Joined Oct 2007
L6: Expert
Forum Thread
No family for the holidays et al.
November 30, 2019 at
09:47 PM
I have never had a family, ever. I have never met anyone like me, who has made it as far as I have. I have no peers, as people in my situation (described very briefly and tamely below), either wind up dead or in prison. I am a survivor.
I was taken from my biological, immigrant mother, by the State, due to child abuse, when I was 3yo. I grew up in group-/children's homes until I was 18yo when I aged out of the child welfare system.
I have no idea where any family is in Europe, who would be total strangers anyway. Found my mother and found out at the same time, from the internet, my mom died several years back.
I have never been able to make my own family due to: Severe depression (due to lack of family), lack of finances, low self-esteem, and growing up in Oklahoma as a person who is not heterosexual.
I have had no place to go for the holidays, ever.
I yearn for my own home, so I can start my own family, as well as adopt a kitty cat and a dog.
I know the home I want, it costs $199K, it is a 589sq. foot condo/apt, but it is a "castle" to me. It as been on the market over 3 months. It is remodeled and so cute. I looked at the place already with a real estate agent.
My last apt, I rented for over 16yrs (never late on rent), but my landlord sexually assaulted me, and when I complained about it I was illegally evicted. I miss that apt so much as it was a four-plex, and I had a yard a drive-way and it felt somewhat like a house. I had even used my own money to fix it up, 'cause I knew I would be a long-term tenant. I miss my old neighborhood, the neighbors and the neighborhood pets.
I have excellent (752 FICO SCORE) credit but am very, very low income, and I have a disability, but I still pay on my debt, which means to keep excellent credit, and pay that debt, I stay home (among other things) and do nothing as I have no money to go out, such as on a nice, respectable dinner date with a possible lifelong mate. I have been eating rice and beans for months, all three meals.
BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with) in the hopes that somehow, someone can help me, meet me in the middle (so to speak), in order to get that home stated above.
I have a plan. I am obtaining a license at a community college. And, I want to work to work out of my eventual home I hope I can get, but I need help. I think of getting a permanent, stable home every single day, I have dreams about it a couple times a week, as well as nightmares about the home I lost every week. If I had a home, everything else would fall into place, including but not limited to, it would alleviate a lot of my depression and motivate me greatly and I would have something to look forward to, among other things.
My heart is broken. I just wanted to vent on here. Thank you for listening.
I was taken from my biological, immigrant mother, by the State, due to child abuse, when I was 3yo. I grew up in group-/children's homes until I was 18yo when I aged out of the child welfare system.
I have no idea where any family is in Europe, who would be total strangers anyway. Found my mother and found out at the same time, from the internet, my mom died several years back.
I have never been able to make my own family due to: Severe depression (due to lack of family), lack of finances, low self-esteem, and growing up in Oklahoma as a person who is not heterosexual.
I have had no place to go for the holidays, ever.
I yearn for my own home, so I can start my own family, as well as adopt a kitty cat and a dog.
I know the home I want, it costs $199K, it is a 589sq. foot condo/apt, but it is a "castle" to me. It as been on the market over 3 months. It is remodeled and so cute. I looked at the place already with a real estate agent.
My last apt, I rented for over 16yrs (never late on rent), but my landlord sexually assaulted me, and when I complained about it I was illegally evicted. I miss that apt so much as it was a four-plex, and I had a yard a drive-way and it felt somewhat like a house. I had even used my own money to fix it up, 'cause I knew I would be a long-term tenant. I miss my old neighborhood, the neighbors and the neighborhood pets.
I have excellent (752 FICO SCORE) credit but am very, very low income, and I have a disability, but I still pay on my debt, which means to keep excellent credit, and pay that debt, I stay home (among other things) and do nothing as I have no money to go out, such as on a nice, respectable dinner date with a possible lifelong mate. I have been eating rice and beans for months, all three meals.
BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with) in the hopes that somehow, someone can help me, meet me in the middle (so to speak), in order to get that home stated above.
I have a plan. I am obtaining a license at a community college. And, I want to work to work out of my eventual home I hope I can get, but I need help. I think of getting a permanent, stable home every single day, I have dreams about it a couple times a week, as well as nightmares about the home I lost every week. If I had a home, everything else would fall into place, including but not limited to, it would alleviate a lot of my depression and motivate me greatly and I would have something to look forward to, among other things.
