Joined Jun 2003
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Forum Thread
Would you advise your cousin's girlfriend not to get engaged? *UPDATED!!*
December 8, 2015 at
12:09 PM
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Ok, this is about my wife's 23 yr old cousin. He and his girlfriend have been together off and on for about 4 years now.
Doesn't go to school and has no idea what he wants to do. He has no ambition for anything bigger. And if he does, it would be to become a nfl football player.
Lives at home. Up until recently mom would finance everything for him. With mom's money he bought his gf a Tiffany's ring (birthday gift). Just recently got a part time at a fast food place.
She is 22 yrs old and has a full time job and goes to school full time. We absolutely love her and have gotten to know her very well because she babysat for us. She'll come spend the weekend with us, etc etc. We've been there for her when they are broken up.
She has been living "on her own" since she was 16. It basically means that she has been bouncing around from aunt to aunt and then ended up living at my wife's aunt's house. A room became available once the aunt's son went off to college. Aunt didn't want to have an empty house, so she gladly moved in free of charge.
The girl is in love with my wife's family. It's a huge family and everyone loves her. She's always wanted to be a part of a big family.
Aunt's house has been under renovation for the last few months. So now she has been "living" at her bf's house on the couch. It's a two bedroom house. The mom and dad have one room and the other room is for his sister who is 20 and pregnant. He sleeps on couch and she sleeps on the other couch.
The girl is in love with "getting married". I think the act of it mostly. She's always had a timeline of when things need to be done.
We're a huge fan of hers, him not so much. We've encouraged her to venture out to date other guys. The last time he dumped her was while she was in the hospital. She understands that he is a total loser, but she loves him anyways.
He called us last Friday as we were walking out the door. He never calls us. He said that he had something to tell us in person. He told my wife's brother, which in turn told us. Something big is supposed to go down on Dec 19th. I'm sure he is calling to invite us, but we really don't don't necessarily "support" the engagement. I'm sure she will say "yes" because she was so excited a few weeks ago when my brother-in-law got engaged. Like I said, I think she in love with the "act" of doing all these things.
Damnit, why can't she just find someone better!
Doesn't go to school and has no idea what he wants to do. He has no ambition for anything bigger. And if he does, it would be to become a nfl football player.
Lives at home. Up until recently mom would finance everything for him. With mom's money he bought his gf a Tiffany's ring (birthday gift). Just recently got a part time at a fast food place.She is 22 yrs old and has a full time job and goes to school full time. We absolutely love her and have gotten to know her very well because she babysat for us. She'll come spend the weekend with us, etc etc. We've been there for her when they are broken up.
She has been living "on her own" since she was 16. It basically means that she has been bouncing around from aunt to aunt and then ended up living at my wife's aunt's house. A room became available once the aunt's son went off to college. Aunt didn't want to have an empty house, so she gladly moved in free of charge.
The girl is in love with my wife's family. It's a huge family and everyone loves her. She's always wanted to be a part of a big family.
Aunt's house has been under renovation for the last few months. So now she has been "living" at her bf's house on the couch. It's a two bedroom house. The mom and dad have one room and the other room is for his sister who is 20 and pregnant. He sleeps on couch and she sleeps on the other couch.
The girl is in love with "getting married". I think the act of it mostly. She's always had a timeline of when things need to be done.
We're a huge fan of hers, him not so much. We've encouraged her to venture out to date other guys. The last time he dumped her was while she was in the hospital. She understands that he is a total loser, but she loves him anyways.
He called us last Friday as we were walking out the door. He never calls us. He said that he had something to tell us in person. He told my wife's brother, which in turn told us. Something big is supposed to go down on Dec 19th. I'm sure he is calling to invite us, but we really don't don't necessarily "support" the engagement. I'm sure she will say "yes" because she was so excited a few weeks ago when my brother-in-law got engaged. Like I said, I think she in love with the "act" of doing all these things.
Damnit, why can't she just find someone better!
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* On Sat the 19th (the day supposedly he is going to propose) they will be attending her cousin's (surprise, i'm pregnant!) wedding
* She mentioned that they'll be going out of state on Sunday the 20th to attend a different wedding.
Apparently it's wedding season
* On Sat the 19th (the day supposedly he is going to propose) they will be attending her cousin's (surprise, i'm pregnant!) wedding
* She mentioned that they'll be going out of state on Sunday the 20th to attend a different wedding.
Apparently it's wedding season
There is a group of 4 of us who are pretty close with her. The rest of us are all on the same page.
She suffers (very badly) from endometriosis. About 6 months ago it was so bad that she had to have surgery to figure out how bad it was. The doctor came by the room and talked to her and her family about what she had found. The doc said that it's pretty common for endometriosis to resolve itself after a woman has a baby. The girl looks over at the guy and he instantly stresses out and stops talking to her as soon as she is out of the hospital. He got scared off. She is great with kids, and would like a kid, but would also like to travel the world first. It's not like she was asking for them to get pregnant right then and there.
