How to Host an Inexpensive Wedding

I just went to a gay wedding & it turned out shitty because it was outside & it rained. also the parking lot field was a cow pasture & another mess. The field was unlit & dark when everyone was leaving (because of the rain) so I had to throw my shoes in the back of my x5 & drive home barefooted.

I'm really not sure of these sorts of things, because I don't belong to a church, but I was under the impression that they don't charge you much but may be expecting a sizable donation.

a few thoughts from someone who has attended 60+ weddings as a photographer and talked to a bunch of caterers/DJs/servers/couples involved in them.

if your bride doesn't respond well to stress and won't deal well with having to make hard decisions (or not getting the wedding she's planned because of you having to make those decisions) on that day, an outdoor wedding is not for her, period.

outdoor weddings don't usually cost significantly less unless you can get the land for free and go cheap on the food. a good percentage of wedding venues have in-house kitchens and/or agreements with specific caterers that will save you a good chunk over "retail", tables/chairs/settings that will be less than going through a third party, waitstaff that will likely come with the venue rental fee, etc. and, as you have found, there are a bunch of extra costs like lighting, restrooms, and shelter.

music/MC is a good place to save some money as long as you have a friend who knows what they're doing. in fact, the best MC jobs i've seen were by family friends who knew all the inside jokes and stories of the families/couple. again, any decent venue is going to have a sound system and a microphone, but if you have a remote/outdoor wedding, you'll have to find a PA system or hire someone with one. you'll also need to set up a stable dance floor since even the best turf becomes dirt after an hour of dancing and heels sink in soil.

i've yet to hear of a couple who was able to sell a significant portion of their post-wedding stuff on CL or elsewhere. i think most couples are so specific in what they want that it's hard to match up buyers/sellers, and i'm sure there's some hesitance to buy used stuff for arguably the most important celebration of a person's life.

you two need to decide what you're going to give up for real savings. you can shave a couple hundred bucks off here and there with most of this, but the reality is in order to save real money, you have go give up something like an open bar, a full meal, a weekend timeframe, a nicer venue, or such a large guest list.

for the record, when i got married, we split up the ceremony and the reception. the ceremony was at a gorgeous venue near here, but we only invited family and very close friends (less than 40 people total) and kept it simple, so we only needed the place for an hour and a half (we did prep at family's houses). we then had our reception after the honeymoon, so we were able to book it as a big party with 200+ people that cost less than $5,000, including a great dinner. a fellow photographer friend (who usually charges $2,000+) did it for $500 with digital delivery, and other friends did the MC and music for free. that was back in 2007, but i think we got out for less than $10K (including dresses, flowers, and decoration, but not the ring or honeymoon), partially because we were both pragmatists who like nice things, but don't go overboard.

very much depends on the church. if it's an old cathedral or other design popular for weddings, you may be looking at significant rental cost and maybe some tacked-on fees, though i personally haven't heard of one asking for additional donations to the church (if they do, you can write those off on your taxes). if it's just a normal church, i'll echo others that say you should expect somewhere around $200-300 for a rental fee.

What are the additional costs that I'm neglecting.

Was the wedding completely ruined? Did people still have fun?

I definitely think there is a risk involved, but like everything else it's a personal choice. Personally, I find the thought of being stuck inside in a crowded environment for 6hrs to be uninviting. I would rather take the risk of possibly getting rained on for the reward of being outside and having lots of space. If you have a good/spacious tent and it rains, you've just ended up with an inside wedding which is what you were going to plan anyways. If the tent is leaky, or the field is muddy that is a whole different scenario.

Of all the weddings I've been to, I had the most fun at the two that were held outside underneath tents. All of the others felt stuffy and cramped to me, but I don't really like being in crowded environments to begin with.

Thank you for the great advice/insight. How did you throw a party with food (was booze included) for that many people for 5k? The thought of splitting the ceremony and reception appeals to me if there's a way to save some significant money doing it.

If you're not paying for it, I'm surprised you're so involved in the decisions. have you discussed your ideas with the future inlaws? If they're funding the whole thing then be careful they don't steamroll you especially with the guest list. things get weird with money and whoever is helping will feel like they have a say.

also when you're getting did quotes per person make sure you're factoring in if they charge an admin/gratuity fee.

I've found that 20% plus tax seems to be the norm by me (long island).

So $45 per person sounds good but the real number is closer to $60

in addition to what others have said...it doesn't sound like you've spent a lot of septembers in new england. nh in september can potentially be very cold, particularly after dark. if i were planning a wedding that time of year i'd want to be indoors, for that reason.

This has already become quite a problem. When my fiancé said she wanted to get married my in-laws immediately offered to help fund the wedding. Initially I thought, great! However, I am someone who values freedom of choice more than money, and it looks like my input may very well be steamrolled. It is looking more and more like this "gift" is coming with some serious strings attached. There have already been mandates on guest list, location, as well as other things.

At this point I am very close to calling it quits, and just saying that as long as I get control over my guest list they can decide on everything else. That is part of the reason for this post, if I can find a way to convince them that my plan is feasible and inexpensive than maybe I can win them over. The strangest thing to me about the whole thing is that they seem to care very little about how much it's actually going to cost them. Most of the motivation for their choices seems to be about how the wedding is going to "look". It has to be on Cape Cod, it has to be beautiful, we have to put on a "show". If these kinds of decisions were being made by my fiancé it wouldn't bother me so much, but when her parents are pushing for it, it does become a little infuriating.

The worst thing about it is that my fiancé and I have talked about our dream wedding so many times, and I always thought that we were on the same page. Now that here parents are involved this dream seems to be evolving in a different direction very rapidly.

Because of all of this I think I'm going to take a step back and let them figure it out. It is not worth straining my relationship with the in-laws for a single day in my life, no matter it's importance. I am putting one last effort in before I give up completely though.