Joined Feb 2006
L9: Master
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How a cell phone picture led to girl's suicide
October 23, 2010 at
02:46 PM
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Have I made other bad decisions? Yes. Have I been caught for them? Yes. You don't see me killing myself over them.
She was the one pulling all the strings here, yet the last person you want to put any responsibility on is her.
Typically any term ending in the suffix whore is deemed negative, but much like the terms attention whore and drama whore, the term camwhore has been appropriated into comical and friendly usage. No longer a derogatory epithet, the term is descriptive at worst and friendly or complimentary at best.
That's 100% false. It literally *could not happen to me* because I didn't do that stuff when I was 13.
Have I made other bad decisions? Yes. Have I been caught for them? Yes. You don't see me killing myself over them.
She was the one pulling all the strings here, yet the last person you want to put any responsibility on is her.
Instead, it was all blown out of proportion by hundreds (maybe more) other kids, who weren't involved and shouldn't have had anything to do with it. If it had stayed between her, her boyfriend, and a few other people, she probably wouldn't have become so distraught, but to her, it probably felt like the whole world knew and the whole world thought these terrible things about her...and always would.
As we saw from the college kid who just took his own life, even older people make these same "moment in time" decisions, so why would it surprise anyone that a child would make a decision like that?
And why would any thinking adult propagate the idea that she was anything but an experimenting child?
No wonder our kids treat each other this way. Look how adults are willing to talk about kids and the names they're willing to throw around - how they're willing to question the character of a child who tried something out once and got caught.
I'm sure that you three (in my quotes below) were all angelic when you were 13 and never did anything that you could have been embarrassed over, if it had come out in the news. I mean, surely no one with a videocamera could have caught you...oh...I don't know...playing with yourself? Stealing? Playing doctor? Vandalizing? Setting something on fire? Beating someone up? Getting beaten up? Doing something that could have called your sexuality into question?
Just something small. Nothing big.
But it could have been taken out of context and made into something big by kids (and adults) with nasty dispositions, who wanted to ruin your life. Just because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean it couldn't have happened to you.
I've had girlfriends send me pictures. It's a private thing between me and the girl. It takes a lot of trust to send someone a picture. It's embarrassing enough to know that he showed someone.. but for it to turn into the center of her life? That's horrifying. This is a 13 year old girl. Kids don't realize that the intense pain they feel is temporary.
People always want to play the blame game. Let's blame the kids, or let's blame the social worker, or let's blame the girl for not being strong enough. How about we just look at what happened and try to prevent it from taking place in the future?
There are shitty people in this world. It's something you have to learn to deal with. There are also a lot of good people. The good people should rally around bully victims and help them. Everyone has a time in their life when they feel weak.
Instead of doing something about bullying, people avoid confrontation. I'm talking about other kids in this situation. Adults in the school system have a responsibility to do something. The bullies should have been warned. Then their parents should have been called and told that if their child didn't stop bullying they would be expelled. Then the parents would set their kids straight. If not the kids should get expelled.
There's a time and a place for joking. I personally felt sick when I read that her mom found her hanging from her favorite scarves. To then read the thread and see people calling her a whore is disgusting. It's the same mentality the bullies have:
"Oh.. well.. she shouldn't have sent the picture if she didn't want her life to be ruined."
That's just an excuse so you can tell yourself you're not a bad person. My heart goes out to the girl's family. I can't even imagine. All I know is that from now on when I see someone being bullied I'm sticking up for them regardless of the situation. No more picking and choosing my battles. You never know. You could be the difference.
The problem here is that people let emotions get involved with their logic. At 13 I am sure we all made mistakes but the difference here is taking responsibility for and learning from your mistakes. I don't think anyone here thinks the situation isn't horribly tragic and I am sure everyone here would prefer if it could have been adverted. That being said the 13 year old made a huge mistake by sending the pictures out but she made an even larger (exponentially) when she decided to take her own life.
My first thought would be the parenting. At 13 she should have the morals instilled that your "private" parts are meant to be private. What I don't understand is why everyone NEEDS to find someone/something to blame? Why do humans always find the need to take responsibility out of the individuals hands? Either we are capable of making our own decisions or we are not. If we are then we are responsible for the decisions that we do make.
