Slickdeals is community-supported.  We may get paid by brands for deals, including promoted items.
Forum Thread

Is my kid crazy?

2,786 1,084 August 3, 2010 at 05:04 PM in Chat
I am at the end of my rope with my 4.5 year old's screaming, kicking, hitting temper tantrums. She's an only child and is so sweet most of the time but when she gets really mad, she's awful. Like head spinning, pea soup awful. I know that it is mostly (if not all) our fault and we need to change out behaviors, too. We aren't consistent and have been too "go with the flow." I try to reason with her but it clearly isn't working. Time out use to work somewhat when she was little but she's old enough to realize that I can't keep her there unless I were to physically force her. It has become a power struggle and I can tell she is doing things to push my buttons.

Is this normal for her age? Any suggestions for books? Does she need therapy? I think I do....
Add a Comment
Reply

146 Comments

View Forum Thread

Your comment cannot be blank.

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Jul 2007
no comment
> bubble2 4,691 Posts
1,038 Reputation
pictureframes
08-04-2010 at 09:27 AM.
08-04-2010 at 09:27 AM.
Quote from Phrozt :
The OP's kid is 4.5
i was gonna check age before i posted that but i was SURE i read it right. DANGIT!@ still applies i think. the only thing i didnt do at that age was hang pictures w glass around their beds. they like to jump on them Stick Out Tongue
Reply
Joined Jan 2008
the Drunken Snowman
> bubble2 10,780 Posts
154 Reputation
Phrozt
08-04-2010 at 09:29 AM.
08-04-2010 at 09:29 AM.
Quote from Tamales. :
i was gonna check age before i posted that but i was SURE i read it right. DANGIT!@ still applies i think. the only thing i didnt do at that age was hang pictures w glass around their beds. they like to jump on them Stick Out Tongue
Pretty much, yeah.

Oh yeah.. in my novel I mentioned that I worked on my kid when he was 6 months and could roll. I taught him to stay away from wires heh. He pretty much does whatever he wants around the house, but he stays away from everything dangerous/breakable.
Reply
Joined Feb 2010
L6: Expert
> bubble2 1,002 Posts
80 Reputation
beanqueen
08-04-2010 at 09:29 AM.
08-04-2010 at 09:29 AM.
Quote from Gray. :
I've heard other people say things like this and I have to say that I completely disagree. Fear should not be the driving force of ANY relationship. Fear will just drive your children away from you whenever they get old enough to realize you have no power to control them anymore. It's not about control. It's about teaching them to respect for positive reasons. The second a child realizes the dictator parent can't control their entire world, they will act out in the areas that parent can't reach. And they'll end up hating the parent that did nothing but scare them to death every time they did something the parent didn't like. That's called emotional and psychological abuse. There are healthier ways to discipline.

You sound a lot like someone I know.
I disagree...I think a good helping of fear is a good thing...yes it should eventually lead into respect and if you do it right it will...I almost never acted out against my parents or did things behind their back...the fear thing is for the young...it instills an idea of who is in charge, they should respect the parent because the parent gives them food and roof over their head which is all they need to survive the rest is gravy. It's when you start getting to the point of them understanding the explanations for why they should and shouldn't do something that the respect comes. It's not that they're exactly scared of you persay but of the consequences of their actions that you are in charge of. They shouldn't be shaking in their boots when you walk into a room but they should know what's right and wrong and be scared of the consequences of doing wrong.
Reply
Joined Jan 2008
L8: Grand Teacher
> bubble2 3,747 Posts
stomach
08-04-2010 at 09:30 AM.
08-04-2010 at 09:30 AM.
OP how old are you?

