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Forum Thread

A little story about WHY YOU NEVER CALL!

2,876 1,065 March 4, 2008 at 04:50 PM
Quote from tlegend :
why not
It was supposed to be just another day. The gray, heavy clouds that blanketed the world above had already drowned the world below earlier this morning and threatened to do it again. He took a long, succulent drag from the last of his cigarette; the last of his now empty pack. It fell unconcerned from his emotionless fingers, striking the concrete with barely more then a muffled thump before being crushed under the toe of his shoe.
He let the cold breeze sweep away most of the acrid stink from the caustic smoke he'd just finished. And he calculated with disgust how many of the cars in the parking lot would be hauling around the typical prick, jerk, and trumped up soccer mom bitch that made his otherwise pleasant job a pain in his ass.
"Customers.... assholes." he hissed just before shoving a mint flavored piece of gum in his mouth.

Brandon had spent too many months at his blue-shirted job now to even bother trying to fake a smile when asking the umpteenth blank-faced retard "Help you find something?" He'd always taken perverse joy in making people spend way more of their money on things they didn't really ever need, and probably were never going to use; especially if he could get them to pay more for a shittier brand. "The 42 inch Samsung is nice, but check out this 50 inch Element! Oh, totally, the picture will look much better at home since the signal here isn't distributed correctly for all these TVs."

Some wiseass always came in trying to get a price matched to some ridiculous deal on line, or at some store half way across the country. He'd given up trying to argue with these people, let the manager waffle these people. They'd always cry about the price match policy. Policies... guarantees... who gives a rat's ass. He wished for the day he could look at one of these self-preening pompous pricks and just say "Honestly, corporate doesn't give a shit about that 'guarantee', their policies, or even you! So neither do we. PISS OFF!" But he knew not to step on managements' toes; only they got to tell the masses to shove it.

At lunch he'd thrown on his hoodie and wandered across the expansive plaza parking lot to check in on his red-shirted counterparts. God damn! Some of the betties working there! Why! WHY GOD MUST HIS STORE ONLY HAVE UGLY CHICKS!!?? Brandon refused to spy on his rival store again, if for nothing else it depressed him to know they had hotter coworkers. Instead he day dreamed of the epic, video-game-like battle between red and blue that could ensue, like some scene from Brave Heart; *ring*a PCI card could be sharped into some sort of blade, and pens, *ring* pencils, and touchscreen styluses could be fired from a compressed-air-duster-powered cannon. Mice could *ring*make good maces and nun chucks if they weren't so cheaply constructed... maybe some of the heavier gaming mice... hell, just tear apart one of the shelves and *ring*beat people down with the supports like baby harbor seals.

*ring*

The ringing snapped him out of his imaginary escapade "What the f*ck?! Is anyone going to answer the damn phone?!" he snapped up the receiver, took a deep breath and spoke in a level tone.

"Customer service, this is Brandon, what the hell can I help you with?"

"Uh, hi, ya I was curious if you had any of the western digital mybooks in stock?

Clicking through the computer he noticed that yes, they did have a lot of them. Of course they had them, the moron did in fact call a computer store. Dumbass. "We do sir, can you be more specific as to which model you're looking for, we have several."

"Oh, of course. It's the seven hundred fifty gig. The ess kay you number is 8478701."

Brandon figured playing on the computer was better then dealing with someone on the floor. Maybe he'd put the guy on hold and play some soli...taire... "What the hell?" he mumbled in awe.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"Oh, nothing sir. No sir, I'm sorry, it doesn't look like we have any in stock." he said starting to aimlessly hang up the phone.

"What about in other stores!?!?"

"No sir, they're sold out nationally. Good day sir...."

"But but but!" he hung up the phone as the man on the other end's protests faded from his mind.

In front of him, on the slightly flickering screen sat a set of numbers that didn't make any sense. The SKU number was legit, and showed, that, in fact there were several in stock at his store, as well as others locally, and that was all very normal. What was not normal was the last couple numbers...

Store...........SKU........STOCK......PRICE
E Venture.......8478701....12.........$299.99
West Fill.......8478701....8..........$289.99
Mormoth.........8478701....13.........$79.99
Suszan..........8478701....5..........$79.99


Brandon let a slow smile crawl across his face. Not one of grim humor or malice. But for the first time in weeks, one of absolute unadulterated joy. He had some phone calls to make. He and his friends were going to make a little extra cash flipping these little gems. His day was going to be very, very good...



~Hardwyre
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Joined Feb 2007
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> bubble2 2,709 Posts
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ThatOneNotThis
04-14-2009 at 07:01 PM.
04-14-2009 at 07:01 PM.
Quote from Hardwyre :
You know, people critique other peoples' work because they are unable to create their own. I'm happy I've achieved my life goal of being sexist and offensive towards you.
Rofl2

Hardwyre... I think I have a mancrush on you... in a non-homo/non-butt sex kind of way.

