Slickdeals is community-supported.  We may get paid by brands for deals, including promoted items.
Forum Thread

Is my kid crazy?

2,786 1,084 August 3, 2010 at 05:04 PM in Chat
I am at the end of my rope with my 4.5 year old's screaming, kicking, hitting temper tantrums. She's an only child and is so sweet most of the time but when she gets really mad, she's awful. Like head spinning, pea soup awful. I know that it is mostly (if not all) our fault and we need to change out behaviors, too. We aren't consistent and have been too "go with the flow." I try to reason with her but it clearly isn't working. Time out use to work somewhat when she was little but she's old enough to realize that I can't keep her there unless I were to physically force her. It has become a power struggle and I can tell she is doing things to push my buttons.

Is this normal for her age? Any suggestions for books? Does she need therapy? I think I do....
Add a Comment
Reply

146 Comments

View Forum Thread

Your comment cannot be blank.

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Mar 2008
doin' what i wanna do
> bubble2 3,441 Posts
1,055 Reputation
luckykitti
08-03-2010 at 07:12 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:12 PM.
Quote from HeyLookItsMe :
i think that is a horrible thing to say. kids should be kids and they shouldnt be rushed to grow up and act like big kids. furthermore it move problem away from the kid. I believe it needs to stay "That is not how you need to acting right now. If you continue to do it then XYZ." age shouldn't be a factor and responsibility is still on the child and they learn to own their own behavior.

anyone else want to weigh in on the tactic i mentioned above? because the way this response is worded makes me wonder who made you the god of parenting
Reply
Joined Nov 2005
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 17,745 Posts
1,470 Reputation
SlickChik
08-03-2010 at 07:16 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:16 PM.
I'm guessing your responses must be pretty fun for her to watchlaugh out loud I'd have to see it to really know, but I'm guessing she really like tantrums in public places because she has more control there.Pretend not to be phased, almost robotic. Do not let her see your frustration or fear. Use an authoritative, calm voice no matter what.
Reply
Joined Nov 2003
The original gay....
> bubble2 8,038 Posts
649 Reputation
HeyLookItsMe
08-03-2010 at 07:17 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:17 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
Leaving the store is my response now. I don't want to drag everyone into the drama. It is embarrassing. I have had people come up while she is crying (tantrum) and try to soothe her and I try to prevent that and a worse tantrum by just removing us from the situation. Leaving the store leads to a worse tantrum in car while I am trying to buckle her into her car seat. By then, I am getting mad and losing my cool. It's not pretty.
being embarassed is part of YOUR problem. dont be. Everyone understands that kids are kids. People get mad and frustrated when ill behaving kids are left to the own vices and start yelling and screaming in a store and the parents dont do anything. This doesnt mean the parents give in to the kid but walking out of the store is always an option.
Reply
Joined Jun 2006
L7: Teacher
> bubble2 2,786 Posts
1,084 Reputation
Original Poster
ZoeBoe'smom
08-03-2010 at 07:18 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:18 PM.
Quote from luckykitti :
anyone else want to weigh in on the tactic i mentioned above? because the way this response is worded makes me wonder who made you the god of parenting
I don't agree. While I am in no rush for her to grow up before she is ready and admittedly "shelter" her by restricting TV, radio, clothing, etc....she is not a baby and she should act like the big girl that she is.
Reply
Joined Nov 2005
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 17,745 Posts
1,470 Reputation
SlickChik
08-03-2010 at 07:18 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:18 PM.
Quote from luckykitti :
anyone else want to weigh in on the tactic i mentioned above? because the way this response is worded makes me wonder who made you the god of parenting
I don't think convincing a kid that they should act like a "big kid" is making them grown up to fast. I think, used correctly, is a fun way to set age appropriate expectations. It works for kids and they usually feel very proud to make the big kid choice.
Reply
Joined Jun 2006
L7: Teacher
> bubble2 2,786 Posts
1,084 Reputation
Original Poster
ZoeBoe'smom
08-03-2010 at 07:20 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:20 PM.
Quote from SlickChik :
I'm guessing your responses must be pretty fun for her to watchlaugh out loud I'd have to see it to really know, but I'm guessing she really like tantrums in public places because she has more control there.Pretend not to be phased, almost robotic. Do not let her see your frustration or fear. Use an authoritative, calm voice no matter what.
Exactly. She has learned our buttons and stomps on them. I was blind to this for a long time, that kids are that manipulative. But they are and she IS!
Reply
Joined Sep 2009
L5: Journeyman
> bubble2 990 Posts
1,108 Reputation
TxMRx3
08-03-2010 at 07:21 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:21 PM.
Quote from RefCache :
Beatings.

And may they continue until kidlet morale improves.
laugh out loud I love that saying Big Grin

I have 3 kids myself (my two are just hitting that stage) and my oldest threw a couple a fits like that at home NEVER in the store because she learned real early that I would just leave the store and she would get nothing. I had a hard time with consistency as well. My husband is in the navy and is gone a lot, so he likes to spoil her even when she is being bad. I can't blame him but it makes my job harder. I just ignored her fits and she eventually stopped them. Its hard when your busy (i know) but sometimes you have to slow down and fix it. There is still time. hang in there
Reply
Last edited by TxMRx3 August 3, 2010 at 07:25 PM.

