Joined Oct 2007
L6: Expert
Forum Thread
No family for the holidays et al.
November 30, 2019 at
09:47 PM
in
Help
I have never had a family, ever. I have never met anyone like me, who has made it as far as I have. I have no peers, as people in my situation (described very briefly and tamely below), either wind up dead or in prison. I am a survivor.
I was taken from my biological, immigrant mother, by the State, due to child abuse, when I was 3yo. I grew up in group-/children's homes until I was 18yo when I aged out of the child welfare system.
I have no idea where any family is in Europe, who would be total strangers anyway. Found my mother and found out at the same time, from the internet, my mom died several years back.
I have never been able to make my own family due to: Severe depression (due to lack of family), lack of finances, low self-esteem, and growing up in Oklahoma as a person who is not heterosexual.
I have had no place to go for the holidays, ever.
I yearn for my own home, so I can start my own family, as well as adopt a kitty cat and a dog.
I know the home I want, it costs $199K, it is a 589sq. foot condo/apt, but it is a "castle" to me. It as been on the market over 3 months. It is remodeled and so cute. I looked at the place already with a real estate agent.
My last apt, I rented for over 16yrs (never late on rent), but my landlord sexually assaulted me, and when I complained about it I was illegally evicted. I miss that apt so much as it was a four-plex, and I had a yard a drive-way and it felt somewhat like a house. I had even used my own money to fix it up, 'cause I knew I would be a long-term tenant. I miss my old neighborhood, the neighbors and the neighborhood pets.
I have excellent (752 FICO SCORE) credit but am very, very low income, and I have a disability, but I still pay on my debt, which means to keep excellent credit, and pay that debt, I stay home (among other things) and do nothing as I have no money to go out, such as on a nice, respectable dinner date with a possible lifelong mate. I have been eating rice and beans for months, all three meals.
BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with) in the hopes that somehow, someone can help me, meet me in the middle (so to speak), in order to get that home stated above.
I have a plan. I am obtaining a license at a community college. And, I want to work to work out of my eventual home I hope I can get, but I need help. I think of getting a permanent, stable home every single day, I have dreams about it a couple times a week, as well as nightmares about the home I lost every week. If I had a home, everything else would fall into place, including but not limited to, it would alleviate a lot of my depression and motivate me greatly and I would have something to look forward to, among other things.
My heart is broken. I just wanted to vent on here. Thank you for listening.
I was taken from my biological, immigrant mother, by the State, due to child abuse, when I was 3yo. I grew up in group-/children's homes until I was 18yo when I aged out of the child welfare system.
I have no idea where any family is in Europe, who would be total strangers anyway. Found my mother and found out at the same time, from the internet, my mom died several years back.
I have never been able to make my own family due to: Severe depression (due to lack of family), lack of finances, low self-esteem, and growing up in Oklahoma as a person who is not heterosexual.
I have had no place to go for the holidays, ever.
I yearn for my own home, so I can start my own family, as well as adopt a kitty cat and a dog.
I know the home I want, it costs $199K, it is a 589sq. foot condo/apt, but it is a "castle" to me. It as been on the market over 3 months. It is remodeled and so cute. I looked at the place already with a real estate agent.
My last apt, I rented for over 16yrs (never late on rent), but my landlord sexually assaulted me, and when I complained about it I was illegally evicted. I miss that apt so much as it was a four-plex, and I had a yard a drive-way and it felt somewhat like a house. I had even used my own money to fix it up, 'cause I knew I would be a long-term tenant. I miss my old neighborhood, the neighbors and the neighborhood pets.
I have excellent (752 FICO SCORE) credit but am very, very low income, and I have a disability, but I still pay on my debt, which means to keep excellent credit, and pay that debt, I stay home (among other things) and do nothing as I have no money to go out, such as on a nice, respectable dinner date with a possible lifelong mate. I have been eating rice and beans for months, all three meals.
BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with) in the hopes that somehow, someone can help me, meet me in the middle (so to speak), in order to get that home stated above.
I have a plan. I am obtaining a license at a community college. And, I want to work to work out of my eventual home I hope I can get, but I need help. I think of getting a permanent, stable home every single day, I have dreams about it a couple times a week, as well as nightmares about the home I lost every week. If I had a home, everything else would fall into place, including but not limited to, it would alleviate a lot of my depression and motivate me greatly and I would have something to look forward to, among other things.
My heart is broken. I just wanted to vent on here. Thank you for listening.
32 Comments
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1) You have a FICO of 752 but then claim your debt-to-income ratio, which comprises a FICO score, is so bad you don't qualify for a loan.
2) Your credit is bad because you're staying in motels after being sexually assaulted by your former landlord, but you can't wait to start dating, mention the word lovers, and want advice. ; )
3) You have no money to go out or date but there's someone at the gym you're interested in.
4) You're an adult playing basketball with teens because you feel like a teen. This is done in a non-educational/unsupervised capacity.
I call BS. As I literally have maybe a week left to live, you should be ashamed. Don't get light therapy, get psychiatric help BS or not.
I CALL B.S. on L2 after posts from him which create multiple red flags:
--I qualify for some types of loans, but not a mortgage loan from FHA due to debt to income ratio, and, yes, my fico score is 752 because I always make my payment, at least minimum, and I am never late. If I did not have the debt/income ratio I have, my FICO score would be closer to 850 (the maximum).
---I have no money to go on dates, and I am interested in someone, so what? If I meet them we can go to the park or for a walk or do something else for free. Or, they may pay for the date, I have no idea.
--I play basketball with college students, at the college gym among other adults, young adults (some are 18 and 19yo, is that okay with you L2 ?!; Gawd. ), and older adults. Thus, your statement is defamatory, and you simply state the negative, by expressing or implying, in order to try and make yourself look good attempting to try and "protect" "teenagers"---it's all false on your part. How dare you. You need to apologize to me and to everyone here on SD. Gawd. You need psychiatric help, as you are PROJECTING onto others/me what is true about you.
