Joined Aug 2003
Berserker xXx
Forum Thread
Laughter makes you live longer - Jokes Megathread!!
December 2, 2003 at
04:14 PM
Recently I've noticed that the lounge was kinda dying off, and some people's temper has gone mad. I think that we should tell some funny stories or jokes, could be a joke or story from you or someone you know or heard. Sometimes, reading funny things, stories, jokes can really brighten up someone's day. and also really fun to look at. 
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
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Cheetah.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
Santa stops after 3 hos.
"No," she said, "It's regular porn, you sicko freak."
Santa stops after 3 hos.
Why did Tiger hit a tree and a fire hydrant with his SUV?
He couldn't choose between an iron or a wood.
http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRxmas2.htm
http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRxmas2.htm
uggg pops-ups loud annoying music and horrible scripting make a lame joke even worse...
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LOL,t takes all kinds
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.
There, spread out up on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."
How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua.
Another argued that Joshua was Hebrew, not Aramaic, to which a third argued that Hebrew should be used because Jesus was said to be the King of the Jews.
The debate went on and on and became more and more sophisticated and obtuse.
Finally, an old man known for his wisdom intervened. He informed the group that he knew how Jesus was named.
When Jesus was born, a star shown in the sky, and three wise men from the East travelled to Bethlehem.
They had travelled for days, suffered great deprivation, and when they finally got to Bethlehem got lost trying to find the manger.
Finally, after much ado, and in rather foul moods, they reached the manger and entered the stall.
As one of them came through the door, he tripped on the door sill, and fell into the wall hitting his head.
"Jesus Christ!" he screamed, and that is how the baby was named.
The next day she tells a friend at school about it. The friend says, "you're going about it the wrong way. You don't have to ask your mother - just look at her driver's license some time ... all the information is there." So that evening, while her mother is cooking, the girl sneaks into mom's bedroom and looks at her driver's license. At dinner she says, "Mom, I know you're 38 years old." "Very good," says Mom, "how did you know?" The girl just smiles and says "and you weigh 135 pounds. And I know why daddy divorced you." Mom is a little upset but curious and says "Why?" Her daughter answers, "Because you got an F in sex." ####
rsvr85
Yeah but no but
rsvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant future
Join Date: Feb 2009
Windows 7 Ultimate x86
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This is serious. Please BEWARE!
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Tesco's for a bit of shopping resulted in the following...... Don't be nae enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two very good looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their boobs almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another Tesco, in this case the one in Cleckheaton. You agree and they both get in the backseat.
On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely in the buff. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, trying to kiss you and touch you intimately, thrusting herself against you. While the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th,10th and twice yesterday.
P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for 1.99 each but Lidl are 1.75 and look better.
Take Care
rsvr85
Yeah but no but
rsvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant futurersvr85 has a brilliant future
Join Date: Feb 2009
Windows 7 Ultimate x86
1,022 posts
UK
UK uk england
rsvr85 is offline Report Post
Default
This is serious. Please BEWARE!
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Tesco's for a bit of shopping resulted in the following...... Don't be nae enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two very good looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their boobs almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another Tesco, in this case the one in Cleckheaton. You agree and they both get in the backseat.
On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely in the buff. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, trying to kiss you and touch you intimately, thrusting herself against you. While the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th,10th and twice yesterday.
P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for 1.99 each but Lidl are 1.75 and look better.
Take Care
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvin has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, sophisticated woman hadn't moved. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, "Well honey, in my country I'm called a Queen, so put your tray up, bitch."
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvin has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, sophisticated woman hadn't moved. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, "Well honey, in my country I'm called a Queen, so put your tray up, bitch."
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