Joined Jun 2007
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Forum Thread
I'm so pissed at DBF anyone care to give insight as to a man's thinking?
December 16, 2009 at
07:18 AM
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Background info:
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
In March,before we were officially dating,I found naked pictures of this girl on his phone. I got incredibly pissed and confronted him about them. He said we weren't officially dating although we were exclusive so I couldn't get mad at him bc I didn't know what I wanted to do. Fast forward until now, he's been still talking to her and texting her,I've known it all along and I've expressed to him how much I don't like him talking to her etc. He always brings back the part that we weren't "dating" when she sent the pics,and since we've been dating she hasn't sent him any racy pics. I've been trying to be patient and understanding about it but I'm really insecure about this whole situation and I've told him how I feel,but it still does no good. Am I acting irrationally? Do I have a reason to be upset about him still talking to her etc? She's on his facebook and they chit chat alot,but yet he asked me to remove my ex because he didn't like it,and I did because I didn't want him to feel threatened or insecure about it. It gets to the point that when I see her posting in response to him that I clinch my fists because it makes me so mad.
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Show me where I told her it was the "right thing" to get worried and try to stop her BF from having friends please? Can you point that one out for me, as I can't seem to find it...
My wife has no reason to worry about me, as I have no reason to worry about her. And I'm not or some other horny middle aged guy who comes trolling and begging for pictures from 20 year old girls.
Thanks for playing, come again.
Jengo, tough situation. Wish I could help.
So I was finishing to see if I was correct about what I thought you wanted to do -- not necessarily dump his ass or give him an ultimatum, but justification for feeling jealous.
not wanting people to judge him if he's not able to defend himself.
this is called being taken advantage of
but hey your choice is made already from your posts, you just want some confirmation and support from the lounge, which most of us view it differently.
Jengo, tough situation. Wish I could help.
Left her alone in the hospital?!
He is NOT worth the heartache. It will only get worse from here Jengo. Take it from someone who has been through a lot of similar things. You have a chance to find someone who cares enough to lay aside their own wants to love the other person just like you are trying to do for him.
But what you're doing is more than just love. It's enabling him and excusing his bad behavior. You have the opportunity now to make good choices
without a lot of repercussions. Take it!
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he will also pull this with his next victim until his side piece find something stable and cuts the ties..
If he really, truly cared for the OP, he wouldn't have anything to with the ex. Especially, behind the OP's back. If this is a problem now, what is it going to be like after the OP and bum are married? IMO, he is "keeping his options open" and possibly "getting the best of both worlds" ..... which is not fair to the OP or her feelings.
If the OP and bum ever get married, what is bum going to do when there is a fight or problem with the marriage? .... work it out or run to the ex?
I'm sorry you are going through this, Jenn.
The person being accused (in this case, the bf) is trapped. He only has two options..
1. Give in to demands
2. Be sneaky about it.
That's why utlimatiums are bad, the person getting the ultimatium becomes resentful so he locks his phone, etc to avoid further snooping. Seriously, if something like FB postings bother a person, that person should avoid logging on to FB. Same with the phone.. Why look at it if you are going to get suspicious?
Jengo.. try this.
When he gets home. Just say "Look, I'm sorry for being so paranoid. I love you and trust you." Then hug.
I'm sure that's going to be hard. But that's the healthy thing to do. I'm going by your word that everything else is fine. If so, give him the benefit of the doubt. There's more downside tossing someone away due to false assumptions than there is trusting too much and getting burnt later.. If nothing else, you say you have trust issues. This is good "practice" for a healthy relationship.
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