No family for the holidays et al.

I have never had a family, ever. I have never met anyone like me, who has made it as far as I have. I have no peers, as people in my situation (described very briefly and tamely below), either wind up dead or in prison. I am a survivor.

I was taken from my biological, immigrant mother, by the State, due to child abuse, when I was 3yo. I grew up in group-/children's homes until I was 18yo when I aged out of the child welfare system.

I have no idea where any family is in Europe, who would be total strangers anyway. Found my mother and found out at the same time, from the internet, my mom died several years back.

I have never been able to make my own family due to: Severe depression (due to lack of family), lack of finances, low self-esteem, and growing up in Oklahoma as a person who is not heterosexual.

I have had no place to go for the holidays, ever.

I yearn for my own home, so I can start my own family, as well as adopt a kitty cat and a dog.

I know the home I want, it costs $199K, it is a 589sq. foot condo/apt, but it is a "castle" to me. It as been on the market over 3 months. It is remodeled and so cute. I looked at the place already with a real estate agent.

My last apt, I rented for over 16yrs (never late on rent), but my landlord sexually assaulted me, and when I complained about it I was illegally evicted. I miss that apt so much as it was a four-plex, and I had a yard a drive-way and it felt somewhat like a house. I had even used my own money to fix it up, 'cause I knew I would be a long-term tenant. I miss my old neighborhood, the neighbors and the neighborhood pets.

I have excellent (752 FICO SCORE) credit but am very, very low income, and I have a disability, but I still pay on my debt, which means to keep excellent credit, and pay that debt, I stay home (among other things) and do nothing as I have no money to go out, such as on a nice, respectable dinner date with a possible lifelong mate. I have been eating rice and beans for months, all three meals.

BUT I pay my required monthly payments on my credit card (debt created by motels after the illegal eviction as I have/had no family to stay with) in the hopes that somehow, someone can help me, meet me in the middle (so to speak), in order to get that home stated above.

I have a plan. I am obtaining a license at a community college. And, I want to work to work out of my eventual home I hope I can get, but I need help. I think of getting a permanent, stable home every single day, I have dreams about it a couple times a week, as well as nightmares about the home I lost every week. If I had a home, everything else would fall into place, including but not limited to, it would alleviate a lot of my depression and motivate me greatly and I would have something to look forward to, among other things.

My heart is broken. I just wanted to vent on here. Thank you for listening.