Joined Aug 2003
Berserker xXx
Forum Thread
Laughter makes you live longer - Jokes Megathread!!
December 2, 2003 at
04:14 PM
Recently I've noticed that the lounge was kinda dying off, and some people's temper has gone mad. I think that we should tell some funny stories or jokes, could be a joke or story from you or someone you know or heard. Sometimes, reading funny things, stories, jokes can really brighten up someone's day. and also really fun to look at. 
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
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After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the
president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline,
and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer.
Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked:
'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel
for the successes of our sons.....What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.'
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either.
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. !!!!!!
*************
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup ... gonna be a bear.
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Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, "The Baxter Bulletin" in Arkansas reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 yards in a corn field near Mtn. Home, Bubba Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Arkansas had already gone wireless.
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business...
One day he found out that his sickly father was sitting on a hidden fortune and that when his father died, Dan would be the sole heir!
Reticent at the thought of living alone, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening, while attending his new investment-club meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen -- her natural beauty took his breath away!
"I may look like just an ordinary man," Dan said as he approached her, "but in just a few months, my father will die, and I'll inherit 50 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman spent the evening talking to the man, asking him about his job, his father, his family, his hobbies, etc. Dan was completely smitten. As they were ready to part, she asked for his phone number, promising to call him soon.
Three days later, Dan heard the phone ring, and picking it up, was delighted to hear the beautiful woman on the other line.
"I have some wonderful news," she told him. "When we met the other night, I had such a great time... and after talking to your father, we agreed: I'm going to be your new stepmother!"
a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to
China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan...
and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy
prostitutes, weed, beer, cigarettes, whiskey, and tattoos,
since these are the only products still produced in the
USA.
Thank you for your help & please support the U.S.
a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to
China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan...
and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy
prostitutes, weed, beer, cigarettes, whiskey, and tattoos,
since these are the only products still produced in the
USA.
Thank you for your help & please support the U.S.
Myself, I prefer scotch whiskey. American economy be damned!
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy
prostitutes, weed, beer, cigarettes, whiskey, and tattoos,
since these are the only products still produced in the
USA.
Thank you for your help & please support the U.S.
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