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Forum Thread

Is my kid crazy?

2,786 1,084 August 3, 2010 at 05:04 PM in Chat
I am at the end of my rope with my 4.5 year old's screaming, kicking, hitting temper tantrums. She's an only child and is so sweet most of the time but when she gets really mad, she's awful. Like head spinning, pea soup awful. I know that it is mostly (if not all) our fault and we need to change out behaviors, too. We aren't consistent and have been too "go with the flow." I try to reason with her but it clearly isn't working. Time out use to work somewhat when she was little but she's old enough to realize that I can't keep her there unless I were to physically force her. It has become a power struggle and I can tell she is doing things to push my buttons.

Is this normal for her age? Any suggestions for books? Does she need therapy? I think I do....
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Joined Feb 2008
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dudeofswim
08-03-2010 at 06:39 PM.
08-03-2010 at 06:39 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
So what is your advice for when this happens out somewhere? In the car? Or in Target? Half of these tantrums occur outside of our home. Then what? Wait until we are at home? Will she still remember what she did and why she is being punished? Or is that expecting too much?
Doubt it. I'd really try something like ... asking HER why.
Script:
Z: Mom I wanna go blow bubbles
M: Its too hot, later
Z: NO ! I WANNA do it now!
M: Why do you want to do it now?
Now see what happens


take this with a grain of salt...just say why do you want that toy? If she can explain it articuletly, she will be learning something and that might be worth the reward of what she wants. Critical thinking skills FTW, If she cant explain it keep playing the Why game... combine with other strategies...
It seems to work... for most smart 5year olds so you know it might help...

I seemed to be obsessed with using the 3 dots ... I don't know why.....
Wink
Let me know how it goes
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Joined Feb 2004
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abeo
08-03-2010 at 06:42 PM.
08-03-2010 at 06:42 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
So what is your advice for when this happens out somewhere? In the car? Or in Target? Half of these tantrums occur outside of our home. Then what? Wait until we are at home? Will she still remember what she did and why she is being punished? Or is that expecting too much?
IMO ...... Stop what you are doing, stop the car, pull into a parking lot, etc. and address the situation immediately. Take the child to the restroom, outside the building or whatever ...... just deal with it immediately before it escalates and gets "out of control". If the child refuses to accept "no" means "no" after your preliminary steps, turn around, go home, and then escalate the punishment until they change their attitude and behavior.
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Joined Jun 2006
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Original Poster
ZoeBoe'smom
08-03-2010 at 06:54 PM.
08-03-2010 at 06:54 PM.
I think that there is a lot of good advice in this thread and I really do appreciate it. I know that our behavior is the root cause, so thank you for helping me understand how I need to respond to her behavior. I think I need to disengage myself emotionally from this and that will help. I also need to stop justifying my decisions to a 4 year old. Maybe "because I said so" is a sufficient answer.
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Joined Mar 2008
doin' what i wanna do
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luckykitti
08-03-2010 at 06:55 PM.
08-03-2010 at 06:55 PM.
my roommate has a 3.5 year old and when he even sees the sign of a fit aboutto happen he asks if big boys react that way and he won't lsten if he doesnt act like a big boy.. and if his kid keeps on going he puts him in his room/takes him home/ takes away whatever it is... it seems to work

Dontknow i'm not a parent. but thats what I've seen happen and work

good luck!! keep everyone updated with what ya find works!!
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Joined Nov 2008
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dreemedayze
08-03-2010 at 06:56 PM.
08-03-2010 at 06:56 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
So what is your advice for when this happens out somewhere? In the car? Or in Target? Half of these tantrums occur outside of our home. Then what? Wait until we are at home? Will she still remember what she did and why she is being punished? Or is that expecting too much?
One of the best bits of advice I ever received was to not be afraid to walk out of the store.

If she throws a fit, calmly explain that you will leave immediately if the behavior doesn't stop. When it doesn't stop, LEAVE THE STORE.

The first time I had to do this I was so so so angry. I just wanted to finish my shopping. I didn't want to leave and WHY couldn't he just behave? Well, because there were no consequences to his actions.