She suffers (very badly) from endometriosis. About 6 months ago it was so bad that she had to have surgery to figure out how bad it was. The doctor came by the room and talked to her and her family about what she had found. The doc said that it's pretty common for endometriosis to resolve itself after a woman has a baby. The girl looks over at the guy and he instantly stresses out and stops talking to her as soon as she is out of the hospital. He got scared off. She is great with kids, and would like a kid, but would also like to travel the world first. It's not like she was asking for them to get pregnant right then and there.
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yours for me :truestory:
She suffers (very badly) from endometriosis. About 6 months ago it was so bad that she had to have surgery to figure out how bad it was. The doctor came by the room and talked to her and her family about what she had found. The doc said that it's pretty common for endometriosis to resolve itself after a woman has a baby. The girl looks over at the guy and he instantly stresses out and stops talking to her as soon as she is out of the hospital. He got scared off. She is great with kids, and would like a kid, but would also like to travel the world first. It's not like she was asking for them to get pregnant right then and there.
Soooo, what happened? Did they get back together?
We sat down and caught up with her. Asked her how she was doing, how her relationship was doing, and eventually where she saw herself later on down the road. She's a smart girl (for the most part), and gave some pretty levelheaded answers. She said that she didn't see herself getting engaged anytime soon, or married, or trying to have kids any time soon. We had a good conversation with her that evening.
Now onto him....
A few day later I came home to find my wife sitting in the living room with her cousin waiting for me. He drove by and figured he stop in to chat, since we had been putting him off. I told my wife that I would have not come home if I knew that he was going to be there.
Anyhow, he broke the news to us that he was planning on asking the girl to marry him. He said that he was motivated by his cousin (my wife's brother, 7 years older, who had gotten engaged a few weekends prior), and that he wanted to be happy just the same way his cousin was. Wtf?! Really?!
Wife and I asked him a bunch of question to see where his head was at. He is 23 yrs old and seriously answered the questions like a high school kid. We were really blown away!
We asked what the reactions were of people who he had told that he was going to propose. He said that everyone was "shocked". Even his own Mom couldn't believe what he was telling her. Ummmm, that's not a good sign!!
His dad was the only who had had any conversation with him about marriage. But honestly, their family is jacked up anyways. Not sure how helpful of a conversation that was.
So we definitely gave the kid some things to think about.
That weekend he asked her to marry him. She said 'yes'. A few days later they both left the state to attend her cousins wedding. Now all that she talks about is getting married.
He is sooooo not ready. This is going to be like watching a train getting ready to crash.
We're still waiting for the second one to crash, but they've only been married a couple of years so it could be a little while. It's coming though. He's 24, she's 23, and together they have the maturity level of the 9 yr. old boy that sits on his sister's head when he passes gas.
My wife and I decided to stop hanging out with her.
To recap, they ended up getting engaged towards the end of last year. About the 2nd week into January my wife and I had a chance to sit down and talk to her about what it meant to be engaged and married. We were super close with her to the point that she was almost seen like our daughter. Being that my wife and I had already talked to him separately, we could see that they were not anywhere near the same wavelength. We were happy that she had gotten engaged, but we also made it clear that i'd be a good idea to make it a long engagement so that they could really really get to know each other. She agreed that it was important to get to know one another.
A few days later we found out that they had already set a wedding date in May.
We haven't seen her since January sometime. We kept avoiding her and my wife didn't take her calls by blocking her. She sent a txt message to me to let me know that she had left a little gift for my wife and my MIL's house. It was a little box asking my wife to be her "Maid of Honor"
The girl didn't really know much at that time. She kept trying to reach out to me wondering why we hadn't RSVP'd. I told her that unfortunately we weren't going to be able to make their Thursday wedding. She asked why, and I told her that we just weren't available and that we were not going to be in contact for a long while....
Fast-forward...
They got hitched at the courthouse on May 4th. Their "budget" wedding is coming up in two weeks on a Thursday.
To save money they will be moving in with his aunt. The aunt thinks that it is a good move so that she and him can watch over Grandpa while they live there. I swear, the entire family is full of enablers!
Our Stance....
Ultimately we really care about her and we want her to be Happy. We were probably the closest to her than anyone else. She really looked up to us as a married couple. We felt that we gave her some good advice for a solid foundation. She turned around and did what she wanted. It's okay, it's her life. We are not mad at her for that, but we also decided that we didn't want to be part of a celebration for a marriage that we didn't necessarily agree with. My wife and I didn't want to be putting up fake smiles with something we didn't support. It was best for her to not have us around her, and vice versa.
Obviously we will see her again since she is now family and all. Good luck to them, they'll need it!
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