Slickdeals is community-supported.  We may get paid by brands for deals, including promoted items.
Forum Thread

I'm so pissed at DBF anyone care to give insight as to a man's thinking?

2,257 1,117 December 16, 2009 at 07:18 AM in Chat
Background info:
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
Add a Comment Sorry, this thread is closed.
Reply

279 Comments

View Forum Thread

Your comment cannot be blank.

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
> bubble2 2,257 Posts
1,117 Reputation
Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 10:40 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:40 AM.
maybe there is no right or wrong,maybe I should just pick my battles better Frown
Reply
Joined Sep 2006
IVIodel citizen
> bubble2 19,431 Posts
836 Reputation
Fallacy
12-16-2009 at 10:42 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:42 AM.
Again there is no "right" or "wrong" in a case of relationships, this isn't a car's mantaince schedule which you need to follow. In one relationship flirting is considered fair game for the man and women, in another looking at another woman's ass is considered cheating (sorry XL), in one relationship the couple's like to swing, in another they only have sex mitionary style.

It's what works for you and the other person in the relationship that matter. If it's bothering you, then no, it's not OK.


/done giving real advice which gets ignored
Reply
Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
> bubble2 2,257 Posts
1,117 Reputation
Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 10:43 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:43 AM.
Quote from Fallacy :
Again there is no "right" or "wrong" in a case of relationships, this isn't a car's mantaince schedule which you need to follow. In one relationship flirting is considered fair game for the man and women, in another looking at another woman's ass is considered cheating (sorry XL), in one relationship the couple's like to swing, in another they only have sex mitionary style.

It's what works for you and the other person in the relationship that matter. If it's bothering you, then no, it's not OK.


/done giving real advice which gets ignored
You're not being ignored Max hug Thanks
Reply
Joined Jul 2008
L5: Journeyman
> bubble2 553 Posts
32 Reputation
DAAB
12-16-2009 at 10:43 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:43 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
Sigh,who is right or wrong in this situation? That's the line that I can't see,I can't see if I'm on the stand my ground and don't take it line,or if I'm on the other he has a valid point and maybe you shouldn't be so jealous,or whatever line? If I'm wrong, I'll admit defeat and drop the whole thing. He can continue to talk to her on facebook and I'll just have to remind myself that I was in the wrong and not to get upset with him. I can do that, I've done it before.
There really is no way for anybody (but him) to know. In order for you to be "wrong" he must be 100% trustworthy in this instance. However, that still wouldn't account for your distrust. It really is just a question of if you can get over the trust issue (or lack of) in this situation. If you can then it isn't an issue (however if he isn't trustworthy in this issue then he is "wrong" and you are "right"). If you can't (and he is 100% trustworthy in this situation) then you are "wrong". That's confusing but I think it is very accurate and an unbiassed opinion.
Reply
Joined Dec 2006
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 22,984 Posts
6,520 Reputation
BostonGirl
12-16-2009 at 10:44 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:44 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
That was my first thought BG,but he has said multiple times that he's not attacking me or trying to manipulate me,like my ex did. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and think,maybe he's not trying to manipulate me like that.
But see thats the best tactic, he's playing on your previous insecurities. He knows he can manipulate you just like your ex, and then say you're just thinking that way because of your ex.

What is so important with this other chick that he needs to remain friends with her and why does it have to be so "in your face"...he needs to respect your feelings about it and either delete her, or limit his time chatting with her. It's obviously hurting you, and why would he want to hurt you. Now if it was just some random girl, then ok maybe over reacting a little.
But he even said she was a whore, why would a guy want to be friends with someone like that?

And YES, I understand you love him and don't want to make him look bad and he has good qualities...etc etc. But from this end he is looking like a real POS the way he is acting.
Reply
Joined Jan 2004
Here's to the future
> bubble2 25,141 Posts
707 Reputation
Iaaaiws
12-16-2009 at 10:45 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:45 AM.
Quote from sugarandspice03 :

It's ultimately up to you, but I think this relationship has already started to crumble, and rather than try to hold the cookie together - I'd just go ahead and break it. '

Hugs
Mmmmmmmm cookie crumbs drool
Reply
Joined Dec 2006
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 22,984 Posts
6,520 Reputation
BostonGirl
12-16-2009 at 10:46 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:46 AM.
Quote from Fallacy :
Again there is no "right" or "wrong" in a case of relationships, this isn't a car's mantaince schedule which you need to follow. In one relationship flirting is considered fair game for the man and women, in another looking at another woman's ass is considered cheating (sorry XL), in one relationship the couple's like to swing, in another they only have sex mitionary style.

