Joined Dec 2003
Benevolent Dictator
Forum Thread
Excuse me, Ms. Autumn, you fiery amber-headed chick you
April 26, 2007 at
09:32 PM
in
Rant
325 Comments
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Right here!
Oh, wait.........
Autumn will be back soon.
Thank you,
TS.
You say you've got six friends. We'll call them A B C D E and F. It's assumed that A-D is competent while the jury is still out on E and F.
We'll call the victim "Bob" for easy recognition.
Does Bob know A-F? I need to know this because that would affect the plot.
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You say you've got six friends. We'll call them A B C D E and F. It's assumed that A-D is competent while the jury is still out on E and F.
We'll call the victim "Bob" for easy recognition.
Does Bob know A-F? I need to know this because that would affect the plot.
In either case, I do not know if Bob knows E and F.
In either case, I do not know if Bob knows E and F.
Ok...here we go..
Bob goes to Publix one day. B was getting ready to pull into a parking spot when Bob cuts him off. This irked B but he found another spot and went inside. In the store Bob cut B off several times in the aisles, took the last bunch of bananas (Which B needed for his famous Banana chiffon cake with pink sprinkles that he bakes weekly for his "What? I'm not gay" men's group.) Then Bob got in front of B in the ten items or less checkout lane with 28 items. It is then that B vows death and revenge on Bob.
B calls up his good buddy E. E says "That's farked up man. You should contact F. He can probably help you out more than I can as I am only somewhat competent.
B calls up F and introduces himself as a friend of E's. F tells B to give him his credit card number, SSN, date of birth and favorite color. He also asked "If you were a bird..what bird would you be?".. B says "Wtf..why would I tell you all that?" F then screams something in Nigerian and says he'll send B a laptop. B said "Seriously F...you're more incompetent that E." and hangs up.
Little does he know that outside his house..D was listening intently to the conversation through the conveniently opened window. He knocks on B's door. B doesn't hear because he's sitting in the corner muttering "Farking Nigerian's" D knocks on the door again...finally B hears him. He opens the door a crack and asks D who he is. D answers "I have a freebie for you"...well like any SDer would...B flings open the door in excitement. D laughed and said "Got you....farking moron..." and then walks inside. B said "What's the meaning of this?" D said "I couldn't help but hear about your little...problem..." ..he twirls his fingers in little circles as if he has a mustache. However he doesn't have a mustache because D got bit once by a snake who's venom inhibits hair growth. But that's another story.
B was a little unsure as to what to think of D...but he sure did want to get back at that bastard, Bob..so he decided to give this guy a chance. D walked over to the chair and sat down. The chair made a funny farting noise but B tried not to laugh because D looked like one badass motherfarker.
B told D the complete story...ending it with tears as he told about the lack of bananas and how he can't make his banana chiffon cake with pink sprinkles for his men's group. D was outraged on behalf of B. "I would have suggested arson but this guy sounds like he deserves more than that." He then asked for some iced tea while he sat back to think about what the plan of attack should be. Suddenly the tinny sound of "The Final Countdown" rang out on his cellphone. It was his friend..C. While B was getting D's iced tea...D told C about Bob. He gave C directions to B's house...and also asked if he could possible pick him up a Quarter Pounder with Cheese because being a badass motherfarker can really build up an appetite.
B was surprised when he came back into the living room and saw C standing there with a bag of McDonald's. He was sorta of annoyed because no one had thought to ask if he wanted anything. I mean..it's McDonald's for gosh sakes..their ice cream flurries rock. But I digress.
B, C and D decided to watch SNL because they heard it was supposed to be good that night. They heard wrong. Anyway...after discussing numerous options..arson, arsenic, blow up dolls and bear traps...they decided that this issue with Bob was bigger than the three of them. C looked over to D and said "Do you think that we should..." D held up one hand and nodded "I think we should" B asked what they were talking about and C said "We're talking in code..motherfarker. Just stand back and watch us in awe."
C walked into the next room to make his phone call. D apologized to B for C's behavior. "He gets a little power mad sometimes. Ever since he got bold on some website he's been obnoxiously full of himself." he then lowered his voice "C and I have decided we need to call upon someone far more powerful than ourselves. Had Bob just butted in front of you in line, stole your parking space and annoyed you in general...we could cut him some slack. But the theft of the bananas is unforgivable. We are calling A. A will be able to get this done."
C came back into the room and glared at D. "You told B about C..didn't you?" D told C to fark off. Then they started slapping each other. Over the sound of their fighting B heard his doorbell ring. He walked over and opened up the door. In the mist he saw a figure clad all in black with a black cloak covering his eyes. "Step aside..peasant" A said as he walked inside. A looked around disdainfully at B's small home. "I suppose we should get this over as soon as possible so I can get out of this hellhole." "Hellhole?!" B said with shock "I'll have you know this house is appraised for 250k and I have a 5.3% fixed rate on my mortgage. Three bedrooms and.." "ENOUGH!" A yelled as he held up his hand and sat down. "Let's get down to business."
I'll write the rest later
kickass combination
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