RETIRED The Official VS, Beauty & more Thread

i know. i am totally leaning towards the overwater bungalows, at least for a part of the trip. i just need to figure out where...

i think dbf works his reverse psychology on me. i.e. when i was wedding dress shopping, he told me i could buy anything i wanted. that in turn made me not want to spend that much. :cra zy:

you guys will be fine - just work your magic on him and slowly he will come to. it is annoying when people around you have parents who spoil them. i've gotten really annoyed with a friend once because he was bragging about how much he saved last year (which is awesome, really, but do you really need to brag about it?) and i'm thinking, he didn't have to pay rent for half the year after he moved home. i can't exactly commute from my parents' place like he can! :s hake: i know, that's not the same thing, and i know a lot of people who have gotten houses handed down to them from their parents so they can blow their salaries on chanel bags and gucci watches. i just try not to compare too much - having to actually work for your house makes you appreciate it more. at least that's how i look at it.

how old are they? that is really lucky... he's too nice to his family. i'm glad dbf has the same policy of gift-giving as me (or actually they are even worse) - he and his family don't do presents, for bdays or xmas. i think his mom would yell at him if he bought her something. while my family's not *as* bad (my mom likes to buy me presents) it's still nice we're on the same page. i love presents, but i hate having to buy presents for xmas. it's annoying, bc i feel like i'm wasting money having that xmas deadline. things are so much cheaper after xmas! an ex once bought some hand scrub at bbw for his mom for mothers day. i liked it so i told him it was a nice scrub. but i got mine at 50% off during a sale. he bought it full price at $25. :fain t: i was so annoyed. i know my mom wouldn't care if i wanted to give her a present but it came a little late - she would appreciate that i saved $12.50 by waiting. i guess his family didn't work that way... obviously that relationship didn't work out.

:no d: Yeah, its a rough road that way if you decide to go to grad school after undergrad while your friends start their new jobs and talk about trips and cars... I've always been frugal so I was used to denying myself things. Things were better when I got married, since DH has a "real job" But yes- we had to figure out the finances. He comes from that buy without price checking, buy whatever they put a new feature on school of thought It was a big point of contention, but we both compromised eventually. Now I buy things that I actually like, as opposed to what is cheap and DH runs his purchases by me so we don't end up with 4 camera bags or MP3 players again If both parties are willing to compromise, even if it's just a little, there's a solution to be found

Although, once you compare to others for savings, he can compare to others for spending so it might not be your strongest angle in the finance battle. Just calculate for him what 20% down on a house or condo looks like in SoCal... I bet his tune will change. DH used to say that I was hoarding money , but what a problem to have?! He was right though, I needed to ease up and be willing to spend on things that I really wanted. Meanwhile I got him to put an equal amount of $$ in savings, that he was spending on electronics & guitars. He doesn't do that anymore, but he was much more aware of the $$ when things "cost" him twice as much. :ev il:

yall, for us, giving to family is the normal. after one graduates from college, and there are still younger siblings in school, that one is "expected" to help out. it's not a must, but it's expected :l ol:

also, i'm thankful we don't have student loans. the parents pay for school. and during my time, when you study, you just study, no work. i guess it is becoming more common now to have working students.

My parents paid for school, and I wasn't expected to work. They always said school was my work. I did work some in the summer. Just out of boredom.

sample is on walmart too. here's the link [startsampling.com] from walmart.

Yeah! Good idea, just do the bungalows at least for a few days! I showed that link to DBF and he commented about how people at work have been to the Bora Bora ones and talk about it all the time, looks like you won't strike out if you do that one!

Yes and yes to what you said about your friends and I sure how that's how I feel about a house in the future. Instead, I just hear things from my DBF like it's going to be hard, blah blah blah and he makes it sound impossible.

His sisters are in their early to mid 20s. All dragging their feet through college. I don't have a problem with their schooling or whatever because their parents don't have the money to pay for them so they can take as long they want, but seriously, they wanted him to COSIGN their loans. Thank goodness he didn't have any of that, at least that's what I'm aware of. I have no problem if he's giving them $100 each each month to help them PUT TOWARDS their loans, but nope, they're out partying, going to Cabo and stuff

I think I'm just going to tell DBF to put money he would've spent for me on presents dictated by holidays away into saving for our future. Many times, I tell him I don't want anything, and things still magically appear. I don't mind random gifting, but dictated by holidays, now that's annoying AND COSTLY. When I gift to my family, they don't appreciate, so whatever, I don't anymore, and plus, I'd rather just get something they like randomly.
...
Weird, it goes to Walmart's home page. I guess they're finding ways to curb the passing samples along stuff.

