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How a cell phone picture led to girl's suicide
October 23, 2010 at
02:46 PM
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The only time I've ever used what is considered a "bad" word when I was a kid, I got my mouth washed out with soap.
All I'm saying is that both parents and kids have to be accountable for their actions, which is definitely not the case these days.
The only time I've ever used what is considered a "bad" word when I was a kid, I got my mouth washed out with soap.
All I'm saying is that both parents and kids have to be accountable for their actions, which is definitely not the case these days.
Doesn't mean I didn't sneak out some nasty language when I was at school tho
The problem here is that people let emotions get involved with their logic. At 13 I am sure we all made mistakes but the difference here is taking responsibility for and learning from your mistakes. I don't think anyone here thinks the situation isn't horribly tragic and I am sure everyone here would prefer if it could have been adverted. That being said the 13 year old made a huge mistake by sending the pictures out but she made an even larger (exponentially) when she decided to take her own life.
My first thought would be the parenting. At 13 she should have the morals instilled that your "private" parts are meant to be private. What I don't understand is why everyone NEEDS to find someone/something to blame? Why do humans always find the need to take responsibility out of the individuals hands? Either we are capable of making our own decisions or we are not. If we are then we are responsible for the decisions that we do make.
The best you can do is raise your own children to be good people and to try to influence their friends in a similar fashion.
I know you wish the system was fixed, but how? To think that no other girl/guy has ever sexted something of themselves and had it leaked is naive at best... the difference is that they didn't kill themselves when they subsequently received the hazing/bullying that most likely came in tow w/their actions. If we locked up every kid that taunted another kid, there would BE no more kids in school.
Hell, do you think the girl herself has never said anything mean or bullied another kid in some fashion or another? It happens. The fact that she committed suicide over it is her own fault.
If they can't go to school because they can't stop bullying then they don't belong there. Only the really bad seeds would continue to try and bully when they know it's getting them kicked out of school. They also wouldn't have the support of their followers who are afraid of getting in trouble. Kids don't control the world. We do.
Or blissfully delusional.
Maybe you do know everything that your children are doing at all times, but I doubt it.
And if you do...that would put you in a very small percentage of people who have the luxury of being able to have a stay at home parent.
Personally, I don't have kids, so I'm not going to say it's possible or impossible for you to know everything that your kids are doing all the time, but I think you might be kidding yourself. I also think that parents who think they know what their kids are doing all the time have the most to be concerned about.
My parents were strict disciplinarians. If you asked them, they'd tell you they knew where I was at all times. My mother was a stay at home mom.
...and they did not know...
Not from a very early age.
No, I wasn't doing some of the stuff that other kids were doing, but I was definitely doing things that my parents never DREAMED and wouldn't believe to this day. Not because I was bad. Not because they were bad.
But because I was a kid and kids test limits and get creative, even when their parents are good. It's what they do...whether you think they do, or not...even the really good ones.
My aunt and uncle were missionaries. They were extremely strict. They were extremely involved in their kids' lives. Their children were home-schooled. They rarely got out of the sight of their parents (that the parents knew about)...and yet, my cousin ended up in detention as a juvenile and now, he's in prison. They were good parents, but my cousins wanted to explore and they did, mostly when their parents thought they knew that something else was going on.
If they can't go to school because they can't stop bullying then they don't belong there. Only the really bad seeds would continue to try and bully when they know it's getting them kicked out of school. They also wouldn't have the support of their followers who are afraid of getting in trouble. Kids don't control the world. We do.
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Maybe you do know everything that your children are doing at all times, but I doubt it.
And if you do...that would put you in a very small percentage of people who have the luxury of being able to have a stay at home parent.
Personally, I don't have kids, so I'm not going to say it's possible or impossible for you to know everything that your kids are doing all the time, but I think you might be kidding yourself. I also think that parents who think they know what their kids are doing all the time have the most to be concerned about.
My parents were strict disciplinarians. If you asked them, they'd tell you they knew where I was at all times. My mother was a stay at home mom.
...and they did not know...
Not from a very early age.
No, I wasn't doing some of the stuff that other kids were doing, but I was definitely doing things that my parents never DREAMED and wouldn't believe to this day. Not because I was bad. Not because they were bad.
But because I was a kid and kids test limits and get creative, even when their parents are good. It's what they do...whether you think they do, or not...even the really good ones.
At least they'll have a chance to get help before they turn 18. After that there's no more slaps on the wrist. The "behavioral disorder" defense doesn't work so well in court.