I can not believe the ladies of the lounge have not posted their tatas in a clear showing of support for this poor child. How many lives could be saved if we just make breastessess pix more "the norm"?
It's sad really.
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When I was in 4th grade, I hand picked a rose out of my mom's garden, made a little tin foil/wet paper towel thing to keep it nice, and put it in her desk before school to avoid anyone seeing.
She gave it back to me in front of the whole class w/a disgusted look on her face and everyone laughed at me. They joked about it for weeks and another guy who was interested in her (and popular) got a bunch of kids to chase me around the playground and he whipped me repeatedly w/a jump rope (the kind that has the plastic sections on all of it to make it heavy).
And yet.. I didn't kill myself.
When I was in 4th grade, I hand picked a rose out of my mom's garden, made a little tin foil/wet paper towel thing to keep it nice, and put it in her desk before school to avoid anyone seeing.
She gave it back to me in front of the whole class w/a disgusted look on her face and everyone laughed at me. They joked about it for weeks and another guy who was interested in her (and popular) got a bunch of kids to chase me around the playground and he whipped me repeatedly w/a jump rope (the kind that has the plastic sections on all of it to make it heavy).
And yet.. I didn't kill myself.
When I was in 4th grade, I hand picked a rose out of my mom's garden, made a little tin foil/wet paper towel thing to keep it nice, and put it in her desk before school to avoid anyone seeing.
She gave it back to me in front of the whole class w/a disgusted look on her face and everyone laughed at me. They joked about it for weeks and another guy who was interested in her (and popular) got a bunch of kids to chase me around the playground and he whipped me repeatedly w/a jump rope (the kind that has the plastic sections on all of it to make it heavy).
And yet.. I didn't kill myself.
First off, that's not what I do.
Next, the Lounge isn't lonely for me at all, but I appreciate your caring.
And it may/may not have had anything to do with her parents' teaching, because teaching is only part of learning. Experiences contribute far more to learning than teaching does.
And since I can read his post in the quote, I'll just say that - What happened to you happened once, in front of a handful of people.
What happened to this girl crossed several schools, the Internet, involved her naked body, and involved (what seemed to her like) her whole world over an extended period of time.
Apples/oranges.
Your experience of unrequited love doesn't even compare.
However you CAN control who they go hang out with.
It's called parenting.
Not letting your kid do what they want.
wanna bet that cell phone had gps in it and the parent could track it easily?
not only that, i net it was on the parents account and thus controllable what could and could not be done with it.
And finally, the parent should be checking the phone periodically to see what the child is doing.
it's a child, not an adult. don't treat them like an adult until they prove they ARE an adult.
One day, he tried to pick on MY son, who doesn't take crap from anyone. My son pushed back, and my son was suspended for a day. I was also asked to make alternate arrangements for him to get home from school each day for a few days. The bully? He still rode the bus. I know because I asked my older child every day if the little jerk was on the bus.
It was literally in her own hands. Blaming other people isn't the key.
What type of 13 yr old girl texts a pic of her tits out to her bf?
My peditration told me that there was a new study done and 100% (yes 100%!) of 13 year old girls have low to VERY low self esteem. He was shocked since he has a 13 yr old and didn't think she did. But after talking to his own 13 yr old realized she did struggle with self worth.
You all who are judging a 13 yr old female so harshly shame on you. And I do not say that because it is something I did or would have done. I was way to mortified and had no boyfriends. But I did know girls who let boys feel them up or give them peeks and those boys are very manipulative. They know just what to say and do to get some of the girls to trust them and do what they want. Some girls and boys are more desperate for acceptance and attention than others and that makes them the most vunerable to these manipulators and bullies.
Next, the Lounge isn't lonely for me at all, but I appreciate your caring.
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Teasing hurts, a lot. Go through it every day for a long period of time and it really gets to you. The difference is that her teasing was brought on by her own actions, actions that no 13 year old should be participating in. It doesn't make it right that she took her life, but she couldn't handle it. There are plenty of people to blame. The parents, the teachers, the social worker, the kids, the friends and even the girl.