My heart is broken. I just wanted to vent on here. Thank you for listening.
About the OP
32 Comments
Your comment cannot be blank.
Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.
Venting is good. Vent all that you need! It can help you to sort through things to unburden yourself.
Venting is good. Vent all that you need! It can help you to sort through things to unburden yourself.
I was taken from my biological, immigrant mother, by the State, due to child abuse, when I was 3yo. I grew up in group-/children's homes until I was 18yo when I aged out of the child welfare system.
I have no idea where any family is in Europe, who would be total strangers anyway. Found my mother and found out at the same time, from the internet, my mom died several years back.
I have never been able to make my own family due to: Severe depression (due to lack of family), lack of finances, low self-esteem, and growing up in Oklahoma as a person who is not heterosexual.
I have had no place to go for the holidays, ever.
I yearn for my own home, so I can start my own family, as well as adopt a kitty cat and a dog.
I know the home I want, it costs $199K, it is a 589sq. foot condo/apt, but it is a "castle" to me. It as been on the market over 3 months. It is remodeled and so cute. I looked at the place already with a real estate agent.
My last apt, I rented for over 16yrs (never late on rent), but my landlord sexually assaulted me, and when I complained about it I was illegally evicted. I miss that apt so much as it was a four-plex, and I had a yard a drive-way and it felt somewhat like a house. I had even used my own money to fix it up, 'cause I knew I would be a long-term tenant. I miss my old neighborhood, the neighbors and the neighborhood pets.
I have excellent (752 FICO SCORE) credit but am very, very low income, and I have a disability, but I still pay on my debt, which means to keep excellent credit, and pay that debt, I stay home (among other things) and do nothing as I have no money to go out, such as on a nice, respectable dinner date with a possible lifelong mate. I have been eating rice and beans for months, all three meals.
BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with) in the hopes that somehow, someone can help me, meet me in the middle (so to speak), in order to get that home stated above.
I have a plan. I am obtaining a license at a community college. And, I want to work to work out of my eventual home I hope I can get, but I need help. I think of getting a permanent, stable home every single day, I have dreams about it a couple times a week, as well as nightmares about the home I lost every week. If I had a home, everything else would fall into place, including but not limited to, it would alleviate a lot of my depression and motivate me greatly and I would have something to look forward to, among other things.
My heart is broken. I just wanted to vent on here. Thank you for listening.
2) Try a cuddle group. Finzz isn't here to hold me, so... You don't have to touch anyone: http://www.cuddleparty
3) There are also outings for singles of all ages. Many are just social and not romantic. Google your area. See if anyone wants to meet for coffee.
2) Try a cuddle group. Finzz isn't here to hold me, so... You don't have to touch anyone: http://www.cuddleparty
3) There are also outings for singles of all ages. Many are just social and not romantic. Google your area. See if anyone wants to meet for coffee.
I had to look up cuddle party. At first I laughed, and then I was like, "Wait, this might be cool!"
I had to look up cuddle party. At first I laughed, and then I was like, "Wait, this might be cool!"
OP, Do you have any pets?
Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.
I play basketball, competitive, in a league.
I will get pets when I move to a home that I OWN. ; )
2) Try a cuddle group. Finzz isn't here to hold me, so... You don't have to touch anyone: http://www.cuddleparty
3) There are also outings for singles of all ages. Many are just social and not romantic. Google your area. See if anyone wants to meet for coffee.
Can you tell me more about the FHA loan??
I play basketball, competitive, in a league.
I will get pets when I move to a home that I OWN. ; )
Can you tell me more about the FHA loan??
There are several programs. On the right of the screen select your state from the drop down menu and choose an office to talk to someone.
The Positive:
There are separate programs offering down-payment assistance, there are property tax reductions or deferrals, and utility discount programs. You'll still need to set money aside for homeowners insurance, repairs, lawn care, etc... Your local office can refer you to a new home owner course.
The Negative:
The goal is to create growth in rural communities. So, that means you may be in the middle of nowhere. You may find yourself in an undesirable neighborhood. The application itself is overwhelming. Keep at it. If you want or need to sell then you'll pay capital gains taxes unless you wait 5 years. After 5 years, you get an IRS exemption of up to 250k on the sale of the property.
