Fark My Life

The FML Code
The Founding Fathers have come together on this day to decide on a code that would be useful and necessary for the site to work properly

Article 1

A new form of life has appeared on earth : a f*** my life!

Article 2

Some of the new FML stories come from the UK or the US, but also from Slovenia and China. So everybody will try to understand the stories even if their way of writing is different from someone else's.

Article 3

A FML story must be written in comprehensible English, even if it is not perfect. The main thing is that it can be understood by everyone.

Article 4

UK and US citizens are excluded from the leniency towards FML-writing mentioned in article 3.

Article 5

Any criticism regarding the style of writing in a FML story (other than spelling mistakes) will be punished immediately by the ultimate insult: "Don't be so picky!".

Article 6

The stories come from all corners of the globe, and some are French "Vie De Merde" anecdotes that have been translated so that non-French speakers can also have fun reading them. This is the reason why this site was created, so that people can share their everyday life stories with people from all over the world.

Article 7

The author of any comment stating that a FML story is a translation of a French VDM will be punished immediately by having to read over Article 6 three times, in order to understand the concepts of 'fun' and 'sharing'.


Amendment: If the author of the comment seems to have honestly misunderstood Article 6 and their comment is written without cynicism, anger or deceitfulness, they will be forgiven - the first time. The second time, they will be suspected to have drunk a few too many of those silly cocktails decorated with little umbrellas.

Article 8

You should never take offence if the FML story you have submitted does not appear on the site.

Article 9

In a comment, any user of the site may politely bring an article from the FML Code to the attention of another user who seems not to be aware of it (they should specify which one, e.g. "Please see FML Code, article n...").

Article 10

The number of articles in the FML Code can be increased or decreased according to the needs of the FML team, their mood, or the number of beers left in the fridge.

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

site is blocked at work
Site Category:Adult/Mature Content

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

In true slickdeals fashion!!

mm?...

Today, I decided that I was bored while I was pooping and decided to paint my nails. I had to wait at least 30 minutes to wipe.

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

Today, as I was bringing my 3 year old daughter back from daycare, she asked me where her dad was. I tried to explain that I was her father, but she answered "Not you, my other Daddy!". I've got some talking to do tonight... FML

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after the party from the night before, which contained lots of booze and very spicy (indian) food. I wake up and notice a small boy on the seat in front staring at me, I smile at him, and then he turns to his father and says: "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

Took you 3 hours to get to the second page?

You're awfully concerned with what page people are on.