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I'm so pissed at DBF anyone care to give insight as to a man's thinking?

2,257 1,117 December 16, 2009 at 07:18 AM in Chat
Background info:
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
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Joined Jan 2008
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sugarandspice03
12-16-2009 at 09:22 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:22 AM.
Dump. Him.

Life is TOO SHORT to live your life dealing with men who have other women on the side. There are men out there who will treat you right. He sounds like he still needs to mature - if you're looking for a real relationship that is going to go somewhere happy, these sort of things should not be happening.
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Joined Sep 2004
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Gray.
12-16-2009 at 09:24 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:24 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
The normal me would have kicked his ass to the curb,but I'm 27 and haven't really had a good serious healthy relationship. I never knew what one was growing up in my broken household. I'm thinking that maybe I'm doing something wrong with my relationships so I'm trying to do the opposite of what I'd normally do. I'm trying to grow as a person and hoping I'm making the right moves. Trial and error I guess Dontknow
Well this is not a good and healthy relationship either, so why waste your time? He gets jealous when you talk to an ex, yet he thinks it's no big deal to talk to an ex that he had naked pics of on his phone? That's pretty f-ing self-centered if you ask me. Welcome to the future of your relationship where he demands you to act a certain way while he can do whatever the crap he wants.

Srsly, don't waste your time on this tool. Learn about healthy relationships with a guy who is capable of having one.
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Joined Jan 2004
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Iaaaiws
12-16-2009 at 09:24 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:24 AM.
Quote from jj12321 :
That is a good point. However, if she can't deal with these feelings, then I figure most of her relatinoships are doomed. She might eventually find a real submissive dude with such low self esteem that he'll do whatever she says, but who would really want someone like that?

We've all been farked over by the opposite sex. The worrying and insecuirty part of it though is often worse than the actual betrayal.. Look, it's already tearing up their relationship.. So I just skip that step. Be happy, if the betrayal happens, it happens.
No sense in worrying about it.

In all seriousness, I have female friends on FB. If I had a gf that wanted me to delete some or all of them, I would be seriously annoyed and resist.. See, if FB is such a big deal when dating, where does it end? Will she get mad if I smile at a waitress? What's the next demand going to be?

Jengo is going to have to decide if she can trust this dude or not. I hope she gives him the benefit of the doubt, instead of assuming the worst. Believe it or not, most people aren't bad. (Not addressing you specifically, just saying). She should trust this dude and try to have a heathy relationship.

All these questions "HAve you kissed?' "What do you talk about"? "Any more picts?" etc
Those just make her seem very insecure, especially after he's said numerious times they are just friends. It damages the relationship.
I see what you are saying and pretty much agree. But anyone who has ever experienced insecurity on this level knows that you can't just flip a switch and make it go away. The only way to get past it is with a little give and take on both sides and most likely some professional help.
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Joined May 2008
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jj.12321
12-16-2009 at 09:29 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:29 AM.
Quote from Fallacy :
Nice of you to jump to conclusions Thumbup

Show me where I told her it was the "right thing" to get worried and try to stop her BF from having friends please? Can you point that one out for me, as I can't seem to find it... Confused
Quote :
You know the right answer before you even posted your thread. You know what needs to be done and what you should do. You're just looking for people to tell you "it's ok, don't worry, we agree with you".
If you want to split hairs about what you said, I'm not going to argue.


Quote :
My wife has no reason to worry about me, as I have no reason to worry about her. And I'm not or some other horny middle aged guy who comes trolling and begging for pictures from 20 year old girls.


Thanks for playing, come again.
Yes, I'm saying you have a healthy relationship with trust, because your wife doesn't do that.. She's not insecure. Neither are you.
Dude, I'm not accusing you of anything.
I was using you as a role model
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Joined May 2008
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jj.12321
12-16-2009 at 09:34 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:34 AM.
Quote from Iaaaiws :
I see what you are saying and pretty much agree. But anyone who has ever experienced insecurity on this level knows that you can't just flip a switch and make it go away. The only way to get past it is with a little give and take on both sides and most likely some professional help.
Fair enough.
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Joined Sep 2006
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Fallacy
12-16-2009 at 09:37 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:37 AM.
Quote from jj12321 :
If you want to split hairs about what you said, I'm not going to argue.
I made it vague partially on purpose trying to get an answer out of the OP, but yes, you are partially correct with what I "meant" to say.

