Joined Jul 2005
Scarydevil Monastery
Forum Thread
RETIRED: XL_Jockey finally got some
May 26, 2009 at
09:41 AM
July 12, 2010, 3:09 pm: System Notice: This thread content has been automatically archived from another thread which reached post limit, and will be preserved for reference and archival purposes. The discussion should continue in the original thread
In order to prepare the yard for the new playset to arrive sometime in the near future I found out that I was expected to clean up all the branches, including the gigantic pile behind the shed.
Since my wife was outside and I was wearing a tanktop, all hot and sweaty, I realized that I needed to take advantage of the situation and prepare my chances for the evening. Instead of using the branch cutters I started breaking these branches with my bear hands. I'm extremely muscular and hairy. I also used my bare hands and broke several dried twigs.
Then I started leaning a few against a tree and dropkicking them, like the badass I am. I even made sounds like they do in the movies, like "herush", and "fwoop", but I avoided "fwap fwap fwap fwap", at least for now, depending on how the night goes.
I had one particularly large branch, at least the size of a rolling pin. I tried a couple times to break it, but it resisted me as if it was married to me and I was trying to get it in bed for 16 months. So I channeled all my frustration and performed a flying spinning roundhouse dropkick, the same one that Dora the Explorer performed on the soccer ball to get the winning goal in the episode when her team was playing against the dinosaurs.
Well this branch decided to exact it's revenge. As I struck it with brutal force, it snapped in 3. Unfortunately for me the third piece richocheted off the tree and struck me in and about the facial area. I guess you can say it gave me a woody facial. I immediately saw myself from the third person, in slo-mo bullet-time like in the Matrix. I attempted to dodge but the branch hit me squarely in the jaw... actually more semi-circularly. The force was such that it cause me to chip a tooth.
I saw my wife jump up and run inside and I realized that my extreme display of manhood must have pushed her over the edge. She was probably upstairs grabbing some lube already.
No, she needed to find her cellphone to call her sister before she stopped laughing.
I'll get my revenge you branch bastards!
In order to prepare the yard for the new playset to arrive sometime in the near future I found out that I was expected to clean up all the branches, including the gigantic pile behind the shed.
Since my wife was outside and I was wearing a tanktop, all hot and sweaty, I realized that I needed to take advantage of the situation and prepare my chances for the evening. Instead of using the branch cutters I started breaking these branches with my bear hands. I'm extremely muscular and hairy. I also used my bare hands and broke several dried twigs.
Then I started leaning a few against a tree and dropkicking them, like the badass I am. I even made sounds like they do in the movies, like "herush", and "fwoop", but I avoided "fwap fwap fwap fwap", at least for now, depending on how the night goes.
I had one particularly large branch, at least the size of a rolling pin. I tried a couple times to break it, but it resisted me as if it was married to me and I was trying to get it in bed for 16 months. So I channeled all my frustration and performed a flying spinning roundhouse dropkick, the same one that Dora the Explorer performed on the soccer ball to get the winning goal in the episode when her team was playing against the dinosaurs.
Well this branch decided to exact it's revenge. As I struck it with brutal force, it snapped in 3. Unfortunately for me the third piece richocheted off the tree and struck me in and about the facial area. I guess you can say it gave me a woody facial. I immediately saw myself from the third person, in slo-mo bullet-time like in the Matrix. I attempted to dodge but the branch hit me squarely in the jaw... actually more semi-circularly. The force was such that it cause me to chip a tooth.
I saw my wife jump up and run inside and I realized that my extreme display of manhood must have pushed her over the edge. She was probably upstairs grabbing some lube already.
No, she needed to find her cellphone to call her sister before she stopped laughing.
I'll get my revenge you branch bastards!
Add a Comment
Sorry, this thread is closed.
2,444 Comments
Your comment cannot be blank.
Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.
Why can't she just blow me and get past all this crap?
It has also been pointed out that since she refuses to go then he needs to just make an appointment and start going without her. For some reason he refuses to do this and continues to think he can fix things himself.
News Flash--It ain't gonna happen
This has gone way beyond what you two can fix on your own and it is time for some help. If she won't go along then go yourself.
It has also been pointed out that since she refuses to go then he needs to just make an appointment and start going without her. For some reason he refuses to do this and continues to think he can fix things himself.
News Flash--It ain't gonna happen
This has gone way beyond what you two can fix on your own and it is time for some help. If she won't go along then go yourself.
Go and get some help for youself. She's obviously too stubborn to get help, but you could at least put yourself in a place where you're not just spinning in neutral.
Christ. 22 months without sex. And I thought 6 or so with my ex was bad.
And people often post "woe is me" stories on community forums to cover their own arse for when they get caught. I knew a girl that posted on a political forum about an abusive husband all the time. Of course everyone sided with her. After about 10 months of the drama, it was discovered that she was having an affair ... with a man she met on the forum.
It all unraveled after one of the mods started reading their pm's to each other.
A few things from the reading of posts- Porno= cheating....
As I said before I would seek:
A Private Investigator-
A therapist for you both
And an ob/gyn consult for the wife
I don't know how you don't just whip it out one night XL and start rubbing right there. I can imagine the look on her face
A few things from the reading of posts- Porno= cheating....
As I said before I would seek:
A Private Investigator-
A therapist for you both
And an ob/gyn consult for the wife
I don't know how you don't just whip it out one night XL and start rubbing right there. I can imagine the look on her face
Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.
Something like that....
So I played with her boobs for a while instead, and she was fine with that. In fact I think she fell asleep, so I assume she was fine with that.
Baby steps.
And I got 45 minutes of boob playing last night. I think she was awake too.
Can you even walk this morning?
Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.