Joined Aug 2003
Berserker xXx
Forum Thread
Laughter makes you live longer - Jokes Megathread!!
December 2, 2003 at
04:14 PM
Recently I've noticed that the lounge was kinda dying off, and some people's temper has gone mad. I think that we should tell some funny stories or jokes, could be a joke or story from you or someone you know or heard. Sometimes, reading funny things, stories, jokes can really brighten up someone's day. and also really fun to look at. 
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
System Notice: This thread has been automatically renewed after reaching a post limit. Most of its content has been moved to this thread for reference purposes.
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The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening.
The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, "The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!"
The president of Budweiser asked for "The King of Beers, make it a Bud!".
Adolph Coors requested a "From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coors if you don't mind."
And so it went around the large table, each president asking for the brew from his own company as if it was the best.
Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness.
"And you sir?" he queried.
"I'll have a Coke!" was Guinness's reply.
"A Coke??!?" The waiter was shocked.
"Wouldn't you rather have a Guinness, sir?"
Arthur looked at the waiter, and gestured to his companions. "Well," he said, "If they're not drinking beer, then neither will I!"
year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and
my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and
that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight
mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't
really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to
go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned.
I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw
them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to
the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in
his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you
have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family."
MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Always keep your condoms in your car.
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The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening.
The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, "The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!"
The president of Budweiser asked for "The King of Beers, make it a Bud!".
Adolph Coors requested a "From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coors if you don't mind."
And so it went around the large table, each president asking for the brew from his own company as if it was the best.
Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness.
"And you sir?" he queried.
"I'll have a Coke!" was Guinness's reply.
"A Coke??!?" The waiter was shocked.
"Wouldn't you rather have a Guinness, sir?"
Arthur looked at the waiter, and gestured to his companions. "Well," he said, "If they're not drinking beer, then neither will I!"
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "That's amazing! I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round for Ireland." And they have another drink.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin" replies the second man. "I can't believe it" says the first man, "I'm from Dublin also! Let's have another drink for Dublin." So they have yet another drink.
The first man then asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "Class of '71." "That's amazing!" the first man says, "I went to Saint Mary's and graduated in '71 too!"
About that time, one of the regulars comes in and asks the Bartender "What's been going on?" "Nothing much" replies the bartender… "Except the O'Reilly twins are drunk again".
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust and ordered another pint.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT YA THIEVING BA$TARD!!!"
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust and ordered another pint.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT YA THIEVING BA$TARD!!!"
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust and ordered another pint.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT YA THIEVING BA$TARD!!!"
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