Joined Oct 2010
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Forum Thread
RETIRED: Marlboro Outwit the West Funny Farm
October 16, 2010 at
01:35 PM
Hi all,
I started this thread for anyone who wants to come here for lite discussion, jokes, and just general discussion and fun.
Everyone is welcome!
I was thinking that maybe it would be helpful to keep the original thread to a bit more of a serious discussion of the clues and answers.
This would make the original thread more useful to those seeking serious information and clues without having to read through hundreds of extraneous messages.
So, I hope it catches on !
So pop a beer and pull up a chair and relax !
[removed notifications]
I started this thread for anyone who wants to come here for lite discussion, jokes, and just general discussion and fun.
Everyone is welcome!
I was thinking that maybe it would be helpful to keep the original thread to a bit more of a serious discussion of the clues and answers.
This would make the original thread more useful to those seeking serious information and clues without having to read through hundreds of extraneous messages.
So, I hope it catches on !
So pop a beer and pull up a chair and relax !
[removed notifications]
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I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,000,000th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers..
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I can no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 14,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbours' ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse...
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
winn bigg
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Good to see you. You're really moving on the inside sounds like. That probably makes you feel pretty good.
I've never been to good on the instant wins but I keep at it. Nothing on Marlboro for a long time here.
Have a lot of fun - be careful - wish I were going with all of you.
http://www.scienceofpa
http://www.scienceofpa
http://www.scienceofpa
Got that right! Dang it I woke up 2 hours early again, thinking when I get there I'm gonna wish I had that extra 2 hours sleep.
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