Options:
You can buy an existing home but remember that the loan will likely not be more than 100k. You can buy a house at auction and fix it up. They can be cheap, but most are sold sight unseen. It could be a nightmare inside. Mobile homes are the best option but depreciate rapidly in value. You can have a stick home built on a lot or have a prefab home placed there.
Good luck!
There are several programs. On the right of the screen select your state from the drop down menu and choose an office to talk to someone.
LC2:
I do not know why I asked that question, 'cause it's not like I can't look up that info on the internet, which I did last night. But, thanks for the detailed post, as you provided info I did not see in my research so far.
I meet the requirements in regards to FICO score, but my debt to income ratio makes me not qualify 'cause of the credit card debt created by my unlawful eviction. Ugggh.
Oh, BTW, I found this out through someone, the Chenoa Fund (chenoafund.org) works with FHA borrowers, and helps pay the 3.5% downpayment that is required. Of course, paying more of a downpayment, if one is able, is best, as it reduces your monthly payment and if you can put at least 20% down, you avoid PMI (mortgage insurance), and you pay your home off quicker.
Yeah, I have never had a family to teach me things, including but not limited to how to buy a home, how to ask someone out on a date, how to drive, how to play team sports, and how to cook. I finally learned to drive and I do have a car (much later than the age one normally learns to drive and obtain a car. ; ) . I know crazy. People in my situation do NOT make it like I posted above. I am a teenager trapped in adult body (hence, also, me playing basketball with college students, but that's because I am good, smile). I have a very strict diet and I do not smoke, drink or do drugs-- never have--- people don't believe me. It's funny... I have had a VERY unique life, and I have kept it very brief and tame on here.
Yes, I like the benefits of playing team sports, as it relieves lonliness big time, among other benefits. As is the pattern, I taught myself to play basketball, later in life. It was so scary, now basketball is my best friend--- I know now what I have been missing big time.
I recently started going to the tanning salon, NOT to tan, but for light therapy. I am also doing the red light therapy at the tanning salon, and they both have helped some with my depression (got a deal on black friday for three months). Of course, no therapy replaces the benefit of companionship (friends or lovers). Companionship would really help me a ton. There is someone I like at the gym, I am nervous to approach them (possible friend or otherwise-- does not matter to me). Wish me luck! ; ) (would appreciate any tips on how to ask someone out?) ; ).
Light therapy is very beneficial, especially in the colder months! I have a SunTouch lamp that I keep on my desk. I use it for 15-20 minutes daily in the winter to simulate sunlight. It is not a miracle, but they do help!
As to asking someone out, I think you will do fine! You already have something in common with the person: you both belong to the same gym! Maybe start with some small talk, keep it light and friendly, and see how they respond. You will be able to figure how quickly if they seem interested.
I would not ask them out right away; get to know them a bit, say hello each time you see them. After 3 or 4 times of greetings and casual conversation say something like, "I have enjoyed getting to know you. Would you like to go grab a snack after our workout?"
You got this
BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with)...
I am a teenager trapped in adult body (hence, also, me playing basketball with people in their 20's or even teens, but that's because I am good, smile). I have a very strict diet... I taught myself to play basketball, later in life. ... Of course, no therapy replaces the benefit of companionship (friends or lovers). Companionship would really help me a ton. There is someone I like at the gym, I am nervous to approach them (possible friend or otherwise-- does not matter to me). Wish me luck! ; ) (would appreciate any tips on how to ask someone out?) ; ).
1) You have a FICO of 752 but then claim your debt-to-income ratio, which comprises a FICO score, is so bad you don't qualify for a loan.
2) Your credit is bad because you're staying in motels after being sexually assaulted by your former landlord, but you can't wait to start dating, mention the word lovers, and want advice. ; )
3) You have no money to go out or date but there's someone at the gym you're interested in.
4) You're an adult playing basketball with teens because you feel like a teen. This is done in a non-educational/unsupervised capacity.
I call BS. As I literally have maybe a week left to live, you should be ashamed. Don't get light therapy, get psychiatric help BS or not.