Joined Apr 2006
somewhere in between...
Forum Thread
Can't seem to get him to take his junk out and go somewhere else...
March 1, 2011 at
11:08 PM
in
Travel & Vacations
Hey peoples 
Miss you guys
Okayyy, so I have a situation I have somehow gotten myself into. Go figure
A girl friend of mine was letting her friend live with her, kind of a roommate sort-of deal. Over the time she had him living with her and hanging out with her, he became kind of a mutual friend and I felt bad for the way she'd treat him, because well, I dunno how to put it besides the fact that he's rather umm "socially awkward." He's the kind of guy that doesn't make friends easily and he's not quite as mature as he may should be at his age (which is same age as my friend and I,) but he is a good guy at heart and I felt she was taking major advantage of him anyway, because he was pretty much her slave. He was head over heels for her; she just used him for money, to clean her house, etc... I felt bad for him but figured it wasn't really my business.
Anyway, cut to about 2.5 weeks ago. I'm out of town while a different girl friend of mine is house-sitting for me and staying over at my place. I get a call around 4am one morning, and the guy friend that was living with my other friend is crying his eyes out saying he has no where to go, that my friend kicked him out, it's freezing cold and in his car and doesn't know what to do. Sigh. I'm half asleep and I felt bad since he was crying, so I reluctantly say, "okay dude, I guess you can crash at my place a couple days since I'm gone anyway and hopefully you can get something figured out soon. My friend is there, she'll let you in, just get out of the cold and try to figure something out."
Cue to now. He's still here :-/ I've hinted to him several times that he needs to go, and even told him in the beginning that he couldn't stay too long because I could actually get in trouble for lease violation or something since we aren't supposed to have people move in unless we notify the apt manager, etc. He says he's looking, but the thing is, he has no money really to even get a place. He's wasted what money he did have. As I said, he's not as mature as he should be in some ways and is a little different... he's wasted his money on $25 mystery boxes, hdmi cables, books and videos on how to play a violin (umm, he doesn't even have a violin with him, he just plans to one day get his old one back from his parents, wthhh.) And so now he's down to almost zilch in his account.
Those of you that know me probably know that I'm sometimes too nice for my own good... I have a problem saying "no" to people, and I often get doormat treatment I guess. I feel so horrible because he has nowhere to go, and I don't know how to just kick him out knowing he'd be having to live in his car.
But really, I've *got* to get him outta here pretty soon... he's kind of driving me crazy anyway, lol. The wasting money, the having an extra person to pick up after (like 3 kids isn't enough ), he doesn't exactly shower... and I just got a new-to-me couch and I don't want him stinking it up permanently :-/ lol. But seriously. He's gonna have to go.
How do I get him to do that? I honestly feel it's not in my heart to put anyone on the street if I can help it, it makes me feel horrible. But he can't crash here on my couch too much longer; my sanity nor my lease agreement will allow it.
Suggestions on what to do? For someone that doesn't do to well with confrontation or putting others in bad situations?
TL;DR : Friend got kicked out, I said okay, can crash at my place few days til figure something out... still here almost 3 weeks later. Will have nowhere to go when I kick out. What to do?
Miss you guys Okayyy, so I have a situation I have somehow gotten myself into. Go figure
A girl friend of mine was letting her friend live with her, kind of a roommate sort-of deal. Over the time she had him living with her and hanging out with her, he became kind of a mutual friend and I felt bad for the way she'd treat him, because well, I dunno how to put it besides the fact that he's rather umm "socially awkward." He's the kind of guy that doesn't make friends easily and he's not quite as mature as he may should be at his age (which is same age as my friend and I,) but he is a good guy at heart and I felt she was taking major advantage of him anyway, because he was pretty much her slave. He was head over heels for her; she just used him for money, to clean her house, etc... I felt bad for him but figured it wasn't really my business.
Anyway, cut to about 2.5 weeks ago. I'm out of town while a different girl friend of mine is house-sitting for me and staying over at my place. I get a call around 4am one morning, and the guy friend that was living with my other friend is crying his eyes out saying he has no where to go, that my friend kicked him out, it's freezing cold and in his car and doesn't know what to do. Sigh. I'm half asleep and I felt bad since he was crying, so I reluctantly say, "okay dude, I guess you can crash at my place a couple days since I'm gone anyway and hopefully you can get something figured out soon. My friend is there, she'll let you in, just get out of the cold and try to figure something out."
