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Forum Thread
Am I required to disclose this information before having sex?
March 29, 2007 at
05:33 AM
in
Question
My girlfriend was informed by her gynocologist that she has the human papillomavirus, or HPV. It's impossible to tell who had it first, but I'm most likely a carrier now as well. For those of you who don't know, HPV is a virus that's said to be a prerequisite for cervical cancer in women. Men can carry the virus, but it's nearly harmless for them.
Some HPV facts from wikipedia:
Here's my question. Am I required to disclose this information before having relations with another woman? I have a feeling that everyone's kneejerk reaction will be "yes", but please consider the following. There's a huge chance that the woman already has the virus, and if she doesn't already she'll probably get it in the future*. With a condom, she probably won't get it from me anyway. With pap testing, there's a very very low risk of cancer. And quite frankly, I feel that she won't know all the facts and will think it's a bigger deal than it actually is.
Thoughts?
*Genital HPV infection is very common, with estimates suggesting that more than 50% of women will become infected with one or more of the sexually transmitted HPV types at some point during adulthood.[7]
The American Social Health Association projections in 2006 were yet more pessimistic, predicting that about 75% of the reproductive population will have been infected with genital HPV infection in their lifetime.
Some HPV facts from wikipedia:
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Quote
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HPV is the most common sexual transmitted infection in the United States. In the United States approximately 20-million people are currently infected with HPV about 6.2 million Americans will get infected with genital HPV this year.24.5% prevalence of HPV among females 14 to 19 years old 44.8% prevalence of HPV among females 20 to 24 years old 27.4% prevalence of HPV among females 25 to 29 years old 27.5% prevalence of HPV among females 30 to 39 years old 25.2% prevalence of HPV among females 40 to 49 years old 19.6% prevalence of HPV among females 50 to 59 years old In the absence of Pap testing or treatment, about 1% of women with genital HPV infections will eventually go on to develop cervical cancer. Women who have Pap testing or other cervical cancer screenings on a regular basis dramatically decrease their chances of developing cervical cancer. A 2006 study of 82 college students suggests that condoms can be up to 70% effective for preventing genital HPV infection if used for every sexual encounter. |
Thoughts?
*Genital HPV infection is very common, with estimates suggesting that more than 50% of women will become infected with one or more of the sexually transmitted HPV types at some point during adulthood.[7]
The American Social Health Association projections in 2006 were yet more pessimistic, predicting that about 75% of the reproductive population will have been infected with genital HPV infection in their lifetime.
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1) You are very concerned how telling women this beforehand will affect your social life, specifically how much tail you can get.
2) While you aren't necessarily in the "no" crowd as you call it, you don't want to have to tell women this, and were looking for some justification or whatever to sooth your conscience because you know it's wrong not to tell someone.
I know you are saying you aren't in either "crowd" right now, but it's fairly obvious you are trying to see if you can justify not telling someone.
The chances that a woman will have sex with me and end up dying from cervical cancer from ME are next to nill. There's a far greater chance that I'll kill a woman by crashing my car on the highway, but everyone still drives, right? Because driving is also a risky behavior, and you accept the risks.
Further, I understand that any woman I'm with might have an STD and may or may not be aware of it. But I'm not hiding under a rock.
That said, I know the difference between right and wrong. I know that the right thing to do is tell*. But I'm far from the "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or you'll go to hell!" crowd.
*Once I find out more information. Specifically, if I even have the virus! We're all assuming it's permanent which might be an incorrect assumption.
or Morally obligated?
I think you mean morally obligated.
Let your conscience be your guide and I do think you have a conscience or you would not have thought twice about this or brought it up.
I think you know what you need to do.
Say the next girl you hook up with doesn't have HPV. She's young, with her whole life ahead of her and she wants to get married and have kids some day.
She gets HPV from you. She may have different symptoms than you and may get vaginal warts. She may have the same symptoms as you and not know until she gets a pap.
Eventually she finds out. She has a conscience and tells every potential partner that she has HPV before any intimacy.
How long do you think it will take before she finds a husband and has kids?
The chances that a woman will have sex with me and end up dying from cervical cancer from ME are next to nill. There's a far greater chance that I'll kill a woman by crashing my car on the highway, but everyone still drives, right? Because driving is also a risky behavior, and you accept the risks.
Further, I understand that any woman I'm with might have an STD and may or may not be aware of it. But I'm not hiding under a rock.
That said, I know the difference between right and wrong. I know that the right thing to do is tell. But I'm far from the "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or you'll go to hell!" crowd.
As far as it being a risky activity anyway. There is no reason someone should knowingly make it more risky for someone else though. I ride a motorcycle, and I know it's risky. Because of that, another driver isn't justified in pouring diesel fuel in an intersection (which is very slick, worse than ice in some cases) just because I'm taking a risk anyway. Is there a chance I'll hit some diesel in a turn anyway? Sure, but it's still wrong for someone to increase my chances of hitting some.