have you ever tried getting advice from

seriously you should consider. you sound like you would be perfect for this show. you're a parent who really doesnt feel like dealing with your daughter when she starts to freak out so you give in to everything. time outs can and do work if you yourself would dedicate some time to make them sit in the "timeout" area. supernanny makes the parents do this all the time, sometimes it takes over an hour before they will sit in the designated area. but you probably dont have time right??
Reply
Joined Jan 2008
the Drunken Snowman
> bubble2 10,780 Posts
154 Reputation
Phrozt
08-04-2010 at 09:33 AM.
08-04-2010 at 09:33 AM.
Quote from beanqueen :
I disagree...I think a good helping of fear is a good thing...yes it should eventually lead into respect and if you do it right it will...I almost never acted out against my parents or did things behind their back...the fear thing is for the young...it instills an idea of who is in charge, they should respect the parent because the parent gives them food and roof over their head which is all they need to survive the rest is gravy. It's when you start getting to the point of them understanding the explanations for why they should and shouldn't do something that the respect comes. It's not that they're exactly scared of you persay but of the consequences of their actions that you are in charge of. They shouldn't be shaking in their boots when you walk into a room but they should know what's right and wrong and be scared of the consequences of doing wrong.
Yep. And that's exactly what I said in my post that Gray completely missed.

I thought you were on your way to lunch?? Stick Out Tongue
Reply
Joined Feb 2009
Tryin to come originale
> bubble2 5,976 Posts
481 Reputation
tresanus
08-04-2010 at 10:30 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:30 AM.
Quote from beanqueen :
I disagree...I think a good helping of fear is a good thing...yes it should eventually lead into respect and if you do it right it will...I almost never acted out against my parents or did things behind their back...the fear thing is for the young...it instills an idea of who is in charge, they should respect the parent because the parent gives them food and roof over their head which is all they need to survive the rest is gravy. It's when you start getting to the point of them understanding the explanations for why they should and shouldn't do something that the respect comes. It's not that they're exactly scared of you persay but of the consequences of their actions that you are in charge of. They shouldn't be shaking in their boots when you walk into a room but they should know what's right and wrong and be scared of the consequences of doing wrong.
If only that were true!

It sounds to me like you lean more toward respect than fear itself. I mean its one thing to fear going to jail, its another thing to respect the laws for more than just the consequence.

I guess its different for me because I do not fear my 5'0" 100 lb mother but would it hurt my heart to disappoint her.



Also, I was/am the best child ever, just ask my mom Wink haha
Reply
Last edited by tresanus August 4, 2010 at 10:33 AM.
Joined Nov 2003
Double Staff Oreos
> bubble2 26,899 Posts
2,390 Reputation
Global Mod
rayzac | Staff
08-04-2010 at 10:36 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:36 AM.
Quote from HeyLookItsMe :
being embarassed is part of YOUR problem. dont be. Everyone understands that kids are kids. People get mad and frustrated when ill behaving kids are left to the own vices and start yelling and screaming in a store and the parents dont do anything. This doesnt mean the parents give in to the kid but walking out of the store is always an option.
The other night I was dragged to a Kohls (dragged because I hate that store). A lady with 3 kids, age ranges I would guess between 6 and 10, was in front of us at check out. Her kids were running around, screaming, hitting each other. She would say "knock it off" but they did not even listen. She did not follow it up or anything. After we finally left the store, she was still loading up her van as we walked past. I made it a point to tell my friend that some people should not have kids and should be sterilized. She gave me a nasty look and I just looked at her and laughed.
Reply

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Dec 2004
L4: Apprentice
> bubble2 378 Posts
58 Reputation
evn73
08-04-2010 at 10:38 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:38 AM.
do like my parents did, make him walk outside and pic the switch that you will then tear that a$$ up with.
Reply
Joined Feb 2009
Tryin to come originale
> bubble2 5,976 Posts
481 Reputation
tresanus
08-04-2010 at 10:39 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:39 AM.
Quote from rayzac :
The other night I was dragged to a Kohls (dragged because I hate that store). A lady with 3 kids, age ranges I would guess between 6 and 10, was in front of us at check out. Her kids were running around, screaming, hitting each other. She would say "knock it off" but they did not even listen. She did not follow it up or anything. After we finally left the store, she was still loading up her van as we walked past. I made it a point to tell my friend that some people should not have kids and should be sterilized. She gave me a nasty look and I just looked at her and laughed.
Wow, you must make that point in 95% of the places you go.
Reply
Joined Sep 2006
IVIodel citizen
> bubble2 19,431 Posts
836 Reputation
Fallacy
08-04-2010 at 10:41 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:41 AM.
Quote from rayzac :
The other night I was dragged to a Kohls (dragged because I hate that store). A lady with 3 kids, age ranges I would guess between 6 and 10, was in front of us at check out. Her kids were running around, screaming, hitting each other. She would say "knock it off" but they did not even listen. She did not follow it up or anything. After we finally left the store, she was still loading up her van as we walked past. I made it a point to tell my friend that some people should not have kids and should be sterilized. She gave me a nasty look and I just looked at her and laughed.
Huh What's the moral/point of the story? That you were too big of a coward to tell her that to her face? Or that you are so cool that you said that in passing to a woman with misbehaving children?

