Joined Jul 2005
Scarydevil Monastery
Forum Thread
THIS R SRS THREAD! itt: WE R SRS! NO TOM FOOLERY!
March 1, 2010 at
10:58 AM
in
Sad
If you all can't behave then I'll be forced to post anti-jokes.
Q: Why did the blonde jump off a bridge?
A: Because she was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life.
Q: Why did the blonde jump off a bridge?
A: Because she was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life.
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Their first race both horses were very excited. Ed said to Tobias "Good luck, may the best horse win." Tobias responded "Same to you, let's beat these other guys!"
Well the race started and Tobias and Edward took off, taking an early lead. It went back and forth, Tobias passing Edward, Edward passing Tobias. The first lap finished with Tobias having a slight lead. The second lap finished with him still having a small lead. On the third and final lap, close to finish, though Edward was leading, Tobias managed to pull ahead and take the win. The other horses were completely destroyed in comparison.
"Good race!" Edward told Tobias, and Tobias agreed.
The farmer realized that he had made bank, that somehow he found two golden tickets. He entered the horses into many other local competitions and every time his horses would destroy the other horses. It always ended with Tobias barely beating Edward.
Eventually the two horses found themselves in a larger arena. They were at the state fair. Edward turned to Tobias and said "I'll get you this time!" Tobias responded "Meh, I don't actually care if you or I win, so long as we beat these other idiots!" Another horse snorts Edward said, "Good luck!" Tobias responded "You have good luck too!"
The race started and Tobias and Edward took out of the gates. It was a tough race; the other horses were able to keep up with Edward and Tobias for the first lap. But the two horses kept pushing each other. It went back and forth, Tobias passing Edward, Edward passing Tobias. The first lap finished with Tobias having a slight lead. The second lap finished with him still having a small lead. By now they had a lead over the other horses. On the third and final lap, close to finish, though Edward was leading, Tobias managed to pull ahead and take the win.
Panting, Edward congratulated Tobias.
A few years went by and now Edward and Tobias were professional race horses. Their competition put them in the spot light of many the newspaper. Ever was Tobias the main headline though. Even as they got older, Tobias would always beat Edward.
One day they found themselves in the Kentucky Derby. In the starting gates, Edward turned to Tobias and said "I will get you this time, I know it! This is the race, here, in front of all these people." Tobias responded "We'll see brother, first we have to beat these other horses. None of them are poor runners either." "Agreed," Edward responded, "But it would be nice to beat you just once." "You've always been the one who pushed me so hard." Tobias responded. Edward said back, "And you're the reason I've always worked so hard too." Another horse vomited in its starting gate.
The gun went off, the gates opened up. Tobias and Edward took off. They were trailing the leaders, but didn't seem to mind, they were in their own world. The two horses kept pushing each other. It went back and forth, Tobias passing Edward, Edward passing Tobias. The first lap finished with Tobias having a slight lead. The second lap finished with him still having a small lead. By now they had caught up with the other horses. On the third and final lap, close to finish, though Edward was leading, Tobias managed to pull ahead and take the win. It finished with Tobias in first and Edward a very, very close second with another horse right behind him. It was such a close race it came down to verifying with a photograph. Edward turned to Tobias, "I can't believe you beat me, I tried so hard. Still, we just won the Kentucky Derby!!"
Years later, after living luxurious lives where they were pampered by the farmer who found them and long after they were retired, Tobias turned to Edward and said. "Do you want to have one final race, for old time's sake?" Edward responded, "I never could beat you, I always wanted to have a chance to do so, just to know what it feels like to win." Tobias said "Tell you what, why don't we have a race? Just like back when we were colts; let's run to that feed mill over there and back to this fence three times." Edward said "I don't think I could take loosing again, after all this time, coming in second. I don't know if I would want to live after another loss. I don't have that much life in me any more." Tobias said, "Tell you what, if it comes down to it, if it is really close, I'll let you win. Just so you can know what it feels like. Yeah, it won't be 'real' but you'll get to know." Edward agreed.
"Ready, set, GO!" And both horses were off. The two horses kept pushing each other. It went back and forth, Tobias passing Edward, Edward passing Tobias. It was almost as though the two old horses had the vitality of their youth again. The first lap finished with Tobias having a slight lead. The second lap finished with him still having a small lead again. On the third and final lap, close to finish, Edward was leading. It looked like he had the race in the bag. But suddenly Tobias seemed to get another final wind and he pushed ahead. He beat Edward. Tobias started prancing, victoriously, Edward, his soul crushed, lay down on the ground.
The old farmer's dog, who had known both horses since their infancy, came up to Tobias and said, "Tobias, why would you do that? Why would you crush your brother's hopes and dreams like that? There was nothing riding on this race, no point. Why? Why? Why would you do that?"
Upon hearing the dog, Edward stood up, he looked at his brother and said "Holy Shit, Toby, a talking dog!"
tl;dr
tl;dr
A. An alien suit.
tl;dr
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I feel I must assert my freedom to comment on an important public issue that Ms. Autumn Hairtoes has thrust into the vortex of public comment. Some background is in order: Autumn dreams of a time when she'll be free to create profound emotional distress for people on both sides of the issue. That's the way she's planned it, and that's the way it'll happennot may happen but will happenif we don't interfere, if we don't draw an accurate portrait of her ideological alignment. Next time, Autumn, you may want to check your facts correctly. If she doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to spawn delusions of absenteeism's resplendence, then she should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend she buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Autumn will grasp the concept that if she manages to institutionalize autism through systematic violence, distorted religion, and dubious science, civilization will crumble almost immediately. Investigators from a future era will need to sift through the charred wreckage of our society looking for the black box to figure out what happened. Maybe they'll even discover that just because Autumn and her forces don't like being labelled as "logorrheic peddlers of snake-oil remedies" or "cuckoo scroungers" doesn't mean the shoe doesn't fit.
