Joined Jul 2005
Scarydevil Monastery
Forum Thread
RETIRED: XL_Jockey finally got some
May 26, 2009 at
09:41 AM
July 12, 2010, 3:09 pm: System Notice: This thread content has been automatically archived from another thread which reached post limit, and will be preserved for reference and archival purposes. The discussion should continue in the original thread
In order to prepare the yard for the new playset to arrive sometime in the near future I found out that I was expected to clean up all the branches, including the gigantic pile behind the shed.
Since my wife was outside and I was wearing a tanktop, all hot and sweaty, I realized that I needed to take advantage of the situation and prepare my chances for the evening. Instead of using the branch cutters I started breaking these branches with my bear hands. I'm extremely muscular and hairy. I also used my bare hands and broke several dried twigs.
Then I started leaning a few against a tree and dropkicking them, like the badass I am. I even made sounds like they do in the movies, like "herush", and "fwoop", but I avoided "fwap fwap fwap fwap", at least for now, depending on how the night goes.
I had one particularly large branch, at least the size of a rolling pin. I tried a couple times to break it, but it resisted me as if it was married to me and I was trying to get it in bed for 16 months. So I channeled all my frustration and performed a flying spinning roundhouse dropkick, the same one that Dora the Explorer performed on the soccer ball to get the winning goal in the episode when her team was playing against the dinosaurs.
Well this branch decided to exact it's revenge. As I struck it with brutal force, it snapped in 3. Unfortunately for me the third piece richocheted off the tree and struck me in and about the facial area. I guess you can say it gave me a woody facial. I immediately saw myself from the third person, in slo-mo bullet-time like in the Matrix. I attempted to dodge but the branch hit me squarely in the jaw... actually more semi-circularly. The force was such that it cause me to chip a tooth.
I saw my wife jump up and run inside and I realized that my extreme display of manhood must have pushed her over the edge. She was probably upstairs grabbing some lube already.
No, she needed to find her cellphone to call her sister before she stopped laughing.
I'll get my revenge you branch bastards!
In order to prepare the yard for the new playset to arrive sometime in the near future I found out that I was expected to clean up all the branches, including the gigantic pile behind the shed.
Since my wife was outside and I was wearing a tanktop, all hot and sweaty, I realized that I needed to take advantage of the situation and prepare my chances for the evening. Instead of using the branch cutters I started breaking these branches with my bear hands. I'm extremely muscular and hairy. I also used my bare hands and broke several dried twigs.
Then I started leaning a few against a tree and dropkicking them, like the badass I am. I even made sounds like they do in the movies, like "herush", and "fwoop", but I avoided "fwap fwap fwap fwap", at least for now, depending on how the night goes.
I had one particularly large branch, at least the size of a rolling pin. I tried a couple times to break it, but it resisted me as if it was married to me and I was trying to get it in bed for 16 months. So I channeled all my frustration and performed a flying spinning roundhouse dropkick, the same one that Dora the Explorer performed on the soccer ball to get the winning goal in the episode when her team was playing against the dinosaurs.
Well this branch decided to exact it's revenge. As I struck it with brutal force, it snapped in 3. Unfortunately for me the third piece richocheted off the tree and struck me in and about the facial area. I guess you can say it gave me a woody facial. I immediately saw myself from the third person, in slo-mo bullet-time like in the Matrix. I attempted to dodge but the branch hit me squarely in the jaw... actually more semi-circularly. The force was such that it cause me to chip a tooth.
I saw my wife jump up and run inside and I realized that my extreme display of manhood must have pushed her over the edge. She was probably upstairs grabbing some lube already.
No, she needed to find her cellphone to call her sister before she stopped laughing.
I'll get my revenge you branch bastards!
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jk
jk
And we're not trying for another kid. We actually talked about birth control the other night and she said "You could always get snipped you know." I told her that I'm not about to go cutting it until I have a good reason.
They were that bad.
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She said she wants to have sex, she really really wants it, she just doesn't have the desire or drive to get it. It's too confusing for me.
Time to find a good price on a new Sawzall. Apparently I'm putting in an access to the "attic space" we have to use that for storage. She said if I did that, I get half of the basement to do whatever I want.
She said she wants to have sex, she really really wants it, she just doesn't have the desire or drive to get it. It's too confusing for me.
The only problem I think I might run into is trying to install a dumb waiter to go to the other floors. I don't need one, but ever since I saw it on Webster I realized that I had to have one before I died. Even though I hated that show.
I am glad someone else fixates on weird little details.
But if you are married, and stop having sex you get your house remodeled, projects done, and a dumb waiter added to your basement plans.
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But if you are married, and stop having sex you get your house remodeled, projects done, and a dumb waiter added to your basement plans.[/QUOTE]
Wow! I'm going to hold out.............................................No I'm not.