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Nov 2005
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 17,745 Posts
1,470 Reputation
SlickChik
08-03-2010 at 07:22 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:22 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
Exactly. She has learned our buttons and stomps on them. I was blind to this for a long time, that kids are that manipulative. But they are and she IS!
I do behavior modification for a living....I know exactly how manipulative they can be laugh out loud
Reply
Joined Dec 2009
バカ
> bubble2 4,467 Posts
915 Reputation
Web Dev
cgrady | Staff
08-03-2010 at 07:23 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:23 PM.
HeyLook is overreacting by far - there's nothing wrong with trying to encourage more mature behavior.
Reply
Joined Nov 2003
The original gay....
> bubble2 8,038 Posts
649 Reputation
HeyLookItsMe
08-03-2010 at 07:29 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:29 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
I don't agree. While I am in no rush for her to grow up before she is ready and admittedly "shelter" her by restricting TV, radio, clothing, etc....she is not a baby and she should act like the big girl that she is.
but the point is she IS acting her age... hence the reason to stay away from the whole age thing. stick with keeping the responsibility for her behavior on her and leave age out of it. age is something she cannot control, her behavior is.
Reply
Joined Jul 2006
CDI gave me free netflix!
> bubble2 51,186 Posts
11,206 Reputation
dzap
08-03-2010 at 07:29 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:29 PM.
Quote from ZoeBoe'smom :
Oh, if it were only that simple. Smilie
Quote from Tacoma :
Actually it is ....................... in principle anyway. A dog gets treats for good behavior and a shock (negative) response for bad behavior. If a shock fails to stop the bad behavior and larger and more severe shock is introduced. Cool
Quote from SlickChik :
I'm guessing your responses must be pretty fun for her to watchlaugh out loud I'd have to see it to really know, but I'm guessing she really like tantrums in public places because she has more control there.Pretend not to be phased, almost robotic. Do not let her see your frustration or fear. Use an authoritative, calm voice no matter what.
Exactly! It is that simple! Follow Caesar Milan's/SlikChik's advice.

This is great advice her for the child. Two fingers to nip the child on the neck..and let her know that you are DOMINANT.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155251

Here's what SlikChik was talking about..
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155253

And here's the positive reinforcement technique Tacoma was mentioning..
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155254
..only reward the child, when she is in a calm, submissive behavior..

.. remember..you're not being aggressive..you're being DOMINANT.

OH yes and one more...
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155255
Don't reason with it, (the child), Don't argue with it, just DOMINATE it. nod
Reply
Last edited by dzap August 3, 2010 at 07:32 PM.
Joined Nov 2003
The original gay....
> bubble2 8,038 Posts
649 Reputation
HeyLookItsMe
08-03-2010 at 07:32 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:32 PM.
Quote from cgrady :
HeyLook is overreacting by far - there's nothing wrong with trying to encourage more mature behavior.
I never said dont encourage more mature behvior, what i am however saying is that age is something a child cant control but how they are acting is something they can control. I personally dont believe that encouraging a kid to "act" in a certain way is productive where teaching them to behave in a certain manner is. (the difference being the kid is acting their age because they are their age and they are acting the way they know how.)
Reply
Joined Oct 2007
No.
> bubble2 4,980 Posts
378 Reputation
damsel.
08-03-2010 at 07:32 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:32 PM.
I think telling a child to act like a big kid is perfectly acceptable. It makes them feel good about themselves and definitely encourages mature behavior. It's not like you're forcing the kid to act like an adult, which is much more extreme.
Reply
Joined Nov 2005
L10: Grand Master
> bubble2 17,745 Posts
1,470 Reputation
SlickChik
08-03-2010 at 07:34 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:34 PM.
Quote from dzap :
Exactly! It is that simple! Follow Caesar Milan's/SlikChik's advice.

This is great advice her for the child. Two fingers to nip the child on the neck..and let her know that you are DOMINANT.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155251

Here's what SlikChik was talking about..
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155253

And here's the positive reinforcement technique Tacoma was mentioning..
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155254
..only reward the child, when she is in a calm, submissive behavior..

.. remember..you're not being aggressive..you're being DOMINANT.

OH yes and one more...
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155255
Don't reason with it, (the child), Don't argue with it, just DOMINATE it. nod

I'm glad you see my point!
Reply

Sign up for a Slickdeals account to remove this ad.

Joined Jun 2006
L7: Teacher
> bubble2 2,786 Posts
1,084 Reputation
Original Poster
ZoeBoe'smom
08-03-2010 at 07:34 PM.
08-03-2010 at 07:34 PM.
Quote from HeyLookItsMe :
but the point is she IS acting her age... hence the reason to stay away from the whole age thing. stick with keeping the responsibility for her behavior on her and leave age out of it. age is something she cannot control, her behavior is.
So you think 100% of a 4 year old's behavior is appropriate for that age? Because I can tell you that I am 31 and I sometimes forget my age and revert to inappropriate behavior. Obviously, I am arguing with a child. You don't think that kids sometimes revert to younger, inappropriate behavior? Asking a young child to act like a big girl isn't asking her to grow up to fast. I am asking her to stop crying, pointing, and grunting and use words to express what she wants or needs.
Reply
Page 3 of 10
Start the Conversation
 
Link Copied

The link has been copied to the clipboard.