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Forum Thread

Am I required to disclose this information before having sex?

7,598 277 March 29, 2007 at 05:33 AM in Question
My girlfriend was informed by her gynocologist that she has the human papillomavirus, or HPV. It's impossible to tell who had it first, but I'm most likely a carrier now as well. For those of you who don't know, HPV is a virus that's said to be a prerequisite for cervical cancer in women. Men can carry the virus, but it's nearly harmless for them.

Some HPV facts from wikipedia:
Quote :
HPV is the most common sexual transmitted infection in the United States. In the United States approximately 20-million people are currently infected with HPV about 6.2 million Americans will get infected with genital HPV this year.

24.5% prevalence of HPV among females 14 to 19 years old
44.8% prevalence of HPV among females 20 to 24 years old
27.4% prevalence of HPV among females 25 to 29 years old
27.5% prevalence of HPV among females 30 to 39 years old
25.2% prevalence of HPV among females 40 to 49 years old
19.6% prevalence of HPV among females 50 to 59 years old

In the absence of Pap testing or treatment, about 1% of women with genital HPV infections will eventually go on to develop cervical cancer.

Women who have Pap testing or other cervical cancer screenings on a regular basis dramatically decrease their chances of developing cervical cancer.

A 2006 study of 82 college students suggests that condoms can be up to 70% effective for preventing genital HPV infection if used for every sexual encounter.
Here's my question. Am I required to disclose this information before having relations with another woman? I have a feeling that everyone's kneejerk reaction will be "yes", but please consider the following. There's a huge chance that the woman already has the virus, and if she doesn't already she'll probably get it in the future*. With a condom, she probably won't get it from me anyway. With pap testing, there's a very very low risk of cancer. And quite frankly, I feel that she won't know all the facts and will think it's a bigger deal than it actually is.

Thoughts?







*Genital HPV infection is very common, with estimates suggesting that more than 50% of women will become infected with one or more of the sexually transmitted HPV types at some point during adulthood.[7]

The American Social Health Association projections in 2006 were yet more pessimistic, predicting that about 75% of the reproductive population will have been infected with genital HPV infection in their lifetime.
Would YOU disclose that you're an HPV carrier? (please read the wiki facts first)
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sassysour
03-29-2007 at 10:27 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:27 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
You know..this thread really has me thinking about my own daughter. With just the H's alone: HIV, HPV and herpes...I am terrified at the thought of her becoming sexually active. I am going to do whatever I can to encourage her to wait until marriage..if I have to pay her cash dollars...I will do it.
Wouldn't it be good if we taught our sons this also, so that they wouldn't get infected, and give it to their future virgin wives?
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GirlRacer
03-29-2007 at 10:28 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:28 AM.
I found answers to a lot of my basic questions on this website.
http://www.thehpvtest.com/
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Caydensmom
03-29-2007 at 10:32 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:32 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
You know..this thread really has me thinking about my own daughter. With just the H's alone: HIV, HPV and herpes...I am terrified at the thought of her becoming sexually active. I am going to do whatever I can to encourage her to wait until marriage..if I have to pay her cash dollars...I will do it.
My DH would not be okay with any boy having sex with his girls thats just him laugh out loud we have always joked that they won't date until they are married.
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Kristin
03-29-2007 at 10:33 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:33 AM.
OP, regardless of the statistics, etc.... if you ever want a future with any woman you plan to sleep with, full disclosure is the only way to go. I've been with my fiance for six years... if I were to now find out I have something that laid dormant but is suddenly active and he knew he had it when we got together, didn't tell me, and then kept it from me for all these years, I can't honestly say our relationship could survive that.

It doesn't matter how many people have HPV and don't know it, the point is you have good reason to believe you have it and you know it, and it's your moral responsibility to do the right thing. I think by posting this thread you already knew that though. Good luck. hug
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BrownEyedGirl
03-29-2007 at 10:33 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:33 AM.
Quote from sassysour :
Wouldn't it be good if we taught our sons this also, so that they wouldn't get infected, and give it to their future virgin wives?
Iagree x 1000000000000000000000000
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Caydensmom
03-29-2007 at 10:33 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:33 AM.
Quote from stimpy :
..and just how am I to know that you haven't lost a body part??? hmm?

