Joined Aug 2003
Berserker xXx
Forum Thread
Laughter makes you live longer - Jokes Megathread!!
December 2, 2003 at
04:14 PM
Recently I've noticed that the lounge was kinda dying off, and some people's temper has gone mad. I think that we should tell some funny stories or jokes, could be a joke or story from you or someone you know or heard. Sometimes, reading funny things, stories, jokes can really brighten up someone's day. and also really fun to look at. 
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
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I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line.
Just one lady in front of me . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . .
She asked the teller, 'Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'.
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line.
Just one lady in front of me . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . .
She asked the teller, 'Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'.
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.
The woman quietly says to him ..sure but I think its only fair to tell you that Im on my menstrual cycle.
The redneck says..... well hell thats no problem I'll just follow you home on my moped.
I respond with a simple OK and go back to reading. 5 minutes later the pilot turns to me and tells me he has a medical problem and needs to have sex every hour or he'll become violent.
I just ignore him and keep on reading. 5 minutes later the pilot turns to me and tells me I have two choices. Have sex with him or get thrown out of the plane without a parachute."
"So did you jump?" asked the friend.
"Oh, a little at first"
I respond with a simple OK and go back to reading. 5 minutes later the pilot turns to me and tells me he has a medical problem and needs to have sex every hour or he'll become violent.
I just ignore him and keep on reading. 5 minutes later the pilot turns to me and tells me I have two choices. Have sex with him or get thrown out of the plane without a parachute."
"So did you jump?" asked the friend.
"Oh, a little at first"
thats not a story i would tell a friend
thats not a story i would tell a friend
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The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: Tylenol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.
The second pupil said: Nytol
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: Viagra
Johnny. What is it used for?
I think it can be used for diarrhea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder'.
A Bear and a Rabbit didn't like each other very much but were casual
friends, One day they met a talking frog in a divine pond. The kind frog
offered them each three wishes for being his guests.
The Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females.
The frog granted his wish.
The Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately,
and he placed it on his head.
The Bear was amazed at Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish.
He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
The Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
The Bear could not believe it and complained that Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself.
Shaking his head, Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the
world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Rabbit for his last wish.
The Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, 'I wish that this Bear was gay!' and rode off as fast as he could!
-------------------------
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to
meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love
to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed
right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there,
but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs
left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few
weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and
then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask
him what the deal was. They said, George, every Saturday you say you
may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with
either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with
that?
George replies, Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every
Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on
her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right
side, I golf right handed.
Well, one of the employees questioned, What happens if she is
laying on her back? George replies, Then I am 10 minutes late.
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. He looks at his wife and says: "This is the pig I've been screwing when you have a headache." She looks back at him and says "That's a sheep you retard." to which he replies "I was talking to the sheep."
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wan ts for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll l have some Cheerios. "WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know" he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
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That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my life. I love you." Then we made love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"