Or, even direclty with driving. Sure it's dangerous, but we also check out the safety features of cars. I got a car with a seatbelt, crumple zones and airbags, inluding side and head. I do that because it reduces my risk. It'd be wrong for a dealer to sell me a car with the airbags removed and not tell me so, therefore making it more dangerous just because I'm taking a risk by driving anyway.
Full disclosure, I haven't been tested, but my wife had the "pre-marriage" exam before we got married, and we both were virgins until we got married. Only since you asked what everyone else's status was.
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Say the next girl you hook up with doesn't have HPV. She's young, with her whole life ahead of her and she wants to get married and have kids some day.
She gets HPV from you. She may have different symptoms than you and may get vaginal warts. She may have the same symptoms as you and not know until she gets a pap.
Eventually she finds out. She has a conscience and tells every potential partner that she has HPV before any intimacy.
How long do you think it will take before she finds a husband and has kids?
That is absolutely absurd....
remember... that one percent is a HUGE number to the person in that one percent catagory.....
Further, I understand that any woman I'm with might have an STD and may or may not be aware of it. But I'm not hiding under a rock.
That said, I know the difference between right and wrong. I know that the right thing to do is tell*. But I'm far from the "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or you'll go to hell!" crowd...
thus you get yours, and we can CMA ourselves from contracting what you have passed by not sleeping with where you have been.
/dry humor
I get tested everytime I go see the doc. I have other tests done every 6 months (had an unsafe few years with a guy...)- I would absolutely wanna know if there were ANY greater risks with anyone I was with. But, now- you wouldn't be sleeping with girls like me without getting to those discussions anyway- so, might be a non-issue.
I could get all uptight about values and such- but, truth is, I made it through the dating scene with 'one on the side' for cold nites myself- so, please don't think me jumping high & mighty. I used to joke that my longest standing relationship was a late nite call (so to speak).
I just wonder HOW so many can sleep with so many more & nobody is worried to death over it???
Seriously, thanks again. Like I said in the thread, there's still a lot more I need to know. Specifically if the virus is permanent in males and if my GF's pap showed one of the harmful types or one of the more benign types (there are 30 or so types and a few are more harmful than others).
Some HPV facts from wikipedia:
Here's my question. Am I required to disclose this information before having relations with another woman? I have a feeling that everyone's kneejerk reaction will be "yes", but please consider the following. There's a huge chance that the woman already has the virus, and if she doesn't already she'll probably get it in the future*. With a condom, she probably won't get it from me anyway. With pap testing, there's a very very low risk of cancer. And quite frankly, I feel that she won't know all the facts and will think it's a bigger deal than it actually is.
Thoughts?
*Genital HPV infection is very common, with estimates suggesting that more than 50% of women will become infected with one or more of the sexually transmitted HPV types at some point during adulthood.[7]
The American Social Health Association projections in 2006 were yet more pessimistic, predicting that about 75% of the reproductive population will have been infected with genital HPV infection in their lifetime.
Now with HPV, there are only a few types that actually cause cervical cancer. Unfortunately, I have one of those types. But in reality, if your girlfriend doesn't have that type (don't know if her doctor told her or not) then you shouldn't have much to worry about, because almost everyone has HPV.
That being said... I wouldn't worry about it unless she has the type that causes cervical cancer. Other than that, if you happen to be with anyone else, I would mention it in casual conversation after you've been dating for awhile. Chances are, she already has HPV and it will be no big deal- unless, of course, it's the type that causes cervical cancer.
If she freaks out about it, she (the new girlfriend) is probably too dumb for you to be dating anyways.
If a girl gets the precancerous cells, it's a simple outpatient procedure that will freeze the cells off (it's called cryosurgery). I had the procedure and even though it was a bit painful for me and definitely inconvenient for about two weeks while I was healing, but it was worth it because we caught it before it ever even developed. Still, I am getting paps every 3 months now until everything comes back normally.
I have a great gyno... my other gyno just ignored it when he saw the precancerous cells, saying that they may go away by themselves, but this one said that we'd take em off right away so that way we don't even have a chance of getting cancer.
If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me.
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Now with HPV, there are only a few types that actually cause cervical cancer. Unfortunately, I have one of those types. But in reality, if your girlfriend doesn't have that type (don't know if her doctor told her or not) then you shouldn't have much to worry about, because almost everyone has HPV.
That being said... I wouldn't worry about it unless she has the type that causes cervical cancer. Other than that, if you happen to be with anyone else, I would mention it in casual conversation after you've been dating for awhile. Chances are, she already has HPV and it will be no big deal- unless, of course, it's the type that causes cervical cancer.
If she freaks out about it, she (the new girlfriend) is probably too dumb for you to be dating anyways.
If a girl gets the precancerous cells, it's a simple outpatient procedure that will freeze the cells off (it's called cryosurgery). I had the procedure and even though it was a bit painful for me and definitely inconvenient for about two weeks while I was healing, but it was worth it because we caught it before it ever even developed. Still, I am getting paps every 3 months now until everything comes back normally.
I have a great gyno... my other gyno just ignored it when he saw the precancerous cells, saying that they may go away by themselves, but this one said that we'd take em off right away so that way we don't even have a chance of getting cancer.
If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me.