Cue to now. He's still here :-/ I've hinted to him several times that he needs to go, and even told him in the beginning that he couldn't stay too long because I could actually get in trouble for lease violation or something since we aren't supposed to have people move in unless we notify the apt manager, etc. He says he's looking, but the thing is, he has no money really to even get a place. He's wasted what money he did have. As I said, he's not as mature as he should be in some ways and is a little different... he's wasted his money on $25 mystery boxes, hdmi cables, books and videos on how to play a violin (umm, he doesn't even have a violin with him, he just plans to one day get his old one back from his parents, wthhh.) And so now he's down to almost zilch in his account.
Those of you that know me probably know that I'm sometimes too nice for my own good... I have a problem saying "no" to people, and I often get doormat treatment I guess. I feel so horrible because he has nowhere to go, and I don't know how to just kick him out knowing he'd be having to live in his car.
But really, I've *got* to get him outta here pretty soon... he's kind of driving me crazy anyway, lol. The wasting money, the having an extra person to pick up after (like 3 kids isn't enough
), he doesn't exactly shower... and I just got a new-to-me couch and I don't want him stinking it up permanently :-/ lol. But seriously. He's gonna have to go.How do I get him to do that? I honestly feel it's not in my heart to put anyone on the street if I can help it, it makes me feel horrible. But he can't crash here on my couch too much longer; my sanity nor my lease agreement will allow it.
Suggestions on what to do? For someone that doesn't do to well with confrontation or putting others in bad situations?
TL;DR : Friend got kicked out, I said okay, can crash at my place few days til figure something out... still here almost 3 weeks later. Will have nowhere to go when I kick out. What to do?
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Freeloader: But... but... I dont have anywhere to go, or money or bowstaff skills.
Brynn: Yeah, I am sorry to hear that. Maybe you can ask another friend, or your parents. But you need to be out of here by 4PM on Sunday.
Freeloader: I cant believe this is happening to me.
Brynn: Yes that is unfortunate, hopefully things will get better, but for now I need you to be out of here by 4PM on Sunday. I really dont want this to get ugly so please be sure to have all of your stuff out of here by 4PM on Sunday, and make sure to leave my key.
Freeloader:
Brynn: With all due respect, Freeloader, I had no idea you'd gotten experimental surgery to have your balls removed.
Freeloader: What did you just say to me?
Brynn: What? I said it with all due respect!
Freeloader: Just because you say that doesn't mean you get to say whatever you want to say to me!
Brynn: It sure as hell does!
Freeloader: No, it doesn't--
Brynn: It's in the Geneva Conventions, look it up!
Brynn: No but seriously, you need to be gone by 4PM on Sunday. I have some people coming over at 5PM, so seriously dont plan on being here.
If he winds up sleeping in his car, so be it. Maybe a few nights of that will be a hard lesson that he needs to start shaping up and changing his life. You have to think about it that way. It certainly sounds like he needs a tough lesson or he will just continue going through life this way. Don't think of it like you're hurting him. It's tough love and he needs to be pushed hard so that he will finally start making serious changes.
If he winds up sleeping in his car, so be it. Maybe a few nights of that will be a hard lesson that he needs to start shaping up and changing his life. You have to think about it that way. It certainly sounds like he needs a tough lesson or he will just continue going through life this way. Don't think of it like you're hurting him. It's tough love and he needs to be pushed hard so that he will finally start making serious changes.
and don't forget a serious fishslap as well.
and don't forget a serious fishslap as well.
If he winds up sleeping in his car, so be it. Maybe a few nights of that will be a hard lesson that he needs to start shaping up and changing his life. You have to think about it that way. It certainly sounds like he needs a tough lesson or he will just continue going through life this way. Don't think of it like you're hurting him. It's tough love and he needs to be pushed hard so that he will finally start making serious changes.
Give him a deadline to be out and let him know up front that if his stuff is still there by the deadline, it will be put out on the porch in a box and the locks will be changed.
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I guess you might have missed the part where I said I don't know why, but I simply can't bring myself to just be that harsh about it
Put his stuff in bags/boxes on porch with a note detailing the locations of the local YMCA's, Salvation Army, etc. It's tough, but he's NOT your kid. He's not YOUR responsibility. You did your duty as a FRIEND. And if he was a real friend, he'd understand that his being there compromises YOUR ability to provide housing for you and your family!!
And, if his own parents won't help him, what does that say about his "responsibility" credibility???
repped! 200!
Brynn ... how is he with the kids ... what are they saying?
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