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Forum Thread

Am I required to disclose this information before having sex?

7,598 277 March 29, 2007 at 05:33 AM in Question
My girlfriend was informed by her gynocologist that she has the human papillomavirus, or HPV. It's impossible to tell who had it first, but I'm most likely a carrier now as well. For those of you who don't know, HPV is a virus that's said to be a prerequisite for cervical cancer in women. Men can carry the virus, but it's nearly harmless for them.

Some HPV facts from wikipedia:
Quote :
HPV is the most common sexual transmitted infection in the United States. In the United States approximately 20-million people are currently infected with HPV about 6.2 million Americans will get infected with genital HPV this year.

24.5% prevalence of HPV among females 14 to 19 years old
44.8% prevalence of HPV among females 20 to 24 years old
27.4% prevalence of HPV among females 25 to 29 years old
27.5% prevalence of HPV among females 30 to 39 years old
25.2% prevalence of HPV among females 40 to 49 years old
19.6% prevalence of HPV among females 50 to 59 years old

In the absence of Pap testing or treatment, about 1% of women with genital HPV infections will eventually go on to develop cervical cancer.

Women who have Pap testing or other cervical cancer screenings on a regular basis dramatically decrease their chances of developing cervical cancer.

A 2006 study of 82 college students suggests that condoms can be up to 70% effective for preventing genital HPV infection if used for every sexual encounter.
Here's my question. Am I required to disclose this information before having relations with another woman? I have a feeling that everyone's kneejerk reaction will be "yes", but please consider the following. There's a huge chance that the woman already has the virus, and if she doesn't already she'll probably get it in the future*. With a condom, she probably won't get it from me anyway. With pap testing, there's a very very low risk of cancer. And quite frankly, I feel that she won't know all the facts and will think it's a bigger deal than it actually is.

Thoughts?







*Genital HPV infection is very common, with estimates suggesting that more than 50% of women will become infected with one or more of the sexually transmitted HPV types at some point during adulthood.[7]

The American Social Health Association projections in 2006 were yet more pessimistic, predicting that about 75% of the reproductive population will have been infected with genital HPV infection in their lifetime.
Would YOU disclose that you're an HPV carrier? (please read the wiki facts first)
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Joined Feb 2005
Entrepierna del Fuego
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120 Minute Man
03-29-2007 at 10:00 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:00 AM.
The pains are different. Getting kicked or hit in the balls is a pain that is different from any other pain I've ever had. Heck, even one just barely getting knicked will have a guy cringing a minute or two later.

I've had stomach problems before with very severe cramping, and while that pain is more sharp, and is very intense, nothing is like the pain from the balls.

If you get a direct hit on the balls, it'll be a very sharp pain right away, but what gets you is the continuous pain for several minutes, sometimes more that goes so deep inside of you and just crawls up your insides to your chest and even neck. It's not fun.
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Joined Dec 2004
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Caydensmom
03-29-2007 at 10:05 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:05 AM.
Quote from *Chrissy* :
I will answer yes to number 1, I know for a fact that I do NOT have the virus, I get a pap every year, I just had one in Jan. everything came back clean.
I just want you to know I have missed you Blowkiss
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Joined Aug 2006
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BrownEyedGirl
03-29-2007 at 10:07 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:07 AM.
Quote from PassionateGray :
I'll make a confession here - I have HPV.

Now with HPV, there are only a few types that actually cause cervical cancer. Unfortunately, I have one of those types. But in reality, if your girlfriend doesn't have that type (don't know if her doctor told her or not) then you shouldn't have much to worry about, because almost everyone has HPV.

That being said... I wouldn't worry about it unless she has the type that causes cervical cancer. Other than that, if you happen to be with anyone else, I would mention it in casual conversation after you've been dating for awhile. Chances are, she already has HPV and it will be no big deal- unless, of course, it's the type that causes cervical cancer.

If she freaks out about it, she (the new girlfriend) is probably too dumb for you to be dating anyways. Wink

If a girl gets the precancerous cells, it's a simple outpatient procedure that will freeze the cells off (it's called cryosurgery). I had the procedure and even though it was a bit painful for me and definitely inconvenient for about two weeks while I was healing, but it was worth it because we caught it before it ever even developed. Still, I am getting paps every 3 months now until everything comes back normally.

I have a great gyno... my other gyno just ignored it when he saw the precancerous cells, saying that they may go away by themselves, but this one said that we'd take em off right away so that way we don't even have a chance of getting cancer.