Confused Are you trying to make yourself look good in the process of making her look bad?
Reply
Joined Jan 2008
the Drunken Snowman
> bubble2 10,780 Posts
154 Reputation
Phrozt
08-04-2010 at 10:41 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:41 AM.
Quote from tresanus :
If only that were true!

It sounds to me like you lean more toward respect than fear itself. I mean its one thing to fear going to jail, its another thing to respect the laws for more than just the consequence.

I guess its different for me because I do not fear my 5'0" 100 lb mother but would it hurt my heart to disappoint her.
The biggest thing about this situation IMO is the age. Right now they don't understand the complexities of respect. They may have an idea of what it is, but they simply cannot understand it at that age. I don't care how awesome the kid is.

Fear, on the other hand, is a very basic concept to grasp and understand. That doesn't mean it has to be fear for the rest of their life that governs them, but it is a tool to use at that age. Right now, their world is much more black and white than it will be as they mature and get older. As they start to understand different concepts of grey, those concepts should be replacing the basic human understanding of fear.

It's a lifelong process... not a quick fix.


EDIT: Rayzac. I like your jib. We should have babies. It would be better for the world.
Reply
Joined Nov 2003
Double Staff Oreos
> bubble2 26,899 Posts
2,390 Reputation
Global Mod
rayzac | Staff
08-04-2010 at 10:42 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:42 AM.
Quote from Fallacy :
Huh What's the moral/point of the story? That you were too big of a coward to tell her that to her face? Or that you are so cool that you said that in passing to a woman with misbehaving children?

Confused Are you trying to make yourself look good in the process of making her look bad?
No moral or point. She made herself look bad by not parenting her children.

Quote from Phrozt :
EDIT: Rayzac. I like your jib. We should have babies. It would be better for the world.
I don't think anyone should have babies. I think the world has already reached it's pinnacle of evolution. Time to stop trying.
Reply
Last edited by rayzac | Staff August 4, 2010 at 10:43 AM.
Joined Feb 2009
Tryin to come originale
> bubble2 5,976 Posts
481 Reputation
tresanus
08-04-2010 at 10:44 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:44 AM.
Quote from Phrozt :
The biggest thing about this situation IMO is the age. Right now they don't understand the complexities of respect. They may have an idea of what it is, but they simply cannot understand it at that age. I don't care how awesome the kid is.

Fear, on the other hand, is a very basic concept to grasp and understand. That doesn't mean it has to be fear for the rest of their life that governs them, but it is a tool to use at that age. Right now, their world is much more black and white than it will be as they mature and get older. As they start to understand different concepts of grey, those concepts should be replacing the basic human understanding of fear.

It's a lifelong process... not a quick fix.


EDIT: Rayzac. I like your jib. We should have babies. It would be better for the world.
Makes sense, I don't have any children or even younger siblings around so I know nothing of the sheer emptiness that is a child's brain. But my chihuahuas are straight up scared of me!
Reply
Joined Feb 2009
Tryin to come originale
> bubble2 5,976 Posts
481 Reputation
tresanus
08-04-2010 at 10:46 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:46 AM.
Quote from rayzac :
No moral or point. She made herself look bad by not parenting her children.
What if she has taught them that she only calmly says knock it off once in public, if you still misbehave prepare for a beating when we get home.

Not saying that she does, she is probably a horrible parent, but not deserving of some punk kid to mutter something about her under his/her breath.
Reply

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Jan 2008
the Drunken Snowman
> bubble2 10,780 Posts
154 Reputation
Phrozt
08-04-2010 at 10:47 AM.
08-04-2010 at 10:47 AM.
Quote from tresanus :
Makes sense, I don't have any children or even younger siblings around so I know nothing of the sheer emptiness that is a child's brain. But my chihuahuas are straight up scared of me!
Chihuahuas are scared of everything.
Reply
Page 7 of 10
Start the Conversation
 
Link Copied

The link has been copied to the clipboard.