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[NSFW] Paint's thread of lulz and whimsy (They can take our jiggles, but they can never take our freedom!)
March 17, 2011 at
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Rule #1: Lulzy and whimsical topics only.
Rule #2: There is no rule #2.
Rule #3: These rules may change at any given moment in time.
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Rule #2: There is no rule #2.
Rule #3: These rules may change at any given moment in time.
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Both lulz AND whimsy! (NSFW, of course)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXmv8qu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXmv8qu
Farking idiot submitted that video.
In response, I present a classic joke:
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.
Her mother reassured her;
'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'
So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'
'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests..Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you..'
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'
Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'
3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enjoying the aerial view of the city when one of the guys finishes an apple, and throws the core off of the plane. The second guy follows his example, finishes his banana, and throws the peel off the plane. The third guy, isn't eating anything, but unbeknownst to the pilot and other passengers, is carrying a bomb to blow up the plane. He starts the countdown sequence, but it slips out of his hands and also starts to fall down.
Meanwhile, in the city below, a doctor is performing a surgery, when a little girl comes running in.
"Doctor, doctor, I tripped on an apple core while playing soccer, and I broke my shin!"
The doctor replies, "Oh my, that looks terrible, I'll help you right after this surgery."
The doctor continues his surgery, but another boy comes running in.
"Doctor, doctor, I slipped on a banana peel while playing basketball and I shattered my wrist!"
The doctor replies, "Thats horrible, I'll see to you right after this surgery and this little girl."
Finally, as the doctor is about to complete his surgery, a chubby kid walks into the room, scared and out of breath.
The doctor states, "Did you break somethin to?"
The kid shakes his head.
The doctor ask, "Well, then what happened?"
"I farted, and the building next to me blew up."
3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enjoying the aerial view of the city when one of the guys finishes an apple, and throws the core off of the plane. The second guy follows his example, finishes his banana, and throws the peel off the plane. The third guy, isn't eating anything, but unbeknownst to the pilot and other passengers, is carrying a bomb to blow up the plane. He starts the countdown sequence, but it slips out of his hands and also starts to fall down.
Meanwhile, in the city below, a doctor is performing a surgery, when a little girl comes running in.
"Doctor, doctor, I tripped on an apple core while playing soccer, and I broke my shin!"
The doctor replies, "Oh my, that looks terrible, I'll help you right after this surgery."
The doctor continues his surgery, but another boy comes running in.
"Doctor, doctor, I slipped on a banana peel while playing basketball and I shattered my wrist!"
The doctor replies, "Thats horrible, I'll see to you right after this surgery and this little girl."
Finally, as the doctor is about to complete his surgery, a chubby kid walks into the room, scared and out of breath.
The doctor states, "Did you break somethin to?"
The kid shakes his head.
The doctor ask, "Well, then what happened?"
"I farted, and the building next to me blew up."
And what kind of uneducated Dr. doesnt know the right form of "to, too, and two"?
Sorry....
Here is my penance...
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Two nun's are riding a bicycle through a small village, one says to the other, "I haven't come this way before." The other nun turns to her and says, "It must be the cobblestones."
Neuroscientists have discovered a commonly-consumed food which nearly eliminates the female sex drive. Wedding cake.
This Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom. He said it was the best trade he's ever made.
My wife has been missing for a week. I was told to prepare for the worst so I went back to the charity shop and bought all her clothes back.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex". But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Someone here is getting married on Saturday, a couple folks were going to go to her office and say hello or something. I told them to pass on my message of "It's not too late!"
I'm pretty sure this is already her second marriage though.
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