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Forum Thread

How long should you be in a relationship before popping the ?

4,199 164 October 22, 2010 at 07:16 AM in Chat
Other thread about how did you meet and how did they propose made me think of this since I saw a varying of lengths that people were together before the ? came...

What are peoples opinions?

Edit: Thanks brisar for updating the spelling
Well how long do you think?
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redjen910
10-22-2010 at 09:20 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:20 AM.
Quote from veritableqndry :
redjen910 if you & I are both still unmarried when we're 42 then will you marry me?
Yes. Wait. I think you're a lot younger than me.
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veritablequandary
10-22-2010 at 09:22 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:22 AM.
Quote from redjen910 :
Yes. Wait. I think you're a lot younger than me.
Define "a lot" please?
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Last edited by veritablequandary October 22, 2010 at 09:23 AM.
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redjen910
10-22-2010 at 09:23 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:23 AM.
Quote from veritableqndry :
Define "a lot" please?
2,500 days or more.

And I think that was a trick proposal. We can't both be 42 at the same time.
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Maleficent
10-22-2010 at 09:23 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:23 AM.
Quote from Melmo :
we knew right away we would get married. There was no question about it. We married 9 months after we met, and I was 6 months pregnantSmilie
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veritablequandary
10-22-2010 at 09:24 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:24 AM.
Quote from redjen910 :
2,500 days or more.
Scratchchin It's going to be close. My birthday is in July, when's yours?
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redjen910
10-22-2010 at 09:25 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:25 AM.
Quote from veritableqndry :
Scratchchin It's going to be close. My birthday is in July, when's yours?
01/14/1973. Please include appropriate leap years in your calculations.
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veritablequandary
10-22-2010 at 09:26 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:26 AM.
Quote from redjen910 :
And I think that was a trick proposal. We can't both be 42 at the same time.
When you hit 42 you'll wait for me to catch up, duh. Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)

Quote from redjen910 :
01/14/1973. Please include appropriate leap years in your calculations.
Even if there were 16 or more Wolfram says we're good! [wolframalpha.com] Whee
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Last edited by veritablequandary October 22, 2010 at 09:28 AM.

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tresanus
10-22-2010 at 09:28 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:28 AM.
Why does marriage matter? If you love somebody and want to spend the rest of your life with them then how does getting married make that any different? My SO and I both feel that we could spend the rest of our lives together and never get married, the real reason either of us would definitely want to get married is if we were ready to start a family.

Another question, how can you put a time limit on something like that? I see too many instances of marriage then divorce then remarriage then divorce that I don't see the harm in staying together for a long time prior to marriage, we dont love each other any less because we arent married. And whats funny is we actually have the strongest relationship of any of our married or non-married friends.
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redjen910
10-22-2010 at 09:30 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:30 AM.
Quote from veritableqndry :
When you hit 42 you'll wait for me to catch up, duh. Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)



Even if there were 16 or more Wolfram says we're good! [wolframalpha.com] Whee
Yes but what is that in primate years?

Quote from tresanus :
Why does marriage matter? If you love somebody and want to spend the rest of your life with them then how does getting married make that any different? My SO and I both feel that we could spend the rest of our lives together and never get married, the real reason either of us would definitely want to get married is if we were ready to start a family.Another question, how can you put a time limit on something like that? I see too many instances of marriage then divorce then remarriage then divorce that I don't see the harm in staying together for a long time prior to marriage, we dont love each other any less because we arent married. And whats funny is we actually have the strongest relationship of any of our married or non-married friends.
Okay so read the bolded above and my previous reply.
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Last edited by redjen910 October 22, 2010 at 09:31 AM.
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Titansfan1234
10-22-2010 at 09:41 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:41 AM.
Quote from redjen910 :
At 13 months we will be having a "serious discussion" if not before then. The "rush"? I will soon be 38 years old. I've already had one failed 5 year relationship and don't have another 5 years to invest in someone who isn't ready for commitment.

Do you feel any better knowing that I met my BF almost 8 years ago and that we live together?



See above. We have a few friends who have been couples for 10 years plus and still aren't married. That's not going to be me.



Yep. If you're not in love with me in a year and you're not sure then I'm probably not the one.

I think a lot of you have a different perspective because you're a lot younger. Someone mentioned that they started dating their SO in high school. If I was still with the guy I dated in high school this would be our 23rd year. laugh out loud


Your "1 year" policy didn't work out before, so why continue to force it?
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veritablequandary
10-22-2010 at 09:44 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:44 AM.
Quote from redjen910 :
Yes but what is that in primate years?
Less. nod
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Claudia365
10-22-2010 at 09:50 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:50 AM.
I also think that for some relationships getting married kinda messes up the "spark" and that it's unnecessary to live a happy life together. 1 yr is def to short of time to know someone to get married but for some people it works...laugh out loud
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redjen910
10-22-2010 at 09:54 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:54 AM.
Quote from Titansfan1234 :
Your "1 year" policy didn't work out before, so why continue to force it?
Just because my previous marriage didn't work (although it did adhere to my policy) I don't think it had anything to do with "the one year".

He worked midnights (4pm to 4am) while we dated and were engaged (nearly 2 years total). He switched to day shift about the time we got married and then it was easy to see that he had an alcohol problem. I went to work at 4pm and he went right from work to the bar and would drink until 10. Then he'd go home and get in bed and I was none the wiser until the credit card bill came ($1500 of bar tab anyone?). This went on for a few months and I confronted him about it and told him it was not acceptable. He told me he didn't see a problem and he wasn't going to change. So I got a divorce.

In the five year relationship we talked about getting married a lot but my timeframe always got closer and his was always further away. He and I are still friends and have discussed this at length. He said he never really wanted to get married but didn't want to lose me. Interestingly enough he's now almost 40 and has never been married. I'm no psychologist but I'd say there are some commitment issues afoot there.
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ForeverDecember
10-22-2010 at 09:56 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:56 AM.
If you don't know within a year that someone is right for you then you won't ever know IMO.
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veritablequandary
10-22-2010 at 09:57 AM.
10-22-2010 at 09:57 AM.
Whee I'm getting internet married!
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