Joined Jun 2007
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Forum Thread
I'm so pissed at DBF anyone care to give insight as to a man's thinking?
December 16, 2009 at
07:18 AM
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Background info:
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
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He is worth it,other than this issue we've been doing really well and trying to be mature adults in the relationship. This is just a hiccup that we are going through and I want to work it out. Unfortunately we haven't been able to see eye to eye yet. I just wonder who's feelings are justified and who should backdown. If it's my feelings then I'll backdown. If I can't backdown,well guess the relationship will be over due to my own stubborniss,but hey that's my issue.
relationships are give and take and sometimes you have to take some things you dont lie but thats just because the thing you take that you do like are so good its worth it.
You know the right answer before you even posted your thread. You know what needs to be done and what you should do. You're just looking for people to tell you "it's ok, don't worry, we agree with you".
The "right thing" is not to get so worried and try to stop your bf from having friends.
People that are so insecure and paranoid end up being alone for the rest of their lives.
Fallacy, does your wife patrol SD and worry that you are talking to women here?
I kind of doubt it.
If you are in a relationship and feel you need to give an ultimatium, the relationship is already dead. Do you really want your bf or gf to do something only because you had to threaten to break up? That's not healthy. It's not love.
Here's what I do. I don't worry about any of this stuff. My gf can talk, flirt, whatever.
I don't get jealous or insecure. What's the point of that? It is very unattractive for both men and women.
Let them talk to whoever they want. If Jengo wants to re-add that ex back to facebook, she should. There's no reason to be insecure about any of this stuff.
Let the other person be themselves. Let them talk to whoever they want to. Don't try to control people. If they stray, you will find out, one way or another.. You might not find out specifically who they slept with, but you will know the relationship is dying.
That's what I do.. just relax.. don't be insecure.. "If you love someone, set them free."
I think the only way this relationship would survive would be with some professional counseling. A successful outcome might be exactly what you describe or it might be the other person giving in and having no further contact with the other person. Ideal it would be somewhere in between.
You are correct about the ultimatum part--that just about never has a positive result.
Seriously, there is a guy out there that will treat you like a queen. Find him!!
That being said however, if he asked you to remove your ex on facebook and you did, it's only fair he does the same.
That being said however, if he asked you to remove your ex on facebook and you did, it's only fair he does the same.
btw you should totally send those pics from the cell to us, we need evidence to review.
Lastly, kick the dude to the curb
unless you already made up your mind to try to tough it out, but it most likely won't end well.
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The "right thing" is not to get so worried and try to stop your bf from having friends.
People that are so insecure and paranoid end up being alone for the rest of their lives.
Fallacy, does your wife patrol SD and worry that you are talking to women here?
I kind of doubt it.
Show me where I told her it was the "right thing" to get worried and try to stop her BF from having friends please? Can you point that one out for me, as I can't seem to find it...
My wife has no reason to worry about me, as I have no reason to worry about her. And I'm not or some other horny middle aged guy who comes trolling and begging for pictures from 20 year old girls.
Thanks for playing, come again.
While many people think otherwise, I do feel it is possible to have close friends of the opposite sex. I had such a friend and we talked almost daily via instant messenger. My wife knew about it and it actually brought us closer together. Sometimes it takes an unbiased view of another to help one see things from a different perspective. (i.e. letting me know I'm being a butthead)
Whether or not this is true in your case, only you and DBF can decide.
We've all been farked over by the opposite sex. The worrying and insecuirty part of it though is often worse than the actual betrayal.. Look, it's already tearing up their relationship.. So I just skip that step. Be happy, if the betrayal happens, it happens.
No sense in worrying about it.
In all seriousness, I have female friends on FB. If I had a gf that wanted me to delete some or all of them, I would be seriously annoyed and resist.. See, if FB is such a big deal when dating, where does it end? Will she get mad if I smile at a waitress? What's the next demand going to be?
Jengo is going to have to decide if she can trust this dude or not. I hope she gives him the benefit of the doubt, instead of assuming the worst. Believe it or not, most people aren't bad. (Not addressing you specifically, just saying). She should trust this dude and try to have a heathy relationship.
All these questions "HAve you kissed?' "What do you talk about"? "Any more picts?" etc
Those just make her seem very insecure, especially after he's said numerious times they are just friends. It damages the relationship.
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