Joined Aug 2003
Berserker xXx
Forum Thread
Laughter makes you live longer - Jokes Megathread!!
December 2, 2003 at
04:14 PM
Recently I've noticed that the lounge was kinda dying off, and some people's temper has gone mad. I think that we should tell some funny stories or jokes, could be a joke or story from you or someone you know or heard. Sometimes, reading funny things, stories, jokes can really brighten up someone's day. and also really fun to look at. 
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
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Keep posting guys
Walk him and pitch to the Rhino..
This was a joke from a movie I was watching this past weekend. It was so bad it made me laugh out loud... Can you guess the movie?
portrait that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men
totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the men had black penises, but
the one seated in the middle, had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized the confused couple were having trouble
with interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on and on
for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the
sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal
society.
"In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink
penis reflects the cultural and sociological
oppression expressed by gay men in a contemporary society".
After the curator left, a Scotsman approached the couple and said, "Would you
like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the
Gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there is no African-
American representation at all.
They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The
guy in the middle went home for lunch."
***
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out With this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said: You wear pants don't you?
He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said: That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said: I would but you're never there.
He said: Why did the man cross the road?
She said: He heard the chicken was a slut
He said: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said: They don't have time
He said: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said: We don't know; it has never happened.
He said: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
She said: They already have boyfriends.
She said: What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said: A widow.
He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge
A democrat's confession
I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now
marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.
I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies'
profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the
government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a
better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long
as nobody is offended by it.
I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust
that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because
they now think we're good people.
I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to
own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to
protect me from murderers and thieves.
I voted Democrat because I believe that people who
can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that
the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I
don't start driving a Prius.
I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the
slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death
row inmates alive.
I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not
be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to
break even and give the rest away to the government for
redistribution as THEY see fit.
I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to
rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe
kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my
rectum that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another
point of view.
"A Liberal is a person who will give away
everything they don't own."
A democrat's confession
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He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.
As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity.
The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."