Joined Jun 2004
L10: Grand Master
Forum Thread
My girlfriend from high school - NO JUDGING!
April 15, 2010 at
10:21 AM
in
Sad
I feel really guilty about this and this burden of guilt is eating at me night and day. So, I thought I'll share this with my fellow loungers and get their views on this.
Around 10-11 years back when I was I was in high school (yes, those years when I was young, carefree and reckless), I was going steady with this girl. I was supposedly her first boy friend and we had a great relationship. It felt then as if she was my soulmate...the one I would spend the rest of my life with.
We had a great sexual relationship too. She was great in bed and satisfied my every need (back then it was a LOT of need....not that it's any less now). For some reason though, she had this think for men's underwear. She always wanted me to wear black undies. I never found out why but I did not care much either...as long as I was getting some action, I would have agreed to wear neon flashing boxers.
This continued all through high school when one day I found that the whole relationship was based on a lie. I was not her first one and in fact, she had cheated on me many times during those years.
Needless to say, we had a bad break-up. Many things were said by me to her, that should never have been said or heard. Some may call it verbal abuse, but for me it was just sharing what I really felt.
However, this supposedly scarred her for life. Supposedly, she never had another relationship for the next 10 years.
Fast forward to last week. I heard from a friend of a friend who is a close friend of hers that she is getting married soon.What sucks is the part that she seems to be playing the same game with her soon to be husband. Supposedly, she has told him that he is her first man (the same thing she had told me!!). Also, she is supposedly asking her to wear black undies on their first night! The poor guy is clueless and confused about this strange request so he asks this friend's friend and that's how I get to know of all this.
Now, what do I do???? Do I confront her?? But I already feel guilty of scarring her for life. However, it feels wrong for me to keep quiet knowing that she is about destroy this other guys life (who is supposedly claiming that she is his first...I assume he is saying the truth).
Please try not to judge me or go off-topic. But then, I understand, this is the lounge and anything is possible...
Around 10-11 years back when I was I was in high school (yes, those years when I was young, carefree and reckless), I was going steady with this girl. I was supposedly her first boy friend and we had a great relationship. It felt then as if she was my soulmate...the one I would spend the rest of my life with.
We had a great sexual relationship too. She was great in bed and satisfied my every need (back then it was a LOT of need....not that it's any less now). For some reason though, she had this think for men's underwear. She always wanted me to wear black undies. I never found out why but I did not care much either...as long as I was getting some action, I would have agreed to wear neon flashing boxers.
This continued all through high school when one day I found that the whole relationship was based on a lie. I was not her first one and in fact, she had cheated on me many times during those years.
Needless to say, we had a bad break-up. Many things were said by me to her, that should never have been said or heard. Some may call it verbal abuse, but for me it was just sharing what I really felt.
However, this supposedly scarred her for life. Supposedly, she never had another relationship for the next 10 years.
Fast forward to last week. I heard from a friend of a friend who is a close friend of hers that she is getting married soon.What sucks is the part that she seems to be playing the same game with her soon to be husband. Supposedly, she has told him that he is her first man (the same thing she had told me!!). Also, she is supposedly asking her to wear black undies on their first night! The poor guy is clueless and confused about this strange request so he asks this friend's friend and that's how I get to know of all this.
Now, what do I do???? Do I confront her?? But I already feel guilty of scarring her for life. However, it feels wrong for me to keep quiet knowing that she is about destroy this other guys life (who is supposedly claiming that she is his first...I assume he is saying the truth).
Please try not to judge me or go off-topic. But then, I understand, this is the lounge and anything is possible...
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Would you feel bad if someone told you that your soon-to-be wife is using you?
Forget about her. You can't fix the world, let people make their own mistakes and move on
P.S. She's lying about being scarred and not having a relationship......sounds very dramatic, and a girl like that couldn't last very long without the attention of a man.
If he's not, he probably wouldn't believe you.
I think he deserves to know what he's getting into, but I doubt if he's going to believe you if he's in love enough to marry her. Would you believe some random guy that showed up and called your betrothed a slut?
You ruined her life in the past 7,8,10 years (clearly math wasn't your strong subject in school).
Leave her the f@ck alone. Get a life of your own.
If I saw a tornado about to hit somebody, I'd probably tell them to move.
On the other hand, if the person refused, I wouldn't tell them twice.
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For example. A few years back while I was in military housing. There was a neighbor (I didn't know him) but my neighbor friends did. Well they all knew that/caught his fiancee was flirting around in bars and what not.
Well they didn't tell him anything about it cause they felt it wasn't their place...
Long story short. They got married. He went on deployment. She found a boyfriend. She ditched sometime mid deployment leaving his son (so he had to deal with that on deployment which is very hard and stressful and very bad for a military career). When he came home he was in a massive amount of debt, because she had depleted all his accounts and racked up as many credit card bills as possible.
This could have been just avoided if they had told him that she wasn't being truthful/trustworthy...
Back to your subject:
If she is being deceitful now, she will be throughout the marriage, it is not going to change.
Not to mention if the grooms buddies know that she is not faithful or anything they definitely need to let him know.
It is not your place to tell the groom. Since it doesn't sound like you know him directly, otherwise he would know. But you should let his buddies know your story and let them make the decision. Since obviously you are connected to his buddies somehow.
BTW I highly doubt you scarred her for life from your breakup. She was the one that instigated and caused the breakup. It would be one thing if she was completely 100% faithful devoted and in love with you, and you dropped a bombshell that you had been doing girls left and right and that you were just using her and then dumped her... But supposedly this was not the case... I hope.