If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me.
PG, while I applaud you for coming forward, I must say that your attitude of it being no big deal takes me aback. You usually give pretty good advice, but I have a big issue with some of your statements here. (and yes, I realize you said he should tell, which he should)


Don't forget that there are many women out there who do not have access to proper healthcare, have no insurance, and may not have the funds to go to a clinic. It IS a big deal. Just because you came out OK does not mean that someone else will. It's ludicrious to assume that "she may already have it". That does not make it ok, nor does it make it no big deal. What if a person does not have it? What if she gets it right after her yearly check up? She goes back in a year and guess what? Too late, honey, you have HPV (or) cervial cancer. All because (to someone else) it was no big deal because it can be treated and she probably had it anyway. Wow.


STDs are ALWAYS a big deal, whether or not there is a treatment or a cure.

You said:
Quote :
If she freaks out about it, she (the new girlfriend) is probably too dumb for you to be dating anyways. Wink
EEK! WHAT? So a woman who freaks out over an STD is dumb? shake head I'm sorry, but cure or no cure, treatment or no treatment, I want and deserve to know. Once I know, I can make my choice whether or not to pursue the relationship. Chances are, if he waits until they have been dating awhile (as you suggest) they have had sex. Then it's too late.

Of course, no sex before marriage is the best practice, but it is obvious that a lot of people do not do that.

I can't believe that anyone would see this as no big deal simply because things can be removed and frozen and one can get check ups. If anything, going through all that should show you that it IS a big deal. Think of all the time, the pain, the money, the resources that could have been saved. You're lucky you didn't get cancer and die. Cancer is no fun.

It is a big deal. It just IS.


PS


I am not yelling or attacking. I am just kind of dumbfounded.
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Joined Jan 2005
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stimpy
03-29-2007 at 10:09 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:09 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
One point that I don't think people even have realized to it's full extent is that there are many different strains of this disease.

Let's say you have A variety, which is the less dangerous version and your new potential partner has B variety, which is more dangerous. Do you go forward?
Interesting point ... just imagine

Him: Before we go any further, I need to talk to you about something very personal ...blah blah blah I have HPV ....
Her: Well, to be honest I also have HPV
Him: O RLY .... and you were going to tell me this when????? Mad
LMAO

... but seriously, how informed are most people going to be about wot strain is wot? You might think you already have it and then pic up another only to find it's the combo that'll do harm .... either way, casual sex becomes a thing of the past.
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Joined Mar 2006
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~Kimber~
03-29-2007 at 10:13 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:13 AM.
I just wanted to give a big hug to everyone here who shared their personal stories today. I'm sorry that you have suffered and I send you good thoughts for continued good health.
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Joined Dec 2004
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Caydensmom
03-29-2007 at 10:15 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:15 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
I just wanted to give a big hug to everyone here who shared their personal stories today. I'm sorry that you have suffered and I send you good thoughts for continued good health.
Secret we made it to 170 posts without anyone losing a body part....it's been a good day Wink5
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Homefrrie
03-29-2007 at 10:17 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:17 AM.
Quote from thegoalie :
There's a huge chance that the woman already has the virus, and if she doesn't already she'll probably get it in the future
If you were a father, would you be ok with your daughter having sex with her boyfriend if he said those exact words to you?
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lippy_grl1
03-29-2007 at 10:18 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:18 AM.
Quote from thegoalie :
I can understand why people would assume that, but they easiest out would be not to post a thread at all. I was simply interested to hear the opinion of others. and maybe learn more about HPV in the process.

I'm not even sure if the virus is permanent! For all I know, it clears up in men. I haven't read anything about that. That's one of the things I wanted to learn. From a reputable source, that is.
I know in women it is often self clearing...men?
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sassysour
03-29-2007 at 10:20 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:20 AM.
Quote from brisar :
your question is ....

"Required" as in Required By Law?
or Morally obligated?

I think you mean morally obligated.

Let your conscience be your guide and I do think you have a conscience or you would not have thought twice about this or brought it up.