Autumn is inherently cranky, distasteful, and brazen. Oh, and she also has a passive-aggressive mode of existence. Her editorials were never about tolerance and equality. That was just window dressing for the "innocents". Rather, seeing Autumn succeed at giving rise to untoward mendicants has left me with a number of unanswered questionsquestions such as "Will her animal cunning, arrogance, greed, and self-aggrandizement grant her a final victory over humanity?" What I just wrote is not based on merely a single experience or anecdote. Rather, it is based upon the wisdom of accumulated years, spanning two continents, and proven by the fact that her ventures symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellionextreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom.
I have to laugh when Autumn says that she is cunctipotent. Where in the world did she get that idea? Not only does that idea contain absolutely no substance whatsoever, but she has already been able to fortify a social correctness that restricts experience and defines success with narrow boundaries. What worries me more than that, however, is that if Autumn ever manages to make individuals indifferent to the survival of their families, that's when the defecation will really hit the air conditioning.
Although Autumn has repeatedly denied charges of attempting to retard the free and natural economic development of various countries' indigenous population, she has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. Autumn can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches her nostrils, she'll start talking about the joy of quislingism and how she is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all people. As you listen to Autumn's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice her hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that her mind is so twisted, it's doubtful whether anyone can straighten her out. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, if Autumn honestly believes that some of my points are not valid, I would love to get some specific feedback from her.
Sometime in the future Autumn will corrupt our youth. Fortunately, that hasn't happened...yet. But it will sincerely happen if we don't keep the faith.
If we look beyond Autumn's delusions of grandeur, we see that my current plan is to fight on the battleground of ideas for our inalienable individual rights. Yes, Autumn will draw upon the most powerful fires of Hell to tear that plan asunder, but if she is going to make an emotional appeal then she should also include a rational argument. If you don't think that Autumn frequently takes an accepted moral principle, adopts it as her own, and then accuses mainstream society of violating that principle, then you've missed the whole point of this letter. She says that I and others who think she's a sanguinary slob are secretly using etheric attachment cords to drain people's karmic energy. You know, she can lie as much as she wants but she can't change the facts. If she could, she'd indubitably prevent anyone from hearing that if you're like most people you just shrug your shoulders whenever you hear about her latest raffish shenanigans. When your shoulders get tired of shrugging I hope you'll realize that Autumn seems to assume that the sky is falling. This is an assumption of the worst kind because her toadies all look like her, think like her, act like her, and extend her fifteen minutes of fame to fifteen months, just like Autumn does. And all this in the name oflet me see if I can get their propaganda straightbrotherhood and service. Ha!
I don't see how Autumn can build a workable policy around wishful thinking draped over a morass of confusion (and also, as we'll see below, historical illiteracy), then impose it willy-nilly on a population by force. I'm not saying that it can't possibly be done but rather that Autumn's invectives are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious consequences for all of us one day.
Although Autumn demonstrates a great deal of ignorance and presumption when she says that might makes right, the fact remains that she has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in which her opinions represent the opinions of the majorityor even a plurality. Then again, just because Autumn is a prolific fantasist doesn't mean that she is beyond reproach. Yes, you heard me right; when she was first found trying to shame the poor into blaming themselves for losing the birth lottery, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Autumn is planning to open new avenues for the expression of hate, I'm clearly downright terrified. Some readers may doubt that she is headstrong enough to burn books. So let me provide some evidence. But before I do, let me just say that we must work together to defy her. What can you do to help? For starters, you might want to expose the connections between the reckless problems that face us and the key issues of ethnocentrism and corporatism. I personally derive great satisfaction in doing that sort of thing because if Autumn isn't irritable, I don't know who is.
Since I don't know Autumn that well, I'll have to be a bit presumptuous when I say that she blames others for her unprincipled deeds. Of that I am certain because she lusts for a world in which brutish cretins foment a radical realignment of industrialized economies. And I can say that with a clear conscience because some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with bleeding-heart losers on a regular basis at work or in school. We, therefore, may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to promote an obnoxious materialism.
Autumn deeply believes that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: It's astonishing that Autumn has been able for so long to get away with insulting my intelligence. I can't think of anything that better illustrates the failure of our justice system to deal with such detestable dunderheads. Once you cut through the bravado, misconceptions, and ignorance, you'll find that this is a very real and serious concern. Even more remarkable, her zealots have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many timesstunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize her petulant, horny crotchets. It is truly not a pretty sight. If you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that Autumn's goal is to regulate racism. How inimical is that? How unrestrained? How unholy? And that's it. Ms. Autumn Hairtoes feels she has not only a right, but also a duty, to make bargains with the devil.
The "facts" Nihilariat has often stated contain some serious distortions. Some are blatant; others are subtle. One of the most impertinent is Nihilariat's discussion of disruptive, militant nobodies. He denies ever having tried to perpetuate the myth that he was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires. I assume he's merely trying to cover his posterior, as the truth is that Nihilariat is an opportunist. That is, he is an ideological chameleon, without any real morality, without a soul. He neglects the impact that selfishness has on the soul. This is not what I think; this is what I know. I additionally know that no matter how bad you think Nihilariat's accusations are, I assure you that they are far, far worse than you think.
Nihilariat says that classism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely stuporous and wretched lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Nihilariat's acolytes. He tries to make us think the way he wants us to think, not by showing us evidence and reasoning with us, but by understanding how to push our emotional buttons. Let me end this letter by challenging my readers to build a better world, a cleaner world, a safer world, and a saner world. Are you with me, or with the forces of racialism and oppression?
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Eh, we had a good run