Joined Jun 2007
Owner at Crafty Creations
Forum Thread
I'm so pissed at DBF anyone care to give insight as to a man's thinking?
December 16, 2009 at
07:18 AM
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Background info:
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
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BTW - Is she hawt? I'll need pics to confirm.
mmkthx
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In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
- he lies
- you havent been together enough to have that ammount of trust in him
- you have been hurt in the past and are overly guarded and dont trust anyone
- you have some idea in your head that he is supose to think/behave in XYZ way and he isnt doing what you think he should so you assume something is wrong
and I am sure there are countless other reasons why you two may not trust eachother. What you need to do is simply stop and ask yourself is he worth it? Is he worth the frustration, the anger, the headaches and every other bad feeling you have felt, do you think he is special enough to you to be worth working through those things. If you decide no hes not really worth it, hes more of a fling, then walk away from it.if you decide that he is worth it, that the good times you have with him outweigh the bad and that the way he makes you feel is special, then focus on the issue of trust with him and try to figure out foryourself why you dont trust him and what both of you can do to build the trust. Remember you cant tell him what to do. The only thing YOU CAN DO is say "look this makes me unhappy because of XYZ. I need these things to be happy and if im not happy then i dont want to be in this relationship. No threats, just explanations of what you need and why you need it.
If some girl was doing to me, what he was doing to you, she'd be gone, don't care how old I am
If some girl was doing to me, what he was doing to you, she'd be gone, don't care how old I am
- he lies
- you havent been together enough to have that ammount of trust in him
- you have been hurt in the past and are overly guarded and dont trust anyone
- you have some idea in your head that he is supose to think/behave in XYZ way and he isnt doing what you think he should so you assume something is wrong
and I am sure there are countless other reasons why you two may not trust eachother. What you need to do is simply stop and ask yourself is he worth it? Is he worth the frustration, the anger, the headaches and every other bad feeling you have felt, do you think he is special enough to you to be worth working through those things. If you decide no hes not really worth it, hes more of a fling, then walk away from it.if you decide that he is worth it, that the good times you have with him outweigh the bad and that the way he makes you feel is special, then focus on the issue of trust with him and try to figure out foryourself why you dont trust him and what both of you can do to build the trust. Remember you cant tell him what to do. The only thing YOU CAN DO is say "look this makes me unhappy because of XYZ. I need these things to be happy and if im not happy then i dont want to be in this relationship. No threats, just explanations of what you need and why you need it.
He is worth it,other than this issue we've been doing really well and trying to be mature adults in the relationship. This is just a hiccup that we are going through and I want to work it out. Unfortunately we haven't been able to see eye to eye yet. I just wonder who's feelings are justified and who should backdown. If it's my feelings then I'll backdown. If I can't backdown,well guess the relationship will be over due to my own stubborniss,but hey that's my issue.
If some girl was doing to me, what he was doing to you, she'd be gone, don't care how old I am
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If you are in a relationship and feel you need to give an ultimatium, the relationship is already dead. Do you really want your bf or gf to do something only because you had to threaten to break up? That's not healthy. It's not love.
Here's what I do. I don't worry about any of this stuff. My gf can talk, flirt, whatever.
I don't get jealous or insecure. What's the point of that? It is very unattractive for both men and women.
Let them talk to whoever they want. If Jengo wants to re-add that ex back to facebook, she should. There's no reason to be insecure about any of this stuff.
Let the other person be themselves. Let them talk to whoever they want to. Don't try to control people. If they stray, you will find out, one way or another.. You might not find out specifically who they slept with, but you will know the relationship is dying.
That's what I do.. just relax.. don't be insecure.. "If you love someone, set them free."