Oh and putting your comment in RED does not make you more correct. Sounding a red "alarm" on someone/me who is simply discussing happenstance, is weird as fark; YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP L2.
You simply state cruel oversimplifications in your post above. You make "negative" connections, where there is simply no negativity. I am not going to explain every little thing, just to appease you. You also, and this is key, mistate, misquote, and add your own language/words (including using EXAGGERATION) to your reply to make it and me sound "sinister" in order to justify your debbie downer reply.
Your reply is simply jaded, untrue, and cruel. Like I said, I am a survivor of things people usually don't survive, and sometimes people don't believe me. Oh well.
Sorry to disappoint you but there is nothing nepharious or sinister goin on, except yours, and there is no b.s. going on except yours. Go out and help others less fortunate than you for the holidays, instead of trying so hard to find a reason to threadcrap.
As to asking someone out, I think you will do fine! You already have something in common with the person: you both belong to the same gym! Maybe start with some small talk, keep it light and friendly, and see how they respond. You will be able to figure how quickly if they seem interested.
I would not ask them out right away; get to know them a bit, say hello each time you see them. After 3 or 4 times of greetings and casual conversation say something like, "I have enjoyed getting to know you. Would you like to go grab a snack after our workout?"
You got this
I agree with you. Thanks for the constructive reply. ;0
Maybe a nice apartment. Good Luck to you!
--I qualify for some types of loans, but not a mortgage loan from FHA due to debt to income ratio, and, yes, my fico score is 752 because I always make my payment, at least minimum, and I am never late. If I did not have the debt/income ratio I have, my FICO score would be closer to 850 (the maximum).
---I have no money to go on dates, and I am interested in someone, so what? If I meet them we can go to the park or for a walk or do something else for free. Or, they may pay for the date, I have no idea.
--I play basketball with college students, at the college gym among other adults, young adults (some are 18 and 19yo, is that okay with you L2 ?!; Gawd. ), and older adults. Thus, your statement is defamatory, and you simply state the negative, by expressing or implying, in order to try and make yourself look good attempting to try and "protect" "teenagers"---it's all false on your part. How dare you. You need to apologize to me and to everyone here on SD. Gawd. You need psychiatric help, as you are PROJECTING onto others/me what is true about you.
Oh and putting your comment in RED does not make you more correct. Sounding a red "alarm" on someone/me who is simply discussing happenstance, is weird as fark; YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP L2.
You simply state cruel oversimplifications in your post above. You make "negative" connections, where there is simply no negativity. I am not going to explain every little thing, just to appease you. You also, and this is key, mistate, misquote, and add your own language/words (including using EXAGGERATION) to your reply to make it and me sound "sinister" in order to justify your debbie downer reply.
Your reply is simply jaded, untrue, and cruel. Like I said, I am a survivor of things people usually don't survive, and sometimes people don't believe me. Oh well.
Sorry to disappoint you but there is nothing nepharious or sinister goin on, except yours, and there is no b.s. going on except yours. Go out and help others less fortunate than you for the holidays, instead of trying so hard to find a reason to threadcrap.
There are several programs. On the right of the screen select your state from the drop down menu and choose an office to talk to someone.
LC2:
I do not know why I asked that question, 'cause it's not like I can't look up that info on the internet, which I did last night. But, thanks for the detailed post, as you provided info I did not see in my research so far.
I meet the requirements in regards to FICO score, but my debt to income ratio makes me not qualify 'cause of the credit card debt created by my unlawful eviction. Ugggh.
Oh, BTW, I found this out through someone, the Chenoa Fund (chenoafund.org) works with FHA borrowers, and helps pay the 3.5% downpayment that is required. Of course, paying more of a downpayment, if one is able, is best, as it reduces your monthly payment and if you can put at least 20% down, you avoid PMI (mortgage insurance), and you pay your home off quicker.
Yeah, I have never had a family to teach me things, including but not limited to how to buy a home, how to ask someone out on a date, how to drive, how to play team sports, and how to cook. I finally learned to drive and I do have a car (much later than the age one normally learns to drive and obtain a car. ; ) . I know crazy. People in my situation do NOT make it like I posted above. I am a teenager trapped in adult body (hence, also, me playing basketball with college students, but that's because I am good, smile). I have a very strict diet and I do not smoke, drink or do drugs-- never have--- people don't believe me. It's funny... I have had a VERY unique life, and I have kept it very brief and tame on here.
Yes, I like the benefits of playing team sports, as it relieves lonliness big time, among other benefits. As is the pattern, I taught myself to play basketball, later in life. It was so scary, now basketball is my best friend--- I know now what I have been missing big time.
I recently started going to the tanning salon, NOT to tan, but for light therapy. I am also doing the red light therapy at the tanning salon, and they both have helped some with my depression (got a deal on black friday for three months). Of course, no therapy replaces the benefit of companionship (friends or lovers). Companionship would really help me a ton. There is someone I like at the gym, I am nervous to approach them (possible friend or otherwise-- does not matter to me). Wish me luck! ; ) (would appreciate any tips on how to ask someone out?) ; ).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqBZVlg
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqBZVlg
Some issues highlighted in recent article [insider.com]
Some issues highlighted in recent article [insider.com]
Can I interest you in this van?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_nEhOT
That's crazy cool. All he's missing is a small camping toilet with lid. Talk about innovative though!
My place is about 300 sq ft. The absence of a full size fridge with freezer sucks. Aging in place is tough. I've spent 20+ years in my little rectangle and wouldn't mind replicating it but anything over 600 sq ft seems excessive.
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