Quote from jj12321 :
Yes, I'm saying you have a healthy relationship with trust, because your wife doesn't do that.. She's not insecure. Neither are you.
Dude, I'm not accusing you of anything.
I was using you as a role model
You're accusing me of being a role model!

And opps, nevermind me being defensive then laugh out loud
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 09:37 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:37 AM.
I guess him giving alittle would be not talking to her over the phone or seeing her,and my giving alittle would be not saying anything when they talk on fb,if that's their only means of communications. I can't get what I want all the time right? I can't ask him to not talk to her anymore and expect him to do it. He must have a valid reason for still being her friend,maybe I just need to accept that. Either learn to live with it,or learn to live without him. I can't make him do anything,that's been proven before.
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
> bubble2 2,257 Posts
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 09:39 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:39 AM.
Quote from Fallacy :
I made it vague partially on purpose trying to get an answer out of the OP, but yes, you are partially correct with what I "meant" to say.



You're accusing me of being a role model!

And opps, nevermind me being defensive then laugh out loud
When you said this I really had no idea which way to go. It's like being torn in half on trying to decide which way to go. Either go back to what I used to do and dump him (which I'm trying to change) or actually try and make this situation better by resolving it.
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Joined Oct 2006
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metoday
12-16-2009 at 09:41 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:41 AM.
Is this the same guy who up and left you right before you delivered your daughter? All of the things you listed in your previous post make this guy sound like a real winner.

Where do you draw the line? I'm not saying he shouldn't be allowed to talk to females, but lying to you about the other girl and then password protecting his phone right after? How many red flags do you need?
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 09:42 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:42 AM.
JC trying to be a normal healthy relationship is hard. Trying to figure out if you're doing the correct thing for the relationship and constantly wondering if you're doing the right thing. I hate not being sure of myself and my actions. Wondering if something is just gonna backfire,or not be expressed the correct way. Sigh,but I'm trying.
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Joined Feb 2006
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Microtubule
12-16-2009 at 09:44 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:44 AM.
Dirtbag
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 09:47 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:47 AM.
Quote from metoday :
Is this the same guy who up and left you right before you delivered your daughter? All of the things you listed in your previous post make this guy sound like a real winner.

Where do you draw the line? I'm not saying he shouldn't be allowed to talk to females, but lying to you about the other girl and then password protecting his phone right after? How many red flags do you need?
Please don't judge him for that. Yes he is. We reconciled and talked about what happened. I understand why he did what he did,I wasn't the easiest or nicest person to him but I just didn't see it. I had a lot of time to listen to him and see things from his POV. It was both of our faults that the relationship failed and we are taking responsibilty for it. Now we are better and stronger than before. We actually talk about things now and try to make our relationship better. Which is partly why this is so frustrating.
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Joined Nov 2009
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J3ff
12-16-2009 at 09:48 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:48 AM.
It's odd how some people see it so clearly - what to do - what the answer is....

And others will NEVER see the answer.
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Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
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Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 09:48 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:48 AM.
I don't want to bash him,it's not fair to him because he's not here to defend himself or tell ya'll what his POV was. I'm trying to give both sides of the situation here.
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Joined Jan 2004
Here's to the future
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Iaaaiws
12-16-2009 at 09:49 AM.
12-16-2009 at 09:49 AM.
Quote from metoday :
Is this the same guy who up and left you right before you delivered your daughter? All of the things you listed in your previous post make this guy sound like a real winner.

Where do you draw the line? I'm not saying he shouldn't be allowed to talk to females, but lying to you about the other girl and then password protecting his phone right after? How many red flags do you need?
Quote from Jengo :
Please don't judge him for that. Yes he is. We reconciled and talked about what happened. I understand why he did what he did,I wasn't the easiest or nicest person to him but I just didn't see it. I had a lot of time to listen to him and see things from his POV. It was both of our faults that the relationship failed and we are taking responsibilty for it. Now we are better and stronger than before. We actually talk about things now and try to make our relationship better. Which is partly why this is so frustrating.
I remember that thread. I bet there was some serious "contact" with little miss nakie pics during that mess.
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