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Fark My Life

26,668 2,340 February 12, 2009 at 05:35 AM in Humor (2)
http://www.fmylife.com/
Quote :
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired.
Quote :
Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area.
Quote :
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?"
Quote :
Today, I cut myself of a bandaid box, while trying to get a bandaid out for another cut.
Crylol Roll Rofl2 LMAO laugh out loud
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Joined Oct 2006
Post-It Princess
> bubble2 8,735 Posts
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metoday
03-14-2009 at 12:04 PM.
03-14-2009 at 12:04 PM.
Quote :
Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML
Quote :
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
Quote :
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML


Damn you for getting me addicted to this site.
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Joined Dec 2006
L6: Expert
> bubble2 1,903 Posts
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Billiam411
03-15-2009 at 02:01 PM.
03-15-2009 at 02:01 PM.
Quote :
Today, I was trying to register for a porn site. I secretly took my father's credit card, but all I got back was a "this credit card is already in use." FML
Rofl2
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Joined Oct 2006
Freak On A Leash
> bubble2 3,781 Posts
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Princess Crunch
03-15-2009 at 02:17 PM.
03-15-2009 at 02:17 PM.
Quote :
Today, I lied to my dad about going to a concert because I knew he wouldn't let me go. I felt bad about lying to him, but I figured he wouldn't find out about it. I felt a tap on my shoulder at the concert, turned around, and it was my dad saying "I'M SO F*CKING HIGH ARE YOU MY DAUGHTER?"
Bigeye
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Joined Oct 2006
Freak On A Leash
> bubble2 3,781 Posts
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Princess Crunch
03-15-2009 at 02:29 PM.
03-15-2009 at 02:29 PM.
Quote :
Today, I went to church with my girlfriend and her family for the first time. During the silence for individual prayer my phone went off. My ringtone is "me so horny." FML
Roll
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Joined Oct 2006
Freak On A Leash
> bubble2 3,781 Posts
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Princess Crunch
03-17-2009 at 01:52 PM.
03-17-2009 at 01:52 PM.
Quote :
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequins ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then proceeded to slap it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
laugh out loud
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Joined Oct 2006
Post-It Princess
> bubble2 8,735 Posts
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metoday
03-18-2009 at 09:08 PM.
03-18-2009 at 09:08 PM.
Quote :
Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
Roll
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Joined Jun 2005
L6: Laser Lotus
> bubble2 21,654 Posts
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shhaggy
03-19-2009 at 06:20 AM.
03-19-2009 at 06:20 AM.
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
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Joined Jul 2005
Scarydevil Monastery
> bubble2 26,668 Posts
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Original Poster
veritablequandary
03-24-2009 at 07:57 AM.
03-24-2009 at 07:57 AM.
Quote :
Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML
woot
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Joined May 2005
Proud Barner
> bubble2 36,606 Posts
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TigerStar
03-24-2009 at 09:48 AM.
03-24-2009 at 09:48 AM.
Quote from Princess Crunch :
Quote :
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequins ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then proceeded to slap it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
laugh out loud
laugh out loud something like that happened to me years ago. I was looking at a mannequin and went up to it and said "Hi Dummy". It turns around and stares at me.
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Joined Jun 2005
L6: Laser Lotus
> bubble2 21,654 Posts
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shhaggy
03-25-2009 at 01:27 PM.
03-25-2009 at 01:27 PM.
[IMG]Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML[/IMG]

What's funny is that I knew the yearbook staff in high school and a lot of 'mistakes' like this were NOT mistakes. It's almost free reign to make a 'mistake' on someone's page that you don't like, that will last forever.
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Joined Nov 2003
Double Staff Oreos
> bubble2 26,891 Posts
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Global Mod
rayzac | Staff
03-26-2009 at 02:06 PM.
03-26-2009 at 02:06 PM.
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML
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Joined Feb 2006
R U an ultracrepidarian?
> bubble2 74,140 Posts
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iconian | Staff
03-28-2009 at 09:10 PM.
03-28-2009 at 09:10 PM.
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

doh!

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man shes apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

haha, double whammy!

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML <----WTF

Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML

Crylol

Today, I received a GPS for my birthday. I decided to test it out by getting utterly lost as far into the country as I could on a little under half a tank of gas. I installed the GPS once out in the middle of nowhere in preparation for heading home. It needed batteries. FML

why would someone ever do that???

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

idiot born every minute
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Joined Aug 2008
Eating up debt, nom nom.
> bubble2 3,592 Posts
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cookiemonster.
03-28-2009 at 09:29 PM.
03-28-2009 at 09:29 PM.
Roll I read those last night Iconian!
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Joined Oct 2006
Freak On A Leash
> bubble2 3,781 Posts
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Princess Crunch
03-28-2009 at 09:31 PM.
03-28-2009 at 09:31 PM.
Quote from rayzac :
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML
Rofl2
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Joined Feb 2006
R U an ultracrepidarian?
> bubble2 74,140 Posts
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Pro
Sr. Deal Editor
iconian | Staff
03-28-2009 at 09:44 PM.
03-28-2009 at 09:44 PM.
going to bed ladies

goodnight!
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