I think a full frontal would be in order here. Evil Photo Wink .....or I would be willing to do a personal inspection ... just for you of coarse.
:fluffs skirt:
You crack me up stimpster Wink5
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~Kimber~
03-29-2007 at 10:34 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:34 AM.
Quote from lippy_grl1 :
Sorry but if he does not get warts she won't...warts are caused by a few strains of HPV. there are over 100 different strains. Read my earlier post for more info.
But we don't know he won't. And let's say two people both are infected about the same time, one of them may develop warts first. That was my posting perspective.

Quote from MrsMcDreamy :
I remember the first few days having my daughter home from the hospital. I was terrified. I started thinking about her becoming her own little person, and it had me really torn up. I actually called my mother crying, and apologized to her for any stress I had put her through.

We will do our best to lead our daughters the right way, but knowing that there's an awfully scary world out there, it's not something I like to think about. That's one reason I know we will get the new vaccine. It at least offers a little more protection than I can own my own.

hug We will just have to hang in there. Thanks for your words in this thread, Kimber. I think we have very similar views. Hope all is well!
Thanks hun. Same to you. It ain't easy being a mommy. Hug2
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Last edited by ~Kimber~ March 29, 2007 at 10:34 AM.

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Gray.
03-29-2007 at 10:35 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:35 AM.
Quote from BrownEyedGirl :
PG, while I applaud you for coming forward, I must say that your attitude of it being no big deal takes me aback. You usually give pretty good advice, but I have a big issue with some of your statements here. (and yes, I realize you said he should tell, which he should)


Don't forget that there are many women out there who do not have access to proper healthcare, have no insurance, and may not have the funds to go to a clinic. It IS a big deal. Just because you came out OK does not mean that someone else will. It's ludicrious to assume that "she may already have it". That does not make it ok, nor does it make it no big deal. What if a person does not have it? What if she gets it right after her yearly check up? She goes back in a year and guess what? Too late, honey, you have HPV (or) cervial cancer. All because (to someone else) it was no big deal because it can be treated and she probably had it anyway. Wow.


STDs are ALWAYS a big deal, whether or not there is a treatment or a cure.

You said:


EEK! WHAT? So a woman who freaks out over an STD is dumb? shake head I'm sorry, but cure or no cure, treatment or no treatment, I want and deserve to know. Once I know, I can make my choice whether or not to pursue the relationship. Chances are, if he waits until they have been dating awhile (as you suggest) they have had sex. Then it's too late.

Of course, no sex before marriage is the best practice, but it is obvious that a lot of people do not do that.

I can't believe that anyone would see this as no big deal simply because things can be removed and frozen and one can get check ups. If anything, going through all that should show you that it IS a big deal. Think of all the time, the pain, the money, the resources that could have been saved. You're lucky you didn't get cancer and die. Cancer is no fun.

It is a big deal. It just IS.


PS


I am not yelling or attacking. I am just kind of dumbfounded.
Quote from MrsMcDreamy :
After reading her personal story, I also was slightly surprised to see that she had a bit more of a lenient attitude towards it than I do, although I do know everyone has different feelings. I feel for anyone that has to go through any stage of this or any other disease, because as you and I have both stated, it can become draining... physically, emotionally, and it's not free to treat or deal with.

I may be a little harsh in my views, but I just think that one less person that has to deal with this type of stuff, the better.
I understand why you might be shocked that I'm so lenient about it but in reality, for me... it is not that big of a deal. I have dealt with a lot more than just HPV and precancerous cells.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't tell or shouldn't get the vaccine.

I just think that it's kind of silly that there's all this uproar over HPV when it is not fatal or anything else, but there's nothing out there about protecting yourself against chlamydia or any other STD that may not be permanent (besides the obvious- abstaining or using a condom), but can cause lots of damage to the human body if contracted once and especially multiple times.

Of course he should tell.

Of course people should get the vaccine.

But I think that more people think, "Oh my gosh... I'm dying... I have HPV... etc. etc." when it really is more than likely a dormant strain. But that's why people SHOULD get checked out... you never know if it is or it isn't. And that's why partners SHOULD share that information.

I'm not being lenient about the major issue in this thread: telling a person.

I'm not even being lenient about the vaccine.