I think you know what you need to do.
I agree. I think you are in a little bit of shock right now, TheGoalie. I know you will do the right thing, or you would have never even brought it up here.
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~Kimber~
03-29-2007 at 10:20 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:20 AM.
Quote from Homefrrie :
If you were a father, would you be ok with your daughter having sex with her boyfriend if he said those exact words to you?
You know..this thread really has me thinking about my own daughter. With just the H's alone: HIV, HPV and herpes...I am terrified at the thought of her becoming sexually active. I am going to do whatever I can to encourage her to wait until marriage..if I have to pay her cash dollars...I will do it.
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Brynn
03-29-2007 at 10:23 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:23 AM.
Quote from BrownEyedGirl :
PG, while I applaud you for coming forward, I must say that your attitude of it being no big deal takes me aback. You usually give pretty good advice, but I have a big issue with some of your statements here. (and yes, I realize you said he should tell, which he should)


Don't forget that there are many women out there who do not have access to proper healthcare, have no insurance, and may not have the funds to go to a clinic. It IS a big deal. Just because you came out OK does not mean that someone else will. It's ludicrious to assume that "she may already have it". That does not make it ok, nor does it make it no big deal. What if a person does not have it? What if she gets it right after her yearly check up? She goes back in a year and guess what? Too late, honey, you have HPV (or) cervial cancer. All because (to someone else) it was no big deal because it can be treated and she probably had it anyway. Wow.


STDs are ALWAYS a big deal, whether or not there is a treatment or a cure.

You said:


EEK! WHAT? So a woman who freaks out over an STD is dumb? shake head I'm sorry, but cure or no cure, treatment or no treatment, I want and deserve to know. Once I know, I can make my choice whether or not to pursue the relationship. Chances are, if he waits until they have been dating awhile (as you suggest) they have had sex. Then it's too late.

Of course, no sex before marriage is the best practice, but it is obvious that a lot of people do not do that.

I can't believe that anyone would see this as no big deal simply because things can be removed and frozen and one can get check ups. If anything, going through all that should show you that it IS a big deal. Think of all the time, the pain, the money, the resources that could have been saved. You're lucky you didn't get cancer and die. Cancer is no fun.

It is a big deal. It just IS.


PS


I am not yelling or attacking. I am just kind of dumbfounded.
After reading her personal story, I also was slightly surprised to see that she had a bit more of a lenient attitude towards it than I do, although I do know everyone has different feelings. I feel for anyone that has to go through any stage of this or any other disease, because as you and I have both stated, it can become draining... physically, emotionally, and it's not free to treat or deal with.

I may be a little harsh in my views, but I just think that one less person that has to deal with this type of stuff, the better.
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Joined Apr 2006
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Brynn
03-29-2007 at 10:25 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:25 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
You know..this thread really has me thinking about my own daughter. With just the H's alone: HIV, HPV and herpes...I am terrified at the thought of her becoming sexually active. I am going to do whatever I can to encourage her to wait until marriage..if I have to pay her cash dollars...I will do it.
I remember the first few days having my daughter home from the hospital. I was terrified. I started thinking about her becoming her own little person, and it had me really torn up. I actually called my mother crying, and apologized to her for any stress I had put her through.

We will do our best to lead our daughters the right way, but knowing that there's an awfully scary world out there, it's not something I like to think about. That's one reason I know we will get the new vaccine. It at least offers a little more protection than I can own my own.

hug We will just have to hang in there. Thanks for your words in this thread, Kimber. I think we have very similar views. Hope all is well!
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Joined Jan 2005
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stimpy
03-29-2007 at 10:26 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:26 AM.
Quote from Caydensmom :
Secret we made it to 170 posts without anyone losing a body part....it's been a good day Wink5
..and just how am I to know that you haven't lost a body part??? hmm?

I think a full frontal would be in order here. Evil Photo Wink .....or I would be willing to do a personal inspection ... just for you of coarse.
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Joined Feb 2004
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lippy_grl1
03-29-2007 at 10:27 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:27 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
She gets HPV from you. She may have different symptoms than you and may get vaginal warts. She may have the same symptoms as you and not know until she gets a pap.
Sorry but if he does not get warts she won't...warts are caused by a few strains of HPV. there are over 100 different strains. Read my earlier post for more info.
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Joined Aug 2006
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BrownEyedGirl
03-29-2007 at 10:27 AM.
03-29-2007 at 10:27 AM.
Quote from ~Kimber~ :
You know..this thread really has me thinking about my own daughter. With just the H's alone: HIV, HPV and herpes...I am terrified at the thought of her becoming sexually active. I am going to do whatever I can to encourage her to wait until marriage..if I have to pay her cash dollars...I will do it.

I have a younger sister, Kimber, and this is exactly how I feel. I am terrified for her. She is an awesome person, and I believe she will wait until marriage. But even then I do not feel like she will be fully protected. So many people take a cavalier attitude toward sex and what goes with it. It's very frustrating, and scary.
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