At least they'll have a chance to get help before they turn 18. After that there's no more slaps on the wrist. The "behavioral disorder" defense doesn't work so well in court.
So then you should have teachers who are expected to keep an eye out for bad behavior.
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I personally want to blame the school.
But on the other hand (though I don't know the details of the school in this situation) I think a lot of times counselors and such are not allowed to talk to the parents about anything the student comes to them with. Then again, in this situation someone did apparently try to contact the parents. I guess they just didn't think it seemed important enough to follow up and try again? (Not that it is unimportant - but it looks like a lot of people on here would think a 13 year old's personal issues are no biggie...
I just can't believe how many people on here think that 13 year olds are so able to sort out what is and isn't important.
I wasn't bullied badly - I had one girl who would pick on me. But my friends would ignore me whenever she was around. I was in middle school - and just knowing that people act like you don't exist because of one person, was enough to make me want to disappear. I was certainly not suicidal, but I definitely didn't want to exist anymore. And that was just because of one person. I couldn't imagine the embarrassment and harassment that this girl went through!
I don't remember telling my parents. I am close with them. I didn't hang out with bad kids. They honestly did know everything I was up to. But they probably had no clue how depressed I was. At that age, and in those situations - you just start to feel like nobody cares. I mean, 12-13 year old girls are going through adolescence anyway - so you know their emotions are going haywire. How could anyone expect them to handle something that this girl went through logically?
Even if people want to blame the parents - they could have been doing the best they can. But kids aren't always going to tell them what's going on in their life.
2. I will not be participating in this thread.
At least they'll have a chance to get help before they turn 18. After that there's no more slaps on the wrist. The "behavioral disorder" defense doesn't work so well in court.
The rest of this is not directed at you.
I had a friend in high school who killed herself. Her parents were good parents and it hurts me that people think that the mother of this little girl might not have been a good mother, just because her daughter had "a moment".
I feel like the mother is already distraught and it's just another form of (adult) bullying to say that she's to blame.
I'm sure that this mother blames herself more than any of us could ever blame her.
Also, I don't know if any male can really understand the emotional volatility that is a teenage girl. I've often told my husband that I'd rather face a marauding Mongol horde than a teenage girl.
2. I will not be participating in this thread.
I've blamed you from the beginning.
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Jerk.
If you made me one, I'd wear it with pride, every day!
Carer.
No shit!!! A LOT of kids at that age have low self esteem... it's called being a teenager!
So I guess it's ok for 100% of 13 year old girls to commit suicide because they all have low self esteem?? I mean wtf are you trying to prove here? If anything that just gives more credence that it's her own problem for committing suicide. All these other girls (100% of them no less!) have "low self esteem," yet they're wearing their favorite scarves, not hanging from them.
So then you should have teachers who are expected to keep an eye out for bad behavior.
--------------------------------------
I personally want to blame the school.
But on the other hand (though I don't know the details of the school in this situation) I think a lot of times counselors and such are not allowed to talk to the parents about anything the student comes to them with. Then again, in this situation someone did apparently try to contact the parents. I guess they just didn't think it seemed important enough to follow up and try again? (Not that it is unimportant - but it looks like a lot of people on here would think a 13 year old's personal issues are no biggie...
I wasn't bullied badly - I had one girl who would pick on me. But my friends would ignore me whenever she was around. I was in middle school - and just knowing that people act like you don't exist because of one person, was enough to make me want to disappear. I was certainly not suicidal, but I definitely didn't want to exist anymore. And that was just because of one person. I couldn't imagine the embarrassment and harassment that this girl went through!
I don't remember telling my parents. I am close with them. I didn't hang out with bad kids. They honestly did know everything I was up to. But they probably had no clue how depressed I was. At that age, and in those situations - you just start to feel like nobody cares. I mean, 12-13 year old girls are going through adolescence anyway - so you know their emotions are going haywire. How could anyone expect them to handle something that this girl went through logically?
Even if people want to blame the parents - they could have been doing the best they can. But kids aren't always going to tell them what's going on in their life.
The rest of this is not directed at you.
I had a friend in high school who killed herself. Her parents were good parents and it hurts me that people think that the mother of this little girl might not have been a good mother, just because her daughter had "a moment".
I feel like the mother is already distraught and it's just another form of (adult) bullying to say that she's to blame.
I'm sure that this mother blames herself more than any of us could ever blame her.
Also, I don't know if any male can really understand the emotional volatility that is a teenage girl. I've often told my husband that I'd rather face a marauding Mongol horde than a teenage girl.
.