I'm just saying... yes, it has caused people pain (myself included) but if you just buckle down and do the right thing and get your checkups and everything else, you will find that it is not as life-altering as you think it may be. At least it hasn't been for me so far. Or my mother or my sister or anyone else I know personally who has gone through the same thing I have. My mother had cryosurgery and all of that and she is happy and thriving and has 3 children.

Now for someone like GirlRacer, I think it's terrible that it happened in the way that it did and that she may not be able to have children, but she still has a chance because she went and got checked out. But I honestly have not heard any other stories personally of someone who did do the right thing and get checked out on a regular basis developing a strain this bad that they may not be able to have children.

I guess if you look beyond the words "big deal" you'll see that I really am an advocate for telling a partner, getting the vaccine, and getting checked out on a regular basis. And I honestly don't think that's lenient at all. Just my 2 cents.
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Drio
03-29-2007 at 10:35 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:35 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
You know..this thread really has me thinking about my own daughter. With just the H's alone: HIV, HPV and herpes...I am terrified at the thought of her becoming sexually active. I am going to do whatever I can to encourage her to wait until marriage..if I have to pay her cash dollars...I will do it.
For $10 I promise not to have sex with your daughter. laugh out loud
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lippy_grl1
03-29-2007 at 10:35 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:35 AM.
Quote from Mavtech :
How's that? How is it transmitted? Skin contact? Semen? Blood? Saliva?
skin to skin...again read my prior post about HPV
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GirlRacer
03-29-2007 at 10:36 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:36 AM.
Quote from Kristin :
OP, regardless of the statistics, etc.... if you ever want a future with any woman you plan to sleep with, full disclosure is the only way to go. I've been with my fiance for six years... if I were to now find out I have something that laid dormant but is suddenly active and he knew he had it when we got together, didn't tell me, and then kept it from me for all these years, I can't honestly say our relationship could survive that.

It doesn't matter how many people have HPV and don't know it, the point is you have good reason to believe you have it and you know it, and it's your moral responsibility to do the right thing. I think by posting this thread you already knew that though. Good luck. hug
I completely agree. If I were to find out my fiance knew about this and didnt tell me, I dont know if I could marry him. This entire experience was life changing for me, and he was by my side the entire time. If he were to spring it on me that he could have prevented it, I dont know what I would have done but it most certainly wouldnt have been good.
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~Kimber~
03-29-2007 at 10:37 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:37 AM.
Quote from BrownEyedGirl :
I have a younger sister, Kimber, and this is exactly how I feel. I am terrified for her. She is an awesome person, and I believe she will wait until marriage. But even then I do not feel like she will be fully protected. So many people take a cavalier attitude toward sex and what goes with it. It's very frustrating, and scary.
Iagree And there are many kids these days who just engage in oral sex, believing that is acceptable behavior before marriage. HPV and other STD's can easily be spread in this fashion.
All we can do, is tell them. And maybe scare the crap out of them so they WILL wait.
Hang in there, we're all in it together. hug
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Slinger
03-29-2007 at 10:38 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:38 AM.
Quote from Ram|bunc|tious :
Forget the name of the disease/infection, should you (a) disclose this information no matter what you had prior to sealing the deal or (b) wrap up your little buddy and just merrily bang away?

... don't people go to jail for having sex knowing they have HIV without telling their partners? Similar consequences to women ...
HPV can be cured with a shot, HIV can't....BIG DIFFERENCE!
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~Kimber~
03-29-2007 at 10:41 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:41 AM.
Quote from sassysour :
Wouldn't it be good if we taught our sons this also, so that they wouldn't get infected, and give it to their future virgin wives?
Absolutely. nod

Quote from Caydensmom :
My DH would not be okay with any boy having sex with his girls thats just him laugh out loud we have always joked that they won't date until they are married.
Good luck with that! LMAO LMAO

Quote from Drio :
For $10 I promise not to have sex with your daughter. laugh out loud
I doubt even Viagra will work for you by the time she is old enough for all that.
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Last edited by ~Kimber~ March 29, 2007 at 10:41 AM.

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Drio
03-29-2007 at 10:42 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:42 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
I doubt even Viagra will work for you by the time she is old enough for all that.
Sadwalk That's right... I'm old. I forget. Because I'm old. Sadwalk
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