Simple rule.

throw a fit > we leave the store

Immediately.
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Joined Oct 2006
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metoday
08-03-2010 at 07:00 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:00 PM.
Quote from HeyLookItsMe :
ummmm how about the fact that YOU ARE NEGOTIATING WITH A 5 y/o
Iagree

You make the decisions, not her. You're not going to be able to explain things on a level that she'll understand.
Why are you arguing with a 4 year old? (Because that's eactly what "having a discussion" with her about why she can't do something is.) Tell her no and, when she doesn't listen, she gets time out. Consistently. Every time you're inconsistent, you set yourself way back.

Quote from AggieMom :
Go to the library and check out "Parenting with Love & Logic."
Iagree

Quote from FuedWisdom :
Doubt it. I'd really try something like ... asking HER why.
Script:
Z: Mom I wanna go blow bubbles
M: Its too hot, later
Z: NO ! I WANNA do it now!
M: Why do you want to do it now?
Now see what happens
No. She's 4. She doesn't know why she wants to do it now, all she knows is that she does. Ask her that and she's going to say because she wants to. Now where does that leave the mom? Right back where she started?
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Joined Jan 2008
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RefCache
08-03-2010 at 07:02 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:02 PM.
Beatings.

And may they continue until kidlet morale improves.
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Joined Oct 2006
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metoday
08-03-2010 at 07:04 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:04 PM.
Quote from RefCache :
Beatings.

And may they continue until kidlet morale improves.
I was honestly shocked no one said it before you. laugh out loud Especially Mark. I thought for sure he'd have said it.
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Joined Jun 2006
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> bubble2 2,786 Posts
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Original Poster
ZoeBoe'smom
08-03-2010 at 07:05 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:05 PM.
Quote from dreemedayze :
One of the best bits of advice I ever received was to not be afraid to walk out of the store.

If she throws a fit, calmly explain that you will leave immediately if the behavior doesn't stop. When it doesn't stop, LEAVE THE STORE.

The first time I had to do this I was so so so angry. I just wanted to finish my shopping. I didn't want to leave and WHY couldn't he just behave? Well, because there were no consequences to his actions.

Simple rule.

throw a fit > we leave the store

Immediately.
Leaving the store is my response now. I don't want to drag everyone into the drama. It is embarrassing. I have had people come up while she is crying (tantrum) and try to soothe her and I try to prevent that and a worse tantrum by just removing us from the situation. Leaving the store leads to a worse tantrum in car while I am trying to buckle her into her car seat. By then, I am getting mad and losing my cool. It's not pretty.
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Joined Jul 2006
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dzap
08-03-2010 at 07:06 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:06 PM.
Shock collar?


Just push the button to give her a little vibration when she misbehaves nod
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Joined Nov 2003
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HeyLookItsMe
08-03-2010 at 07:07 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:07 PM.
Quote from luckykitti :
my roommate has a 3.5 year old and when he even sees the sign of a fit aboutto happen he asks if big boys react that way and he won't lsten if he doesnt act like a big boy.. and if his kid keeps on going he puts him in his room/takes him home/ takes away whatever it is... it seems to work

Dontknow i'm not a parent. but thats what I've seen happen and work

good luck!! keep everyone updated with what ya find works!!
i think that is a horrible thing to say. kids should be kids and they shouldnt be rushed to grow up and act like big kids. furthermore it move problem away from the kid. I believe it needs to stay "That is not how you need to acting right now. If you continue to do it then XYZ." age shouldn't be a factor and responsibility is still on the child and they learn to own their own behavior.
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Joined Jun 2006
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Original Poster
ZoeBoe'smom
08-03-2010 at 07:07 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:07 PM.
Quote from dzap :
Shock collar?


Just push the button to give her a little vibration when she misbehaves nod
Oh, if it were only that simple. Smilie
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Joined Nov 2008
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dreemedayze
08-03-2010 at 07:10 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:10 PM.
It's hard, I know. It's especially rough when you are absolutely worn out with no break in sight.
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Joined Feb 2004
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abeo
08-03-2010 at 07:11 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:11 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
Oh, if it were only that simple. Smilie
Actually it is ....................... in principle anyway. A dog gets treats for good behavior and a shock (negative) response for bad behavior. If a shock fails to stop the bad behavior and larger and more severe shock is introduced. Cool
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Joined Jan 2008
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RefCache
08-03-2010 at 07:12 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:12 PM.
Quote from metoday :
I was honestly shocked no one said it before you. laugh out loud Especially Mark. I thought for sure he'd have said it.
In most of the respondents' defense I'm from a different age of parenting then most of them are.

Heck my own kidlet is older than most of those in this thread probably!
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