WANT!!!!

Bet mine doesn't have them We don't have a MLB team here, but I'll always my tigers!

Yeah! Good idea, just do the bungalows at least for a few days! I showed that link to DBF and he commented about how people at work have been to the Bora Bora ones and talk about it all the time, looks like you won't strike out if you do that one!

Yes and yes to what you said about your friends and I sure how that's how I feel about a house in the future. Instead, I just hear things from my DBF like it's going to be hard, blah blah blah and he makes it sound impossible.

His sisters are in their early to mid 20s. All dragging their feet through college. I don't have a problem with their schooling or whatever because their parents don't have the money to pay for them so they can take as long they want, but seriously, they wanted him to COSIGN their loans. Thank goodness he didn't have any of that, at least that's what I'm aware of. I have no problem if he's giving them $100 each each month to help them PUT TOWARDS their loans, but nope, they're out partying, going to Cabo and stuff

I think I'm just going to tell DBF to put money he would've spent for me on presents dictated by holidays away into saving for our future. Many times, I tell him I don't want anything, and things still magically appear. I don't mind random gifting, but dictated by holidays, now that's annoying AND COSTLY. When I gift to my family, they don't appreciate, so whatever, I don't anymore, and plus, I'd rather just get something they like randomly.

My parents expected the same of me and I asked my brother if he wanted money. I was more than happy to give him some money, but I put a condition on it, as long as he doesn't spend it on car stuff. Then he declined. I'm not giving him money to put into his hobby when he should be focusing on school.

He never had to work through school. I think he got his undergrad paid off by my parents, and they're helping him with grad school, but I had to work through school and I had to pay off my partial undergrad and any money I had mostly went to supporting myself through college. So in this family, as in most Asian families, there is a basis towards boys in the family. And of course, I'm not going to get any help with grad school because what I'm going for doesn't have "Doctor" indicated in the title anywhere.

awww that must be super difficult for you to deal with. i think it's nice to be able to have a good time in college and not be totally limited in social activities because you can't afford it. i'm not sure about cabo and partying. that might be a bit much.

for me, like kurpee and liggy my parents paid for my school (well, i got a lot of it paid by the school so luckily i didn't have a lot of loans or fees) but i insisted on working even though my parents told me not to. i needed the structure/discipline. i made peanuts, but it was nice to have a little additional income. i grew up extremely poor, so college was when i learned about money - i admit i was not always very wise, and splurged on some things i never should have. i was never in debt tho, like some people i hear about.

i can't believe your parents paid for your brother and not you - that's awful! my parents were very fair about things like that.

Detroit?

We have talked about what a 20% will look like and he says he can't do it and it's going to take forever. Again - WTF. Then he tells me I have no idea how his finances are, etc...And he's comfortable living in an apartment, but I'm not. To me, if we're married and living in an apartment, seems like failure to me. I know it's drastic, but I have pets that don't belong in an apartment, so that's not doable. So he said he's unwilling to cut his comfort level slightly for the bigger picture. He feels like he's compromising enough by moving down because it's soo much more expensive here, but people on 1/3 of his salary can live okay here. I guess because his parents never lit a fire under his booty when he was growing up (he's just used to goofing off all the time without restraint), he's not used to the fact that I am. The only way I think I'll win is just show him with my actions. Plus, maybe take your idea about things costing "twice" as much.

I sawthis [bebe.com] and thought it might look cute on you!!

I cut out the sister's allowance as soon as he puts a ring on it. SOunds like they need to grow up.

I'm from a Chinese household too. My parents did pay for both my undergrad as well as my older bro's degree. We weren't required to work during school, but we each had random part-time jobs here and there...especially during the summer lulls. However, I did take a full year off during college to work FT, so by the end of undergrad, I was able to contribute to my car payments and loans. Happy to say that my loans are all paid off right now. I don't ever want to accrue so much debt again!

My mom is more progressive than my dad. Where she is very supportive of what I want to do career/education-wise...my dad has literally said to me (when I told him that I was going to pursue another degree) "what's the point? you're a girl, what do you need all that learning for?" There is no point trying to reason with him either.

