I used to harvest details and emails also brought me cheap airfares and most of my gear. My night-vision goggles, the duct tape I used to keep down the noise, even my lock pick set—all of them came from SlickDeals. You can find anything over there!

Did you know there's a restaurant in Portland called The Veritable Quandary? The owner was pretty sore at the donkey who grabbed that gmail address. And you should've seen all the spare computer parts laying around VQ's house. Oh, yeah, on top of the money I got out of the addresses, there was all the schwag—SlickDealers have a lot of expensive crap lying around! These days pawn shops don't ask too many questions.

Hm? How much? It really varies. It isn't always about the money. I firmly believe that if you love what you do, then it doesn't matter how much you're paid. I said as much to The Raddish and I think he agreed, although he was kind of hard to understand without his tongue. No, I don't always take the tongue. I needed his to seal up my deposit envelope!

That Secret Santa thing they started up a while back was beautiful. Never had such an easy time running people down. I wish I'd thought of it myself, and suggested it sooner. I kept the receipts for my gifts & got that money back on top of everything else. That's how I cashed in on [email protected] (though why anybody wants to use AOL is beyond me). By the way, the rumors are true—this is one of her toes, here. See the hair?

What's that? You want a list? Nah, I'll pass. Even if I could remember all of 'em I wouldn't tell. More fun this way. Some of them used the same password for everything and the ones that didn't, well, I had their email address, right? So you just reset the other stuff. Simple.

Besides, it's kind of fun having all these online personas…



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Story #9


'Twas the night of Halloween, and the Lounge was devoid;
not a PW was posting, not even a Lloyd.
The front page deals were selected by iconian with care
in hopes that a slick deal soon would be there.

Froggy and TigerStar were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of Rayzac danced in their heads!
Autumn in her spider costume, and Pig as a swine
had just partied down with a cheap box of wine.

When out from the Podium came such a clatter
I switched between forums to see what was the matter!
One of our loungers was debating tonight-
even on Halloween; can you imagine such a fright?

I called upon Brynn to come to his aid!
A lounge rescue team must promptly be made!
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a bus driven by Schooby, with eight tiny dears.

With a little old leader, so lively and complainin'
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nagin!
More rapid than tip threads his coursers they came
and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by username.

"Now, Billiam! now, Serra! now, Peachyum and Grizzley!
On, Fallacy! on Landers! on, BrainFreeze and Wuzzy!
To the podium! Let's go and start a Halloween brawl!
Now click away! click away! click away all!"

As health care reform, the economy, and human rights came our way
we tried convincing our friend he wasn't meant to stay.
But confronted with politics and ladies whose breasts were a saggin',
we looked to our leader and asked advice of St. Nagin.

His ass-- how it twitched! He asked if our PMs were busted!
The men looked confused, but the ladies: they lusted!
He threatened MLV with his powers as mayor,
And dragged him out of the podium by his (remaining) hair!

Back to the Lounge! To get drunk and celebrate!
Away from having to read about a crisis in Kuwait!
Alas we return to MLV's poor spoofs,
the party begins; we raise the roof!

Rammy and Arj have already passed out,
XL Jockey dressed as sperm posts with a pout.
BostonGirl as a cowgirl is smoking some marbs;
while most of us eat candy and drink beer, loaded with carbs!

Everyone dances, the bass starts to pump.
RG and Jex start to grind and bump.
Our fearless leader is nowhere to be seen!
Soon he is found behind a computer screen.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
and found all the reposts, n00bs called him a jerk.
As the mods gave out warning after warning
the party carried on until the early morning.

Everyone stayed through the night, except Ray;
apparently he has some important job during the day.
He gave a hearty laugh, which gave us all a fright!
While he loudly exclaimed as he dashed out of sight:
"Happy Halloween to all and to all Gerald Ford's a good-night."
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zmarko
10-23-2009 at 05:26 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:26 PM.
Cliff notes??? Huh
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Schooby | Staff
10-23-2009 at 05:31 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:31 PM.
These are the stories that loungers sent to me for the second contest.


If anyone finds a mistake that from me please PM me as soon as possible, thanks.
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metoday
10-23-2009 at 05:35 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:35 PM.
Quote from zmarko :
Cliff notes??? Huh
A few of them are worth the read. Seriously. laugh out loud I was hesitant at first, too, but a couple actually held my interest (and I have a short attention span).

(I didn't enter so don't think I'm saying that just to get you to read. Roll)
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zmarko
10-23-2009 at 05:40 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:40 PM.
Quote from metoday :
A few of them are worth the read. Seriously. laugh out loud I was hesitant at first, too, but a couple actually held my interest (and I have a short attention span).

(I didn't enter so don't think I'm saying that just to get you to read. Roll)
I read them. I was just saying that because everyone says that when it's a long post. laugh out loud


One totally blew me away. It was VERY well thought out, and flowed extremely well. Good job whomever did that one!
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serra | Staff
10-23-2009 at 05:41 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:41 PM.
omg, i'm sitting here cracking up and tearing from laughter! shit, i'm gonna get an asthma attack soon ....where's my inhaler??? Rofl2Rofl2
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serra | Staff
10-23-2009 at 05:43 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:43 PM.
okay, i just printed them out...i'm going somewhere and i'm gonna hafta read these in the car. laugh out loud
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RugratsGalore
10-23-2009 at 05:58 PM.
10-23-2009 at 05:58 PM.
lmao I have only read the first one so far and I'm LMAO
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Schooby | Staff
10-23-2009 at 06:01 PM.
10-23-2009 at 06:01 PM.
They are all very good, huh? laugh out loud
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TigerStar
10-23-2009 at 06:04 PM.
10-23-2009 at 06:04 PM.
Oh, a few of them are really really good!
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marg_fan
10-23-2009 at 06:13 PM.
10-23-2009 at 06:13 PM.
Definitely worth the wait. LMAO
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Schooby | Staff
10-23-2009 at 06:16 PM.
10-23-2009 at 06:16 PM.
I am so glad that I can't vote...there are a few that I'd want to pick.
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zmarko
10-23-2009 at 06:18 PM.
10-23-2009 at 06:18 PM.
How are we controlling the voting shenanigans in this? Like this could easily be a "popularity contest", and the person who has the most "friends" and asks them to vote for them will win, not necessarily the best story. Will mods search PM's/threads for the people who have written these stories to see if people are soliciting votes? Or is soliciting allowed?
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Schooby | Staff
10-23-2009 at 06:21 PM.
10-23-2009 at 06:21 PM.
Quote from zmarko :
How are we controlling the voting shenanigans in this? Like this could easily be a "popularity contest", and the person who has the most "friends" and asks them to vote for them will win, not necessarily the best story. Will mods search PM's/threads for the people who have written these stories to see if people are soliciting votes? Or is soliciting allowed?
I don't foresee the mods or MrSD policing people's PMs. I don't think they do that for any other contests here. Dontknow I hope people win on merit.
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