It's what works for you and the other person in the relationship that matter. If it's bothering you, then no, it's not OK.


/done giving real advice which gets ignored
EXACTLY...in a "healthy relationship" no one needs to feel like shit and the other not care that they are making them feel like shit.
Like Max said, its doesnt matter what a couple decides about their relationship as long as they decided it together.
Reply

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Feb 2004
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 7,467 Posts
abeo
12-16-2009 at 10:48 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:48 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
Sigh,who is right or wrong in this situation? That's the line that I can't see,I can't see if I'm on the stand my ground and don't take it line,or if I'm on the other he has a valid point and maybe you shouldn't be so jealous,or whatever line? If I'm wrong, I'll admit defeat and drop the whole thing. He can continue to talk to her on facebook and I'll just have to remind myself that I was in the wrong and not to get upset with him. I can do that, I've done it before.
IMO, from what I read ...... you are in the right. He is maintaining a relationship with an ex ..... which would be upsetting to any SO. How would he feel if you maintained a relationship with your ex and had *ahem* photos of the ex? I highly doubt he would feel the way he is asking you to.

If he really cared about you, he would have ended the relationship with the ex, long ago.
Reply
Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
> bubble2 2,257 Posts
1,117 Reputation
Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 10:49 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:49 AM.
there could be a million reasons why he wants to keep her around,he could have good intentions or bad intentions. Sadly the only thing I know is he still classifies her as a "friend" what level of friendship I have no idea. She wasn't on his fb until we broke up. He added her the day that Lillian was born. That was a slap in the face.
Reply
Joined Feb 2004
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 7,467 Posts
abeo
12-16-2009 at 10:51 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:51 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
She wasn't on his fb until we broke up. He added her the day that Lillian was born. That was a slap in the face.
Bigeye

I am sorry you are going through this. Comfort hug
Reply
Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
> bubble2 2,257 Posts
1,117 Reputation
Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 10:52 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:52 AM.
Quote from Grizzley :
IMO, from what I read ...... you are in the right. He is maintaining a relationship with an ex ..... which would be upsetting to any SO. How would he feel if you maintained a relationship with your ex and had *ahem* photos of the ex? I highly doubt he would feel the way he is asking you to.

If he really cared about you, he would have ended the relationship with the ex, long ago.
let me clarify. This girl isn't an ex. She's a "friend" of his for many years. I have asked him a few times today if he has ever done anything with her but for some reason (now it could be because we've been texting alot and it just got pushed aside in the moment) he has yet to give me an answer. I found pictures of her on his phone in March. He deleted them. He eventually stopped talking to her,we broke up in Sept,he started talking to her again,added her to his fb account. We got back together in Oct,he still has her on his fb even though he knows that I don't like her and don't like him talking to her,because of said pics and the fact that he calls her a whore.
Reply
Joined Sep 2006
skinny2by4
> bubble2 8,318 Posts
415 Reputation
Me
12-16-2009 at 10:53 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:53 AM.
what's the difference between this thread and the other thread that we cannot speak of which was locked not so long ago?
Reply
Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
> bubble2 2,257 Posts
1,117 Reputation
Original Poster
Jengo
12-16-2009 at 10:54 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:54 AM.
Shutup
Reply
Joined Aug 2009
**********
> bubble2 496 Posts
99 Reputation
mommy2libras
12-16-2009 at 10:54 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:54 AM.
Quote from BostonGirl :
That would be the defensive "I'm guilty, so I'm going to make you feel like shit and turn it around on you so you'll drop it.."
This guys sounds like a real mind farker...EEK!
Iagree
Reply

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Oct 2006
Post-It Princess
> bubble2 8,737 Posts
1,637 Reputation
metoday
12-16-2009 at 10:56 AM.
12-16-2009 at 10:56 AM.
Quote from Jengo :
let me clarify. This girl isn't an ex. She's a "friend" of his for many years.
How many friends send spread eagle naked pics?
Reply
Page 9 of 19
Sorry, this thread is closed.
 
Link Copied

The link has been copied to the clipboard.