It's nice to be able to have a good time in college...but I think it can get out of hand very quickly. I admittedly spent my first year of college just messing around and partying all the time.
Everyone is different though and some college freshmen are incredibly mature and focused by the time they get there. For others, it takes a while to find their footing. When I went back to school the second time, I actually found myself wanting to achieve that 4.0 every semester. Live and learn!

You'll want a house, especially after you have kids. He needs to be open about his finances before yall marry. I'd hate for him to be hiding some type of debt from you. What's he going to do when yall have kids? They are expensive.

Exactly, even though I don't want kids and he does, but that's another discussion in itself. Might sound selfish but I just want to go in and see where it is that's taking him forever to pay off his school loans. But for real, I agree with needing to be open about finances. It's just such a touchy subject with him and he gets defensive. Le sigh.

awww that must be super difficult for you to deal with. i think it's nice to be able to have a good time in college and not be totally limited in social activities because you can't afford it. i'm not sure about cabo and partying. that might be a bit much.

for me, like kurpee and liggy my parents paid for my school (well, i got a lot of it paid by the school so luckily i didn't have a lot of loans or fees) but i insisted on working even though my parents told me not to. i needed the structure/discipline. i made peanuts, but it was nice to have a little additional income. i grew up extremely poor, so college was when i learned about money - i admit i was not always very wise, and splurged on some things i never should have. i was never in debt tho, like some people i hear about.

i can't believe your parents paid for your brother and not you - that's awful! my parents were very fair about things like that.

good idea on telling ur dbf to not spend so much on your presents. he does seem to like to send you stuff a lot, at least from what i gather on fb. all that adds up! and yes, it does seem impossible to save up for a house in so cal. the houses where i want to live pretty much start at 1M (for like a small 2 or 3 bdrm house). obviously we can't afford that and probably never will. it's pretty sad. i am torn bc in order to buy a more comfortable house, we'll have to move further out, and i don't want to commute! i am being stubborn. i figure we're fine in an apt as long as we don't have kids (we don't have any pets tho - it's harder when you have dogs kuz they need the space). we probably should buy a condo tho - we'll probably do that after the wedding. even a condo around here will run about 1/2 a mil. so cal housing prices are so stupid!

oh, and i fixed the link.

I hope that isn't a bad sign with him getting defensive. Sounds like he's kind of stuck in that bachelor mindset. He needs to shake that off.

Awwww sorry to hear that, I hope you work it out.

hope things work out.

Hope everything is OK

Hope it all works out!

Good catch on the terms! Hope all gets worked out with your DBF.

I hope it all worked out.

This is awesome. I need to look for one. It takes about 45 minutes to dry my hair completely. That's the reason it rarely gets curled. I just let it air dry on the go.

I'm opposed to the idea of a car payment too. It is exciting to get a new car though. People are just happy for you to have gotten yourself a car you can depend on.

New VS knockout Bra looks really pretty on site pics.
I am tempted to buy some

I sawthis [bebe.com] and thought it might look cute on you!!

Aww...you all are the best. We are fine now. What happened was...

I was to drop my car off yesterday by 8am to have some minor imperfections fixed. He was to meet me there at 8am. We had talked about it for days. The previous night we talked about it and what we were going to do afterwards (breakfast, pedicure, etc.). That morning I was VS shopping and was behind scheduled. I was going to call him when I got into the car, but then I said I will wait until I am at a red light. So I did not realize that I left my cell phone home until I was almost to the service center. At that time, I believed he would show up because we had just talked about it. Well, he did not show up. So I rescheduled my appointment and went home. I called him, and we got into an argument. I know it was partially my fault for leaving my phone home, but I felt he should have still come because that was the plan. Why did he need another confirmation? We were not going to agree, so I just stopped talking. He said that he was on his way to my home. I really did not want to see him, and I would not talk to him initially. The silent treatment only lasted a few minutes, and later in the day I announced that I had forgiven him. He just looked at me like he did not do anything wrong.

We have similar ways of dealing with each other. When we went to the movies, I was online on my phone. He was upset about it and kinda shut down. So I finished what I was doing and told him that I was not going to allow him to be upset about it. It took less than five minutes to turn him back on my side. I must be growing because any other guy would have been cut off.

I see why you got upset. Him not showing up would have made me mad too.

That is what I am saying!!! He did not need ANOTHER confirmation.