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I'm so pissed at DBF anyone care to give insight as to a man's thinking?

2,257 1,117 December 16, 2009 at 07:18 AM in Chat
Background info:
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 07:56 AM.
12-16-2009 at 07:56 AM.
Quote from emelvee :
I mean why did he ask you to remove your ex from facebook but he won't do the same with his ex?
He didn't ask me to remove my ex. He said that he wasn't happy with my ex posting that,that it made him jealous or whatever. I told dbf that i didn't want him feeling like that and that I'd remove my ex from my facebook because I'm in a relationship with him,not the ex,I don't have to make the ex happy I have to make my bf happy and do what's best for the relationship.

She isn't an ex.supposedly she's just a friend.I've never had friends send me naked pictures though so I don't see how he classifies her as just a friend.
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BczIdo
12-16-2009 at 07:56 AM.
12-16-2009 at 07:56 AM.
uh... this sounds like a pretty one sided relationship.

You are still lonely- and you think somehow trying to kick out the chic he's seen naked is going to fix that...
KNOCK-KNOCK, HELLO- is there anyone in there???

Let's see...
You've barely been dating...
He doesn't listen to your feelings- even when it matters.
He doesn't CARE if he's hurting you.
He has other women he's involved with (at whatever level)

Do you REALLY see this guy as a potential mate for the rest of your life?

What did you do to the ex? He's still quoting you from Thanksgiving past? Uh... Again, HELLO- he's still crushing on you. Guys don't pull that crap unless they wanna get in your pants. They don't sit around their buds and reminisce about your quotes of old, you don't rank even on their radar- unless they WANT you.

Do I have guy friends? Sure. They ALL want something- though I'm long married and most are friends with dh... They still want something- usually these days it's my cooking not my booty. (though not saying they wouldn't take that if it was offered)
Dh's girl friends- are MY friends. My friends- operate on 'girl code' where my guys are definitely off limits even with an invite. (believe me- I've donated a few though my girls wouldn't take them). Other than that- his sister and mother are it.

My husband is allowed to receive naked pics from women- yep...
In his own house, while he pays alimony, palimony, CS, and for upsetting me.
OR if they are not human.

If he decides he wants that- not only will I let him do it- but, I'll laugh all the way to the bank. Old men are NOT hot commodities these days.
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Pinstripes
12-16-2009 at 07:57 AM.
12-16-2009 at 07:57 AM.
Seems like she is the backup being kept by the coach on the sidelines until something happens to the Starter

Quote from Jengo :
He didn't ask me to remove my ex. He said that he wasn't happy with my ex posting that,that it made him jealous or whatever. I told dbf that i didn't want him feeling like that and that I'd remove my ex from my facebook because I'm in a relationship with him,not the ex,I don't have to make the ex happy I have to make my bf happy and do what's best for the relationship.

She isn't an ex.supposedly she's just a friend.I've never had friends send me naked pictures though so I don't see how he classifies her as just a friend.
Have you asked him if they ever did the wild thing?
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Last edited by Pinstripes December 16, 2009 at 07:58 AM.
Joined Jun 2007
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 07:58 AM.
12-16-2009 at 07:58 AM.
My gut instinct is to give him an ultimatium,either her or me. But I feel that doing that isn't always the best for the relationship and I'm trying to work on this issue. If I give him an ultimatium then he'll probably just go into defensive mode and we'll end up breaking up.
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J3ff
12-16-2009 at 08:00 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:00 AM.
This is where a normal self confident person says "See ya lata man"

Lovers do not need to be 100% of each others worlds, however if he KNOWS it pisses you off and still does it, that's a horrible sign that he (doesn't) likes you.

Also - it doesn't sound like you two are good for each other anyway if you have all this jealousy - you're not ready for a real thing yet......kick him out, and bang some random guys, try again in a year.
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Last edited by J3ff December 16, 2009 at 08:02 AM.
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Pinstripes
12-16-2009 at 08:03 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:03 AM.
i would suggest the ultimatum and send all of the men posting to your thread naked pics. See how he likes it.. TIA
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Bleacher Creature
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Pinstripes
12-16-2009 at 08:06 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:06 AM.
I have female friends but I do not speak to that too often and it seems like they have an open dialogue. I am sure he doesn't receive any new pics in unkown gmail or yahoo accounts that he set up.
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Drio
12-16-2009 at 08:06 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:06 AM.
If you actually want the relationship to have a future, I wouldn't ultimatum. I'd just explain to him how you feel about it. Revisit the fact that you broke contact with your ex for his comfort, and it would be nice if he did the same. If he doesn't catch the hint.... I'd consider moving on.
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Joined Nov 2009
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bbelly
12-16-2009 at 08:06 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:06 AM.
pretty much, guys like naked women... especially hot ones.

As for him still talking to her, he might be keeping her around just in case he could hook up again.

BUT...

Maybe not because he isn't hiding it from you. If he was hiding it, you should be concerned.
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 08:10 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:10 AM.
Quote from J3ff :
This is where a normal self confident person says "See ya lata man"

Lovers do not need to be 100% of each others worlds, however if he KNOWS it pisses you off and still does it, that's a horrible sign that he (doesn't) likes you.

Also - it doesn't sound like you two are good for each other anyway if you have all this jealousy - you're not ready for a real thing yet......kick him out, and bang some random guys, try again in a year.
The normal me would have kicked his ass to the curb,but I'm 27 and haven't really had a good serious healthy relationship. I never knew what one was growing up in my broken household. I'm thinking that maybe I'm doing something wrong with my relationships so I'm trying to do the opposite of what I'd normally do. I'm trying to grow as a person and hoping I'm making the right moves. Trial and error I guess Dontknow
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M-910
12-16-2009 at 08:13 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:13 AM.
Quote from emelvee :
I assume you have a foot with which you can kick him out of your life.
Quote from emelvee :
Sounds like he doesn't care how you feel. Wouldn't take much more for me. Dontknow
I concur. It sounds like he's the "Right Now" guy and not the "Right Guy" for you.
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 08:13 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:13 AM.
Quote from Pinstripes :
Seems like she is the backup being kept by the coach on the sidelines until something happens to the Starter



Have you asked him if they ever did the wild thing?
He tells me that they haven't seen each other in over a year and that they only talk on FB.
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Sonofabeech
12-16-2009 at 08:13 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:13 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
He explains it as we weren't "officially dating" when the pictures were sent,he didn't request them,she just sent them.
This is completely irrelevant. You are "officially dating" (whatever the difference is between being an exclusive couple) NOW. Tell him if that part of his past is more important than his future with you, then you fully understand - as you then tell him he can have his past with her as his future as well, because you are out of there. (or kick him out if it's your place)


BTW - Is she hawt? I'll need pics to confirm.

mmkthx
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IceWeasel
12-16-2009 at 08:14 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:14 AM.
this is not a good start to a "serious, healthy relationship". i would go back to square one and leave this guy.
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Pinstripes
12-16-2009 at 08:14 AM.
12-16-2009 at 08:14 AM.
Quote from bbelly :
pretty much, guys like naked women... especially hot ones.

As for him still talking to her, he might be keeping her around just in case he could hook up again.

BUT...

Maybe not because he isn't hiding it from you. If he was hiding it, you should be concerned.
But that fact that he is not hiding it then it is a slap in the face especially since he knows it disturbs her.
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