Best story ever dude... Rock on

You and I were prob. buddies in a former life.
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Joined Jul 2008
its Wakeybonez!
> bubble2 1,463 Posts
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Wakeybonez2
04-14-2009 at 08:32 PM.
04-14-2009 at 08:32 PM.
Quote from blt7cd :
I worked at Circuit and I'm wondering where all these hot chicks are that OP spoke of? We never had any. Old people came to Circuit City to shop and college students went to Best Buy. That was the general trend.

It was nice at Circuit City for the last month or two during liquidation because we finally could tell the customer we really don't care. There was no corporate and our managers were out of a job too, so who was to reprimand us? That time period made working there for the last year or so completely worth it.
Which store did you work at? like which store number?
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Joined Aug 2007
L7: Teacher
> bubble2 2,507 Posts
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anni77777
04-20-2009 at 09:22 AM.
04-20-2009 at 09:22 AM.
Wow ok you definately need to be a writer, i dont know of anyone else thought that the story was amazingly written, but im in awe.
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Joined Jun 2004
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> bubble2 31,118 Posts
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vec
04-20-2009 at 09:29 AM.
04-20-2009 at 09:29 AM.
I call just to piss everyone off
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Joined Dec 2006
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> bubble2 1,903 Posts
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Billiam411
04-20-2009 at 09:47 AM.
04-20-2009 at 09:47 AM.
Quote from vec :
I call just to piss everyone off
I don't call, but say I call, just to piss everyone off
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Joined Feb 2007
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> bubble2 2,876 Posts
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Original Poster
Hardwyre
04-20-2009 at 09:51 AM.
04-20-2009 at 09:51 AM.
Quote from Billiam411 :
I don't call, but say I call, just to piss everyone off
Hail fellow Troll! hug
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Joined Jul 2005
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> bubble2 2,026 Posts
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Legolas1717
04-20-2009 at 07:14 PM.
04-20-2009 at 07:14 PM.
Quote from anni77777 :
Wow ok you definately need to be a writer, i dont know of anyone else thought that the story was amazingly written, but im in awe.
It was decent, but I was certainly not in awe. Also, I find it hard to give much credit to an opinion on writing quality that has grammatical and spelling errors in it.

Quote from Hardwyre :
Hail fellow Troll! hug
I've done the same on occasion, but I play it up so it's clearly a joke.
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Last edited by Legolas1717 April 20, 2009 at 11:45 PM.

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Joined Dec 2006
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> bubble2 1,903 Posts
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Billiam411
04-20-2009 at 07:29 PM.
04-20-2009 at 07:29 PM.
Quote from Legolas1717 :
I've done the same on occasion, but I play it up so it's clearly a joke.
laugh out loud "I called all the stores in the tri-state area, then asked if they could confirm the deal with corporate..."
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Joined Feb 2007
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> bubble2 2,876 Posts
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Original Poster
Hardwyre
04-21-2009 at 09:38 AM.
04-21-2009 at 09:38 AM.
Quote from Legolas1717 :
It was decent, but I was certainly not in awe. Also, I find it hard to give much credit to an opinion on writing quality that has grammatical and spelling errors in it.
You're more then welcome to post an edited edition and I'll make corrections.
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Joined Jul 2005
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> bubble2 2,026 Posts
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Legolas1717
04-21-2009 at 04:09 PM.
04-21-2009 at 04:09 PM.
Quote from Hardwyre :
You're more then welcome to post an edited edition and I'll make corrections.
I was talking about the sentence written by the person complimenting you.
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Joined Feb 2007
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> bubble2 2,876 Posts
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Original Poster
Hardwyre
04-21-2009 at 05:21 PM.
04-21-2009 at 05:21 PM.
Quote from Legolas1717 :
I was talking about the sentence written by the person complimenting you.
That requires a lot more work; first I have to stalk her, break into her computer, dig up her account access info, eat some Cheetos, and edit her post; I can do it for three easy payments of $7.93 and one really bitchin' difficult payment of $7.21.
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Joined May 2006
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> bubble2 3,960 Posts
Slickery
07-04-2009 at 03:36 PM.
07-04-2009 at 03:36 PM.
So how much pot Brandon ended up smoking out of flipping those western digital mybooks on fleabay?
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Joined May 2006
Journeyman Electrician
> bubble2 6,977 Posts
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diveborg
07-04-2009 at 04:52 PM.
07-04-2009 at 04:52 PM.
How did I miss this bit of literary work, it's marvelous.
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Last edited by diveborg July 4, 2009 at 04:55 PM.
Joined Dec 2004
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 70,256 Posts
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Schooby
07-04-2009 at 05:40 PM.
07-04-2009 at 05:40 PM.
I did not see this when it was first posted and just wanted to let OP...that I enjoyed the story. Wave Thanks for adding that little something special to your message.
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Joined Sep 2008
КВАДPОСОСИСОH С КОТЛЕТОЙ
> bubble2 2,056 Posts
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GrumpyS133py
07-15-2009 at 02:24 PM.
07-15-2009 at 02:24 PM.
I don't get it.

Who's that Brain-dong in the story?
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